Loan Arithmetic

 

Loan Arithmetic

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?' 

'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly. 

'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?' 

'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'

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Shopping

 Shopping

While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. 

When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. 

"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit per- fectly around his neck."

Lollipop Sales Man

 

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Story of a Woman

 Story of a Woman who just turned 47

When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend.

When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him.

He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.

I am now 47 and am looking for a guy with a big dick.

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Total BS Breakup Lines

 

Melt

 

Lazy Man Story

 

Pic

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Sexual Harassment Policy

 

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Pregnant

 Pregnant

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year-old rancher in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a "mail order" bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.. Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course. Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. "How's the new wife?" asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, "Oh, she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too."