BUY A LESBIAN A DRINK

Buy A Lesbian A Drink   A man walks into a bar and winks at a pretty girl at the other end "bartender", he says, "I'd like to buy that lady a drink." "Don't do it," the bartender says, "She's a lesbian." "You're crazy," he said, "She's beautiful and she winked back." So the bartender gives her the drink. A minute later she moves down and thanks the gentleman. "Bartender," he says, "Give the lady another drink." "I'm warning you," the bartender says as he hands her the drink. After she finishes this drink she asks if he would like to see her breast. "YES!!!" he says and the woman lifts her blouse. After the next drink, and another warning from the bartender, she takes his hand and asks, "Would you like to touch my ass?" The gentleman replies "OH, YES!!!, DEFINITELY!!!" So he sits with his hand on her bottom and asks for another drink. The bartender, thoroughly impressed by now and convinced he was wrong in his judgement obliges. After this she asks " Are you ready to taste a hot, wet, sweet pussy?" "THANK YOU GOD!!!", the man exclaims, and then "YES!!!!!!!" At this the attractive lady grabs him by his tie pulls him close, kisses him and says, "Hope you enjoyed!" >>>>>   Mary: You'll love this story from my friend who works in the ER. Jill: What happened? Mary: A woman came in with a cell phone shoved up her rectum! Jill: You're kidding! Mary: I'm not. The woman said she and her husband were playing some "adult games." Jill: Well, it had to be either that, or she doesn't understand the meaning of phone sex >>>>> Do you ever miss the ex? Mary: OH! All the time! You wouldn't believe how much! Jill: Wow! I didn't think you cared about him at all. Mary: Wait a minute! Did you say "ex" or "sex"? >>>>> There was a young fellow named Simon, Who tried to discover a hymen, But he found every girl, Had relinquished her pearl In exchange for a solitaire diamond.

The Bar Tender

THE BAR TENDER Sam the bartender announcing last call offered his last customer a hand as he kept making the attempt to stand but winding up on the floor. He dragged himself to the door, grabbed onto the door knob and made another attempt. Failed again. Dragging himself out a few feet he leaned against the wall took a deep breath and slurred: "Sure, glad I live next door". Making his way home and up the three steps to the front door. Grabbing the door knob made another attempt to stand but fell, so into the house he slowly went. He finally made it to bed and fell asleep. The next morning his wife yelled out: "Harry you were out drinking again!?". "No my dear, what brought that up?" he replied. She angrily yell back: "Sam called, you left your wheelchair again"!

One Liners

ONE LINERS · Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. · Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing.That'll keep her busy. · I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind. · After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely. · Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year." Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then." · My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. · Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in. · Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone. What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar? · I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit. · After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing. · A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part." · Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think. · 2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate; when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were Hovis Witnesses

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