Apr 22, 2011

Top 10 Quotes About Men That Every Man Should Live By

A good quote can change a man’s perspective on life. It could shape his behavior for the better or simply make him sound really cultured at a cocktail party. Whether it’s ancient Greek, some kind of Eastern thing or just something you overheard a drunk tell the bartender, it’s nice to have a few excerpts of enlightenment in the back pocket. And although we rule against getting “Carpe Diem” tattooed on your forehead, we do condone memorizing a few of these quotes about men for daily recital.

We understand each man lives by his own set of principles. However, there are poets, thinkers and scholars who have a much better way of articulating the proper ideals of man, and “I believe it was Nietzsche who said… ” always sounds better than, “Phil the plumber says… ”

So to help keep you on the right track in life, here are 10 quotes about men, written by men who’ve lived more notable lives than us, that every man should live by.
Quotes About Men
© Thinkstock

10. John Kennedy

“A man does what he must -- in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers, and pressures -- and that is the basis of all human morality.”

Doing the right thing is not always easy, but the greatest of men understand the obligation to do it anyways. JFK may have faltered on this front with Marilyn Monroe and the 700 other presidential playmates, but maintaining complete morality is a tough process. This isn’t only for men who make decisions on foreign policy, the space race and oval office intercourse, but the everyday decisions as well. Do the right thing and don’t look back; a clear conscience is often underrated.

Pub. 07/13/10
Quotes About Men
© Thinkstock

9. Chuck Norris

“Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.”

A man can model his life solely on the Walker, Texas Ranger ethos, but for the purposes of diversity, we settled for just one Chuck Norris quote. This metallic metaphor reiterates the importance of self-control, and just how destructive your temper can be. Norris knows there’s nothing more pitiful than a father having a tantrum over a high strike at his son’s little league game. Losing your cool in the boardroom or on the sidelines, is perhaps the most devaluing of exercises. Thank you, sensei.

Pub. 07/13/10
Quotes About Men
© Thinkstock

8. Albert Camus

“After a certain age every man is responsible for his face”

Camus’ quote from The Fall is in reference to the protagonist Clamence, a self-absorbed hypocrite who realizes his entire existence is a farce. Hopefully his face looks a lot different from yours. We’re all products of our pasts, and at a certain point “who we are” is a reflection of “what we’ve done.” And when you'd reach that age, you better be proud of the choices you’ve made and the actions you’ve committed, because you’re responsible for them. And if you make a few mistakes, there’s always botox.

Pub. 07/13/10
Quotes About Men
© Thinkstock

7. Theodore Roosevelt

“Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.”

The long and arduous path to the top of the totem pole is about proving yourself on the bottom. Underachievers always think they’ll start performing when they get the promotion to the bigger job, but they’re only fooling themselves. Jim from the compliance department may think he has the goods to get the corner office, but streaming reruns of Alf all day isn’t exactly outgrowing your current position.

Pub. 07/13/10
Quotes About Men
© Thinkstock

6. George Washington

“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.”

A cynical quote from old GW, who was perhaps still bitter he didn’t accept the Brit’s offer to throw Valley Forge, but nonetheless, an insightful quote. Anyone can be bought, and only a select number of strong willed men are impervious to a price. There are two lessons here: One, a man should always strive to honor his principles no matter what the monetary offer may be. Two, if it’s $500,000 or more, make sure you get it in cash -- up front.

Pub. 07/13/10
Quotes About Men
© Thinkstock

5. Oscar Wilde

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”

It’s an old quote that’s revisited by Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally -- there’s no such thing as a platonic relationship between a man and a woman. The man is usually consumed with the idea of sleeping with her. It’s a belief widely acknowledged by men, but rarely accepted by women. Remember that. Movie and dinner nights might mean one thing to you, but she certainly doesn’t view it as a precursor to intercourse.

101 Most Useful Websites You Dont Know About



The list primarily highlights the lesser-known or undiscovered websites and misses out all-time favorites like Google Docs, Wikipedia or IMDB that most of us are already aware of.

Useful Websites Worth a Bookmark!

