Feb 21, 2012
Oxymorons
Oxymorons
- Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
- Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
- If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
- If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
- Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
- Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
- Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
- Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
- Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
- Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
- Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
- Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
- Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
- Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
- Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
- If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
- Why is bra singular and panties plural?
- Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
- Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
- How come abbreviated is such a long word?
- Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
- Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
- Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Moon Landing
Moon Landing
Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth women?"
"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.
"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?" asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"
Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth women?"
"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.
"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?" asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"
Awful Sex Life
Awful Sex Life
One woman was complaining to her friend, "My sex life is awful. My husband doesn't have the foggiest idea how to make me come. What's worse is, he gets mad when I try to tell him."
"Do what I did," 2nd gal replied. "I told my husband that I was exactly like his Computer."
"Like his Computer?" replies the 1st woman.
"Yeah," the 2nd woman replied. "We both come with instructions."
One woman was complaining to her friend, "My sex life is awful. My husband doesn't have the foggiest idea how to make me come. What's worse is, he gets mad when I try to tell him."
"Do what I did," 2nd gal replied. "I told my husband that I was exactly like his Computer."
"Like his Computer?" replies the 1st woman.
"Yeah," the 2nd woman replied. "We both come with instructions."
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