Different types of pain

Three women, while traveling in a train, are
discussing different types of pain.

The first woman says, "There is no pain like when you
suffer a fracture."

The second woman says, "That's nothing. Post-surgical
pain is the worst."

The third woman says, "I disagree. Pain during childbirth
is the severest."

An old man who is resting up on the top bunk overhears
this conversation and interrupts them.

"I don't think you three have ever experienced a swift
kick to the balls."

 

ooooo

 

THERE once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose, You’ve got crabs I suppose."
She said, "Yes and the fuckers are itchin’!"

There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat

ooooo

 

 

The Miranda Rights For New York City

1. You have the right to swing first. Anything you do can and
will lead to a broken fucking skull.

2. You have the right to have a priest and/or an EMT present
at the time of the skull breaking.

3. If you don't have a priest, one will be appointed free of
charge, to read you the last rites, you piece of shit.

A Horny Old Geezer

A Horny Old Geezer


One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.

Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District.

A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse.

The next morning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs.

So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.

He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"

The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"

BUBBA

A middle aged guy, tired of mowing the lawn, finally breaks down
and hires a neighborhood kid named Bubba to do the job for him.

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Bubba
comes in after having mowed the lawn and proceeds to pee in the
toilet.

Curiosity got the better of the husband and he just had to look.
Bubba had the largest penis he had ever seen!!!

The man asked Bubba, "I don't mean to be too personal, but how
did your dick get that big? I couldn't help but notice..."

Bubba laughed and said,

"It's simple, every night before I go to bed, I bang it on the
bedpost three times."

The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and
could hardly wait to try it himself. Before he climbed into bed
that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three
times.

He was just climbing into bed with newfound confidence when his
wife sat up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and said,

"Is that you, Bubba?"

 -----------------------------

A priest was out walking his parish when he noticed a small boy sitting on the stoop, crushing a flow of ants with his foot. As he ground the ants into the pavement, he kept yelling, "These goddam ants! These goddam ants!"
The priest went over to him and chided, "Little boy, God never put anything on Earth without a purpose."
"Sure He did," said the boy.
"And what would those be, my son?"
"Tits on a nun, balls on a priest, and these goddam ants!"

---------------------------------

Q: What's the main difference between mayonnaise and semen?
A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles per hour.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A: The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry it.

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

LOST AN ARM

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.
He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar
and a lot of things that took two arms. One day he had had it.

 

He decided to commit suicide.

 

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping
along, whistling and kicking up his heels.

 

He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself,
I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no
arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad
he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly
and useless and was going to kill himself.
He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it
with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

 

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his
heels again. He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway? "

 

He said, "I'm NOT happy; my ass itches."

 

YYYYY

 

 "I'm afraid I have some bad news," the doctor says.  "You're dying,
and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man.  "How long have I got?"
"Ten........," the doctor's voice trailed off.
"'Ten?' the man asks.  "Ten what?  Years?    Months?  Weeks?  What?"
"Nine.......,"

 

YYYYY

Q: What did one pedophile say to the other?
A: Have you got two fives for a ten?

 

Q: Why are faggots such pricks?
A: You are what you eat.

IM WITH AN IDIOT (SILLY GIRL CLASSIC)

 IM With An Idiot

(Very Oldie)

 

This classic IM actually happened with an old friend of mine.  (Sillygirll6931)

I crack up everytime I read it.

Hello all...
Today I had an ecounter with someone who is probably the stupidest person on the face of the Earth.  You all know how much I HATE the  a/s/l IMs,  and I just could NOT back down from giving this loser everything I could think of to throw at him...LOL... enjoy.. I sure did..hehehe.
NHWhGuy: a/s/l/ pic Sillygirll6931: do I know you? NHWhGuy: not yet Sillygirll6931: then please don't IM me NHWhGuy: why Sillygirll6931: because I said so. NHWhGuy: why Sillyigirll6931: do you speak English?