The sites mentioned below, well most of them, solve at least one problem really well and they all have simple web addresses (URLs) that you can easily learn by heart thus saving you a trip to Google. [via]

01. screenr.com – record movies of your desktop and send them straight to YouTube.
02. bounceapp.com – for capturing full length screenshots of web pages.
03. goo.gl – shorten long URLs and convert URLs into QR codes.
04. untiny.me – find the original URLs that’s hiding behind a short URLs.
05. localti.me – know more than just the local time of a city
06. copypastecharacter.com – copy special characters that aren’t on your keyboard.
07. topsy.com – a better search engine for twitter.
08. fb.me/AppStore – search iOS app without launching iTunes.
09. iconfinder.com – the best place to find icons of all sizes.
10. office.com – download templates, clipart and images for your Office documents.
11. woorank.com – everything you wanted to know about a website.
12. virustotal.com – scan any suspicious file or email attachment for viruses.
13. wolframalpha.com – gets answers directly without searching – see more wolfram tips.
14. printwhatyoulike.com – print web pages without the clutter.
15. joliprint.com – reformats news articles and blog content as a newspaper.
16. isnsfw.com – when you wish to share a NSFW page but with a warning.
17. e.ggtimer.com – a simple online timer for your daily needs.
18. coralcdn.org – if a site is down due to heavy traffic, try accessing it through coral CDN.
19. random.org – pick random numbers, flip coins, and more.
20. mywot.com – check the trust level of any website – example.
21. viewer.zoho.com – Preview PDFs and Presentations directly in the browser.
22. tubemogul.com – simultaneously upload videos to YouTube and other video sites.
23. truveo.com – the best place for searching web videos.
24. scr.im – share you email address online without worrying about spam.
25. spypig.com – now get read receipts for your email.
26. sizeasy.com – visualize and compare the size of any product.
27. whatfontis.com – quickly determine the font name from an image.
28. fontsquirrel.com – a good collection of fonts – free for personal and commercial use.
29. regex.info – find data hidden in your photographs – see more EXIF tools.
30. tineye.com – this is like an online version of Google Googles.
31. iwantmyname.com – helps you search domains across all TLDs.
32. tabbloid.com – your favorite blogs delivered as PDFs.
33. join.me – share you screen with anyone over the web.
34. onlineocr.net – recognize text from scanned PDFs and images – see other OCR tools.
35. flightstats.com – Track flight status at airports worldwide.
36. wetransfer.com – for sharing really big files online.
37. pastebin.com – a temporary online clipboard for your text and code snippets.
38. polishmywriting.com – check your writing for spelling or grammatical errors.
39. awesomehighlighter.com – easily highlight the important parts of a web page.
40. typewith.me – work on the same document with multiple people.
41. whichdateworks.com – planning an event? find a date that works for all.
42. everytimezone.com – a less confusing view of the world time zones.
43. warrick.cs.odu.edu – you’ll need this when your bookmarked web pages are deleted.
44. gtmetrix.com – the perfect tool for measuring your site performance online.
45. imo.im – chat with your buddies on Skype, Facebook, Google Talk, etc. from one place.
46. translate.google.com – translate web pages, PDFs and Office documents.
47. youtube.com/leanback – enjoy a never ending stream of YouTube videos in full-screen.
48. similarsites.com – discover new sites that are similar to what you like already.
49. wordle.net – quick summarize long pieces of text with tag clouds.
50. bubbl.us – create mind-maps, brainstorm ideas in the browser.
51. kuler.adobe.com – get color ideas, also extract colors from photographs.
52. followupthen.com – setup quick reminders via email itself.
53. lmgtfy.com – when your friends are too lazy to use Google on their own.
54. tempalias.com – generate temporary email aliases, better than disposable email.
55. pdfescape.com – lets you can quickly edit PDFs in the browser itself.
56. faxzero.com – send an online fax for free – see more fax services.
57. feedmyinbox.com – get RSS feeds as an email newsletter.
58. isendr.com – transfer files without uploading to a server.
59. tinychat.com – setup a private chat room in micro-seconds.
60. privnote.com – create text notes that will self-destruct after being read.
61. flightaware.com – live flight tracking service for airports worldwide.
62. boxoh.com – track the status of any shipment on Google Maps – alternative.
63. chipin.com – when you need to raise funds online for an event or a cause.
64. downforeveryoneorjustme.com – find if your favorite website is offline or not?
65. example.com – this website can be used as an example in documentation.
66. whoishostingthis.com – find the web host of any website.
67. google.com/history – found something on Google but can’t remember it now?
68. errorlevelanalysis.com – find whether a photo is real or a photoshopped one.
69. google.com/dictionary – get word meanings, pronunciations and usage examples.
70. urbandictionary.com – find definitions of slangs and informal words.
71. seatguru.com – consult this site before choosing a seat for your next flight.
72. sxc.hu – download stock images absolutely free.
73. imo.im – chat with your buddies on Skype, Facebook, Google Talk, etc. from one place.
74. wobzip.org – unzip your compressed files online.
75. vocaroo.com – record your voice with a click.
76. scribblemaps.com – create custom Google Maps easily.
77. buzzfeed.com – never miss another Internet meme or viral video.
78. alertful.com – quickly setup email reminders for important events.
79. encrypted.google.com – prevent your ISP and boss from reading your search queries.
80. formspring.me – you can ask or answer personal questions here.
81. snopes.com – find if that email offer you received is real or just another scam.
82. typingweb.com – master touch-typing with these practice sessions.
83. mailvu.com – send video emails to anyone using your web cam.
84. ge.tt – quickly send a file to someone, they can even preview it before downloading.
85. timerime.com – create timelines with audio, video and images.
86. stupeflix.com – make a movie out of your images, audio and video clips.
87. aviary.com/myna – an online audio editor that lets record, and remix audio clips online.
88. noteflight.com – print music sheets, write your own music online (review).
89. disposablewebpage.com – create a temporary web page that self-destruct.
90. namemytune.com – when you need to find the name of a song.
91. homestyler.com – design from scratch or re-model your home in 3d.
92. snapask.com – use email on your phone to find sports scores, read Wikipedia, etc.
93. teuxdeux.com – a beautiful to-do app that looks like your paper dairy.
94. livestream.com – broadcast events live over the web, including your desktop screen.
95. bing.com/images – automatically find perfectly-sized wallpapers for mobiles.
96. historio.us – preserve complete web pages with all the formatting.
97. dabbleboard.com – your virtual whiteboard.
98. whisperbot.com – send an email without using your own account.
99. sumopaint.com – an excellent layer-based online image editor.
100. lovelycharts.com – create flowcharts, network diagrams, sitemaps, etc.
101. nutshellmail.com – Get your Facebook and Twitter streams in your inbox.

