A bloke walked up to a hooker and asked how much
she charged for a hand job.
"$100," she replied.
"Fuck," said the bloke. "That's a bit rich isn't it?"
"See that Porsche parked over there?" she said.
"I own it because I give the best hand jobs in town."
The bloke thought that this was OK and agreed to
the fee.
The hand job went on for hours. the bloke loved it
so much that he asked how much she charged for
a head job.
"$250," she replied.
"Fuck!" sighed the bloke. "That's a bit rich isn't it?"
"See that block of units behind the Porsche?" said
the whore. "I paid for that with cash because I give
the best head jobs in town."
"Crikey," said the bloke. "I'll give that a go."
When the pro finished the best head job the bloke
had ever had, he asked her how much for the real
thing.
"See that factory behind the block of units?" she
asked.
"Yeah," replied the bloke.
"Well," she sighed, "That'd be mine if I had a pussy!"
_____________
A barefoot Irish girl brought her baby boy to the doctor and told
him. "Doc, my little Paddy just cries and cries all the time. What
do you think the problem is?"
Taking the baby from her, the doctor noticed a strong odor, where-
upon he looked into Paddy's nappy. "Why, Mary!" he exclaimed.
"The problem is that there's at least 16 pounds of yellow shit in
you son's drawers!"
"Naw, that can't be it," the girl replied. "On the box it said "Good
for babies up to 18 pounds." So he's got two more to go."
________
Mommy, Mommy! What's a lesbian?
Go ask Daddy, she'll know.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I buy a new dress?
You know it won't fit over your iron lung.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?
Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute
Can Granny take me?
Why?
Her hand shakes.