( five minutes later...)
NHWhGuy: want fuck Sillygirll6931: excuse me? NHWhGuy: i am 10 incesSillygirll6931: and I am the first lady. Go away.NHWhGuy: I lik pussySillygirll6931: You have a wonderful grasp of the english
language. What are you ... 12?NHWhGuy: want fuck Sillygirll6931: I am not sure I understand you.. are you asking
a question or making a statement?NHWhGuy: i am 16Sillygirll6931: 16 inches or 16 years old?Sillygirll6931: Keep in mind that 16 AOL inches equals 4 real
life inches?NHWhGuy: 10 incesSillygirll6931: well I wish you would make up your mind. 10 INCHES
is actually 2.NHWhGuy: cyberSillygirll6931: Hey!! You spelled something right! You'll make it to
the third grade in no time. NHWhGuy: whatSillygirll6931: what?NHWhGuy: r u hotSillygirll6931: Well, actually it is snowing here, so it is hard to be hotNHWhGuy: mak u hotSillygirll6931: you couldn't MAKE me hot if I was sitting bare-assed on
a wood stove.NHWhGuy: Make you walk the sheetsSillygirll6931: What's that? Your mother walks the streets? Oh now I
understand things much better..NHWhGuy: u r funny ha haSillygirll6931: Thank you. You are an imbecile.NHWhGuy: u lik meSillygirll6931: Lick you or like you? Either way I will have to think about
it a bit..Sillygirll6931: Ok, thought about it..... NONHWhGuy:  r u whiteSillygirll6931: actually I am a pinkish color.Sillygirll6931: Is your neck red?Sillygirll6931: Do you have a junkyard in front of your trailer?NHWhGuy: whatSillygirll6931: Me Tarzan, you Jane.NHWhGuy: i like uSillygirll6931: I am so glad to hear that.Sillygirll6931: It is past your naptime, kid. Better go upstairs and brush
your tooth, pop a few zits, etc.NHWhGuy: no its notSillygirll6931: Then why is your mother calling you? Never mind, I don't
want to know.NHWhGuy: whySillygirll6931: why what? Why do you have the IQ of a goat?  I have the
answer...INBREEDING.NHWhGuy: i have a g/fSillygirll6931: Oh really? How many teeth does she have?Sillygirll6931: Does she shave her mustache before kissing you?NHWhGuy: we like 3waysSillygirll6931: Oh cool.. I know someone who might be interested.NHWhGuy: whoSillygirll6931: she's right here .....baaaaaaa...baaaaaaa Sillygirll6931: she still smells like the barn, but I am sure you are used
to thatNHWhGuy: whySillygirll6931: because she is a sheep, numbstick!NHWhGuy: why u have sheepSillygirll6931: oh forget it. Go get your own. Sillygirll6931: a pimple on my ass would have ten times the intelligence you have. NHWhGuy: cyber meSillygirll6931: hmm.. let me think about it awhile.Sillygirll6931:  NoNHWhGuy: u dont like meSillygirll6931: Really! What gave you that idea?NHWhGuy: why r u in bi roomSillygirll6931: Well, you see I thought maybe if I came in here another 16
year old sheep-fucking, pimple-faced, braincell-challenged redneck idiot
with a 2 inch penis and a 3 word vocabulary might IM me and try to cyber.
 