10 Things You Shouldn't Do On Facebook

People often post offensive or insensitive things on their Facebook, and sometimes those updates and pictures can be downright criminal - literally. [via]

Check out Techland's list of things you shouldn't do on Facebook, lest you want to face some sort of negative repercussions. Ranging from being convicted of a criminal offense to making yourself a target of a robbery to things that can help you lose your job, here's things that you can easily avoid doing. Try to exercise common sense when using the social network: It's all public knowledge after all.

1. Post About How Much You Hate Your Job


It's tempting to air out your grievances on Facebook, but remember your employer could be watching.

Dr. June Talvitie-Siple formerly of Cohasset High School was asked to resign after she updated her Facebook status to call local area parents "arrogant and snobby" and to refer to some her her students as "germ bags." The statements may or may not have been true, but she should have kept her opinions to herself if she wanted to keep her almost $100,000 a year job.

2. Show That You Support Underage Drinking Through Your Pictures

The police are now scouting Facebook pictures for evidence of underage drinking, so before you post that fun night out, you might want to think twice. Several students at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse faced underage drinking fines after pictures of him at a party surfaced on his Facebook page.

Of age hosts of parties can face legal action too: Theodore and Laura Berent hosted a party where they served alcohol to minors and found themselves in trouble with local law enforcement after pictures ended up on Facebook. And, if your employer finds your drinking questionable, you can be fired. A Barrow County, Ga. teacher was fired because she posted pictures of her drinking at the Guinness Factory and in Temple Bar in Dublin. Although she claims she didn't appear intoxicated in the pictures, she couldn't erase the fact that she used an explicative word on her Facebook, which also led to her removal.



3. Post Evidence That You Cheated On Your Significant Other

News flash: Divorce lawyers know how to use Facebook too. According to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence taken from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites. Facebook is the number one go to place to find dirt on your client's spouse. Sixty-six percent of the time proof of an affair from a social networking site comes from Facebook.

4. Update Your Status While Robbing A House

If you're going to do something illegal, it's pretty obvious that you shouldn't leave evidence - which also includes logging out of your Facebook profile if you so happened to check in while robbing a house. Had this thief not stopped to check his profile on his way out, he may have never been caught. Instead, now there's irrefutable evidence he was in the victim's home illegally.

5. Ask For Help So You Can Plagiarize

Asking people for what the homework assignment was on Facebook is fine, but when you start copying answers from posts on walls and groups it becomes plagiarism. Universities in the UK are on to this trick, especially since a Cambridge University survey revealed that one in two students had cheated. Forty nine percent of the 1,000 people questioned said they had copied someone else's work, with 82 percent admitting that they copied straight from Wikipedia.

6. Post Private Pictures of Your Ex



If you're angry at your ex, don't take it out on them by posting private material shared between you two - and especially don't post in on Facebook. A New Zealand man was sentenced to four months in jail for posting private pictures of his ex-girlfriend on the social networking site. Even though the judge saw that the photo was posted in an "irresponsible drunken jealous rage," it didn't make it any less of a criminal offense.

7. Extort People Through Facebook



Extortion is always illegal, but doing it through Facebook leaves digital evidence that a criminal will find hard to erase. Anthony Stancl received 15 years in jail for extorting naked photos through Facebook from underage males. Stancl, who was 18 at the time, posed as a female on the social networking site and tricked classmates into sending explicit photos of themselves, which he used as blackmail. The fake profile was eventually traced back to him.

8. Admit You Aren't Going To Be Home For While

Burglars are now becoming tech savvy and checking Facebook to see if you are out of the house. A string of New Hampshire robberies were tied to this modus operandi; the suspects checked Facebook for children's or parents' updates that said that the family was going to go on vacation. A Virginia woman was robbed as well after she said she was going to a concert at a specific time on a specific day, leaving her house empty for several hours.

However, Facebook saved the day on this one: A friend watched the video from her home surveillance security system and recognized one of robbers as one of the Virginia woman's 500 "friends."

9. Brag About All Your New, Expensive Items

Yeah, we know you want to tell all your friends about that cool new computer, iPad and iPod you got for your birthday, but remember there may be some disingenous people reading your Facebook update as well. British-based Legal & General warns that Facebook users might be making themselves potential targets when posting about their expensive new items, and when coupled with letting people know you are out of the home for a while on vacation or at a special event, it can be an invitation to be robbed. Similarly, posting personal details like your address and phone number can make it even easier for those robbers to determine where you live and when you aren't home.

10. Admit To A Crime On Facebook


While some people have been exonerated by updating their Facebook status at the time when they were alleged of committing a crime, admitting to a crime can get you in legal hot water.

Check out this exchange, originally posted on the Daily Telegraph:

To answer your question, yes your Facebook update can be used as evidence. And yes, if someone identifies you as the person who committed a crime by your Facebook profile, it's completely legal and admissible in court.

56 Google Search Tricks

Google has been around for a while now, and if you're just starting college, you've probably used the search engine for most of your academic life. But there's more to the powerful search tool than just typing in keywords. Here are 56 Google search tricks for all types of students, whether you're in high school, pursuing an online degree, or are just trying to brush up on your own research skills.

Advanced Search

When you're searching for specific material, use Advanced Search to plug in qualifiers that will narrow down your search. Here are more Advanced Search tricks to learn.

  1. Search within a domain: Only let Google bring up .edu or .gov sites, for example, if you want primary sources or authoritative information.
  2. Select file type: This very handy qualifier is useful when you need to quickly find certain types of data or information for a presentation. You can choose to limit results to .pdf, .xls, Google Earth, .doc, .rtf, and more.
  3. : If you're looking to use open source material or unlicensed material, this is a good trick to make sure you're on track.
  4. Exclude terms: Use a minus sign right before a word (-example) to eliminate it from your search results.
  5. Wildcard search: The * key acts as a wildcard in Google search that can be helpful with early stages of research. Google gives the example [Obama voted * on the * bill] to learn about Obama's votes on several different bills.
  6. Blogs: After conducting a search, click on the "Blogs" button under "Show Options" to view only blog posts on the subject.
  7. Limit synonyms: Did you know that Google sometimes finds results that don't match your search exactly, but that use synonyms instead? Type in the + sign before a search to eliminate synonyms and use your words only.
  8. Language: For foreign language or international business or policy classes, or if you just have to have a primary source, use this selector to change language settings.
  9. Where your keywords show up: When you're looking for very specific information or for a specific kind of source, you can use this feature to limit where the keywords show up in your search: the URL, title of the article, in links to the page, or just anywhere in the page.
  10. Find pages that link to the page: Use this feature when you want to do a little more digging. You'll stumble across blog posts, journal articles and news stories that offer more in-depth commentary.
  11. Quotation marks: Put quotation marks around a phrase to let Google know you want that exact phrase in that order.