(Long pause)
Sillygirll6931: was that too many words for you?NHWhGuy: i am not 16Sillygirll6931: Really.. and I thought you were being honest.NHWhGuy: i am 20Sillygirll6931:  as if it makes all the difference in the world.NHWhGuy: age dont matterSillygirll6931: actually it does, since you claim to be 20 with the intellect
of a 14 year old pervert.NHWhGuy: fuck uSillygirll6931: No thanks, I am not into sheep.Sillygirll6931: baaaaaaaa baaaaaaaaNHWhGuy: u r funnySillygirll6931: nope.. I am Silly you dorkhead.
Sillygirll6931: Well junior, it's been fun. But I know you should be taking a
nap by now, or your mommy will be mad at you and Santa won't bring you
any presents.NHWhGuy: moms not home Sillygirll6931: Oh that's right, she's working. And she will probably have
breakfast with her pimp when her shift is over.NHWhGuy: fuck uSillygirll6931: baaaaaaaaaNHWhGuy: fat ugly dikeSillygirll6931: that's DYKE you uneducated drip of snot. Sillygirll6931: If I am a fat ugly dyke, then why do you want to cyber me?NHWhGuy: cant get a manSillygirll6931: Oh, don't give up so easily, Junior. I know there is a perfect
man out there somewhere just waiting for you.NHWhGuy: no u cant get a manSillygirll6931: I am a dyke, remember, genius?NHWhGuy: hope u get shit for xmasSillygirll6931: Was that an insult? Allright junior!! Way to go!!NHWhGuy: fuck uSillygirll6931: Don't hold back now!NHWhGuy: fat assSillygirll6931: baaaaaaaaa.. baaaaaaaa
Sillygirll6931: Well junior, thank you so much for entertaining me. I
always enjoy watching a dildo like you make a complete ass of himself.NHWhGuy: u r a fucken fat ass dike bitchSillygirll6931: That's a good boy. I am
sure your parents will be proud when they read this.NHWhGuy:  they wont read itSillygirll6931: They will when I mail it to the master screen name account of the computer you are using right now.NHWhGuy: u cant do thatSillygirll6931: Why don't you just wait and see?NHWhGuy: noSillygirll6931: yesssss!NHWhGuy:  r u goin to mail itSillygirll6931: Junior, this is such a classic I am going to mail it to everyone I know, INCLUDING your parents and AOLNHWhGuy: please dontSillygirll6931: Now its please... NHWhGuy: never mind i dont want cyber uSillygirll6931: Oh how disappointing. NHWhGuy: i want be frendsSillygirll6931: I am sure you will make lots of new friends in prison.NHWhGuy: byeSillygirll6931: bye Junior.. don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.NHWhGuy: whatSillygirll6931: I said go smell a fart.NHWhGuy: No u didntSillygirll6931: Say no to drugs!NHWhGuy: u r werd Sillygirll6931:  And you have the brains of a doorknob. Good luck in prison,
and remember my barn door is always open to you.NHWhGuy:  bitchSillygirll6931: don't go away mad..just go away

Here's the good part... an hour later I went to put this guy's name on my idiot list for future reference.. and it said he wasn't a member.  Either he changed his SN immediately, or he's not on AOL...
hmmmmmm......
Anyway, everyone keep an eye out for him, and let him have it if you see him...LMAOFF

Why Vibrators Are Better Than Men......

Why Vibrators Are Better Than Men......

(Back by popular demand)

 

*It's happy to keep going until we're satisfied.
*Vibrators don't prematurely ejaculate.
*A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating."
*They don't get tired after the first time.
*You never have to lie to a vibrator by saying it was good or ...
that you had an orgasm.
*Vibrators  never go limp and rubbery,you simply replace
the batteries when it tires.
*Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!!
*You can throw them in a drawer and only take them out when you want to!
*Vibrators don't hog the remote ... Nor the computer!!
*We can get a bigger one or one that has better options
whenever you want without being called a slut.
*Position is your choice, not his.
*You don't have to suck it.
*It always is hard.
*It doesn't leave a mess behind.
*You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.
*It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.
*It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.
*You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.
*You don't have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be
interested in it the next morning.
*They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you
are in the mood.
*They never drink too much and embarrass you.
*You don't have to tell the vibrator he's the best you ever had!
*Safe sex without a rubber
*Vibrators do what you want them to do at ALL times!
*Vibrators are portable so you can do it any time, any where you want!!
*They never ask how they were.
*They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.
*You don't have to stroke its ego.
*They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another get-go.
*It doesn't leave a wet spot.
*It doesn't require "a little lip action"to get hard.
*It has no problem finding the "g spot."
*You know exactly where its been.
*Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed.
*Vibrators don't get jealous if you have 2 or more.