Scholar Search

Google Scholar is an excellent resource for undergraduate and graduate students who want a quick way to connect to authoritative information from journals and scholarly publications. Use these tips to search Scholar.

  1. Search by author: Scholar recommends using the author's initials, or at least first initial and last name, to increase your results.
  2. Search by journal: Used Scholar's Advanced Search to find articles published in a specific journal or publication.
  3. Find articles and pieces that reference that article: By typing in the name of an article in quotation marks, you'll find that paper plus other papers that reference it.
  4. Limit by date: Make sure you're citing the most updated research by limiting your returns by date.
  5. Find court opinions: If you're searching for court opinions, you can search by state, choose only U.S. federal court opinions, or expand your search to all journals and opinions.
  6. Select collections: Also in Advanced Search is the option to select collections like Chemistry and Materials Science or Social Sciences, Arts, and Humanities.
  7. Search Library Links: Under Google Scholar Preferences, you'll find the option to find library access links.
  8. Start with citations, then move offline: Sometimes Google will pull up a citation but not the whole piece because it hasn't found it online. If it looks like a good match for your research, copy it down and bring it to your librarian for help locating it.
  9. Find foreign language journals: Look for primary materials from foreign language journals in Chinese, Dutch, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Polish, Spanish and more.
  10. Bibliography Manager: Bibliography Manager is a Scholar feature that lets you add citations in various formats like RefWorks, RefMan, EndNote, and BibTeX. This is found in the Preferences section.

Reference Tools and Tips

Google is full of tricks for pulling up statistics, basic facts and reference material. Check here for great shortcuts for finding definitions and more.

  1. Dictionary: Type the word "define" before the word you want to look up in the Google search bar.
  2. Calculator: Just type in an equation with the = sign to use Google's calculator feature. You can find more calculator operators and symbols here.
  3. Books: Click on the "Books" option under "Shop Options" after entering your search. You'll find Google books on the subject, and can quickly add them to your library or preview them.
  4. Unit conversion: Let Google complete unit conversions for you when you type in a problem, like "4 lbs in kg."
  5. Cooking conversions: When you're trying out mom's recipes at school, use this feature to solve cooking conversions.
  6. Numeric ranges: If you want to know who was president during a certain timeframe, type in "president 1940…1950" for example. You can also use this feature to find results that contain certain dollar amounts or other numerical ranges.
  7. Stock Quotes: For business classes, you can use the Stock Quotes search by typing in the ticker symbol. Google will bring up current stock quotes.
  8. Glossary: Type in a word followed by ~glossary to find glossaries, term lists and dictionary entries for that word.
  9. Package tracking: Find out when your next care package arrives when you use this feature.
  10. Public data: Look up public data by typing in keywords and a location, like "population california."
  11. Area Code Lookup: This feature should be useful when applying for jobs or looking for places to visit in your area for research.
  12. Froogle: Whether you're shopping for the best deal or are conducting market research for a project, use Google's product search tool, Froogle.

Notes and Organization

Keep your research organized with these tricks.

  1. Search within a site: Type "example search term site: example website" to search a keyword or search term within that site only, if you need to use a particular source.
  2. SearchWiki: Use SearchWiki to star and edit your favorite results, even hidden ones.
  3. info:: Find information about a website if you need to verify it or collect data for a citation.
  4. Custom Search Engine: Create your own custom search engine with Google. You can name it, pick the language, and select only certain sites to be searched.
  5. Learn how to assess credibility: This slide explains how to check a page's "about" section, find a date and author, and verify the author's credentials on Google.
  6. Google Toolbar: Great for study groups, this toolbar lets you share websites with friends and translate web pages.
  7. Pay attention to Google's indents: Google indents results when they're from the same website as the result above it.

Social and New Media Search

Google is a great tool for finding images, toying around with new media, and locating and connecting with people online. Here are some Google tips to help you maximize Google's cutting edge potential.

  1. Google Maps eye-level perspective: Once you've searched for a particular map, drag the little person icon (located at the top of the zoom in/zoom out bar) anywhere on the map to get an eye-level perspective.
  2. Google Groups: When you want to pull up information from Google Groups only, you can type in the author's name, group name or insubject: and the subject keyword.
  3. Updates: After conducting a search, click on the "Updates" button under "Show Options." You'll get a steady stream of the most updated social media comments about that topic. Clicking "Discussions" will take you to forums Q&A pages.
  4. Google Image Search: You probably know how to use image search, but did you know it's a useful way to ID people and look up foreign language definitions?
  5. Knol: While it may not be the most authoritative search tool, Knol can help you start your research and find out how others around the world are reacting to current events and popular discussion topics.
  6. Recognize faces: Follow this link for instructions on how to get Google to recognize faces, and not bring up other image results when you type in someone's name.

Shortcuts

Use these shortcuts to make your Google searches even faster.

  1. I'm Feeling Lucky: If you're an expert searcher, use this button on the Google search page to get automatically directed to the first web page that would normally show up in a list in a general search.
  2. "Better than" and "reminds me of": This weird little tip will help you find comparisons. Just type in either search term and then a keyword, all enclosed in quotation marks.
  3. cache:: Use this shortcut to show a web page in its cached version.
  4. related:: Type in a website after related: to find related sites.
  5. Shortcut for spellcheck: Don't bother going to a dictionary website to see if you spelled something correctly: just enter it into Google's search bar, and the "did you mean…" suggestion will pop up with the correct spelling.
  6. Google Blog Search: Blog Search is another quick way to jump to blog posts only.
  7. Set up iGoogle: Personalize your Google homepage so that it contains links to your favorite feeds and research pages.

Miscellaneous

From looking for jobs to understanding case sensitivity, here are more Google tricks for students.

  1. Google Job Directory: Use this tool to look for job opportunities, including seasonal jobs and job fairs.
  2. Delete search history: You can clear your address bar history, Google Toolbar history, and Google search box history here.
  3. Search operators are case sensitive: Google isn't case sensitive when it reads your keywords, but operators like OR are.

15 Worst Birthday Gifts to Give Your Girlfriend

As we state often, there are always exceptions to every rule, but some things are fairly universal. Women tend to hold their own birthdays in high regard; there’s the happy party vibe, and there’s the mild self-loathing that accompanies her feeling of getting one year older. It’s a tense time for any would-be gift giver, to be sure. There are certain things that guys simply should not get their girlfriends for their birthdays, however — unless she explicitly asks for them. Some could get a guy slapped, and some might hurt not for what they could get him, but for what he won’t be gettingafter giving them. These are the 15 worst birthday gifts to give a girlfriend; don’t make any of these mistakes.[via manolith]

Any Household Appliance

01

Image Source

Nothing says romance like a vacuum cleaner. You may think you’re being thoughtful, but the sight of a brand new toaster, vacuum, iron, and so on is tantamount to saying “how about you clean up your dump of an apartment.” Unless she’s in genuine need of one of these things, and asks for it, this is not what you want to hand her on that special day.>

Acne or Wrinkle Creams

02

Image Source

We see women spend ridiculous amounts of money and time on facial creams, exfoliants, complexion repair treatments, “age-defying” lotions and all the other things they gobble up on a regular basis. Some of us might get the bright idea to get a girl some of this stuff for her birthday, thinking it’s normal and apparently appreciated. We’d be wrong. Getting a girl anything but scented lotions is like saying she needs some work done, and she’s not likely to appreciatethat very much.

Gym Membership

Image Source

This should be a no-brainer, but it happens. Guys run into the problem fairly often; their girl gets a little lazy with work and school and setting aside relaxation time, or there’s just too many shots and not enough laps — whatever the case may be, getting her a gym membership is not the answer. It’s liable to get you slapped if you’re not careful (duck fast) and there’s really no way around the fact that it’s pretty insulting.

Nose Hair Trimmer

04

Image Source

As odd as this sounds, it’s happened more times than should ever be counted. Usually as part of a bigger package, lazy guys make the mistake of not accounting for the unisex nature oftravel kits. It’s bad enough that you’re handing your girlfriend a totally insincere, last minute “gift,” but having a nose hair trimmer as part of the deal is like a slap to the face — something you should probably expect if you try this one.

A Cook Book

05

Image Source

Much like the household appliances, this screams anything but romance. In fact, what it says most is “get to the kitchen and make me sandwich.” You may as well hand her some oven mitts, an apron, and a bag of flour while you’re at it. As nice as it’d be, we don’t live in the world of Mad Men, and you’d be safer taking her out to dinner instead of giving her instructions on how to make you dinner.

A Bikini Wax Kit

Image Source

This says “I don’t like the way your whole crotch looks, and I’d like you to change that for me.” Not exactly the romantic message you want to send to a girl on her birthday, is it? A gift certificate to an expensive, full service salon/spa that also offers bikini wax services is a better bet. You never know, while she’s there, she may decide on her own to go ahead and trim the grounds.

Facial Hair Remover

07

Image Source

These things, hilarious as they may be, are all the rage right now among women. They apparently do work for all sorts of things, but women don’t generally react well to guys suggesting they use them. You may think you’re being clever in getting her a useful tool to use in her never ending quest for beauty, but she’ll think you’re telling her she has a mustache and a unibrow.

A Stripper Pole

08

Image Source

No matter how much she may flirt with the idea of getting one of these things, her birthday is notthe day to present her with one. If she decides she wants a stripper pole, an event for which the odds are decidedly against, then feel free to offer to buy her one when that time comes. Just don’t be that guy who gives his girlfriend a stripper pole for her birthday; you’ll never hear the end of it.

Workout Videos

Somewhat like the stripper pole, these ridiculous things are often talked about by women who are fully aware of how dumb they are, but still find some recreational and exercise value in them. The thing is, you can’t just up and give her one of these workout DVDs, and you definitely can’t do it on her birthday. It’s basically saying “you could use this, you’ve been letting yourself go.”

Expensive Diet Plans

10

Image Source

You watch her eat like a bird, she’s picky as hell, she wants to lose five pounds, she eyes every diet in every magazine, and so on, and so on. It doesn’t matter what she says or thinks, you’re not supposed to agree with her in the first place, much less force any sort of diet on her. Even if you spend $1000 on some fancy, wholly ridiculous diet plan and hand it to her, you’re still saying “you’re fat, eat this instead, fatty.”

Tickets to an Event You Want to Attend

11

Image Source

This is usually pretty hilarious to watch take place, but painful at the same time. It goes something like this: Guy wants to go to game/concert/fight/etc. Girl wants to go see [insert any female singer/songwriter] live in concert. Guy doesn’t listen and/or care and buys “her” a pair of extremely expensive tickets to the event that he wants to see, and hands them to her acting like he just gave her an amazing gift. She struggles not to strangle him, thinks he’s an idiot, and she’s right.

Anything for Her Car

12

Image Source

You might think you’re being super helpful and cute by getting her something for her car; maybe it’s a set of matching seat covers or maybe it’s a GPS navigation unit, or even a new sound system that makes your own look like crap. News flash: Chicks don’t really care. If it’s some sort of interior add-on, she’s probably not going to like the color, because she would rather choose it herself or not buy it at all. If it’s electronics, then she probably won’t see the use in it since her stuff works just fine, or she’ll use it like it’s cheap OEM garbage and completely waste the money you spent on it. Just leave her car alone, it’s not worth going there.

The Walgreens Special

13

Image Source

Evidence that a guy completely forgot or blew off his girlfriend’s birthday until the very last minute, the Walgreens Special is simple: You hit up Walgreens or any drug store that lies between work and home, and raid the place for anything and everything that could possibly fill the gaping hole that should be filled with a real birthday present.

A Card with Money

14

Image Source

What are you, her grandfather? Nothing says love like a wad of cash, right? Giving her money for her birthday is basically treating her like a prostitute, and that’s how she’ll feel. You may as well leave it on the nightstand, and give her a slap on the ass while you’re at it. Don’t be her John, be her boyfriend.

Nothing at All

15

Image Source

While, in most cases, she won’t even say a word should you get her absolutely nothing for her birthday, this is the absolute worst thing you could do. Even if she swears up and down for three months beforehand that she doesn’t want a present from you, you should attempt to find some way to honor her wishes but go against them at the same time — even if it’s a single flower, or taking her out to dinner. Just don’t blow it off like you got away with something, she’ll remember it.