Friendship Between Women And Men

Friendship Between Women:
When A Wife Did Not Come Home One Night And Next Day She Told Her Husband That She Had Slept Last Night At A Friend’s House.
Then The Husband Called His Wife’s Ten Best Friends.
None Of Them Knew About It.
Friendship Between Men:
When A Husband Didn’t Come Home One Night And The Next Day He Told His Wife That He Had Slept Last Night At A Friend’s House
Then Wife Called Her Husband’s Ten Best Friends
Eight Of Them Confirmed That He Had Slept Over
And Two Claimed That He Was Still There.

Common Between Men And Dog

1. Both Take Up Too Much Space On The Bed.
2. Both Have Irrational Fears About Vacuum Cleaning.
3. Both Are Threatened By Their Own Kind
4. Both Like To Chew Wood.
5. Both Mark Their Territory.
6. Both Are Bad At Asking You Questions.
7. Neither Tells You What’s Bothering Them.
8. Both Tend To Smell Riper With Age.
9. The Smaller Ones Tend To Be More Nervous.
10. Neither Does Any Dishes.
11. Neither Of Them Notice When You Get Your Hair Cut.
12. Both Like Dominance Games.
13. Both Are Suspicious Of The Postman.
14. Neither Knows How To Talk On The Telephone.
15. Neither Understands What You See In Cats.

Santa & Wrong Number

Santa Ne Delhi Se Apni Wife Ko Chandigarh Phone Kiya To Naukar Ne Phone Uthaya.
Santa: “Madam Se Baat Karvao Meri”
Naukar: “Wo To Sahab Ke Saath Room Mein So Rahi Hai”
Santa: “Par Saab To Main Hoon”
Naukar: “To Fir Mein Kya Karoo”
Santa: “Dono Ko Jaake Goli Maar De”
After Killing
Naukar: “Laasho Ka Kya Karu?”
Santa: Ghar Ke Piche Jo Swimming Pool Hai Usmein Laashein Fenk Ke Bhaag Ja”

Naukar: “Par Hamare Ghar Mein To Swimmingpool Hai Hi Nahi”
Santa: “Oh Tuhadi Pen Di, Eh Taan Wrong Number Si

Akbar Birbal our Randi ki Farmayish

Ek baar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek randi ne mujra kiya. Woh badi hi KANTEELI NACHANIYA thi.Itni zor se naachi ke sabke tatte short ho gaye.

Akbar bahut khush ho gaya. Usne randi ko kaha, “Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri jaan? Sona-chandi, heere-moti,jaageer…. kya chahiye, bol.Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de…...uski behen chod di jayegi.”

Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke.Par woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki aurat thi. Uske gandu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha.

Woh Akbar se boli, “Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamati mile to kuch arz
karoon”.

Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut senti tha.Woh bola, “Jo marzi
maang, Jamna darling.”

Randi boli,“Jahanpanah, mujhe aapki raajgadi pe tatti karni hai.”

Ek baar to Akbar ko samajh hi nahin aaya ki kya yeh randi BAWLI GAAND to nahin ho gayi? Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta tha….promise jo kar diya tha. Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi…. woh nahin maani. Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date dedi.

Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par bhen ki laudi maan ke nahin deti thi. Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi….usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya.

Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein
hai. Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa chudwaani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.

Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka.
Bhenchod ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi. Subah -subah randi ne darbaar mein grand entrance maara. Kehne lagi, “Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon… jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiye.”

Akbar ne phatti gaand ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal to bhen
ka lauda hasi has raha tha. Apni seat se khada hua aur bola, “Jamnabai, tumne tatti karne ki demand ki thi….so karo. Lekin agar ek boond bhi moot nikal aaya to yeh talwaar choot mein ghusa ke gaand se nikaal doonga….”

Randi ko samajh aa gaya ki is baar uska paala kisi andu pandu se
nahin, Birbal se pada hai. Woh chupchaap uthi aur ghar chali gayi…...

dog

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone...




"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.




Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.




The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back ... "Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog."

50 More Facts

1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.




2. A raisin dropped in a glass of freshchampagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.




3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.




4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.




5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.








6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.




7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.




8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.




9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.




10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.




11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.




12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casin0s.




13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.




14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.




15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!




16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.




17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.




18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.




19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.




20. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.




21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.




22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.




23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.




24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.




25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.




26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.




27. A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.




28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.




29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.




30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.




31. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.




32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.




33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.




34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".




35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.




36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".




37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.




39. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.




40. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.




41. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.




42. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.




43. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.




44. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.




45. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.




46. There are more chickens than people in the world.




47. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.




48. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.




49. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is "s ub c ont in ent al".




50. There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.

Lucky guy

A deformed and ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.




"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.




"I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks; like in the movies.




I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.








Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made …. All night, all over the house. We did everything;!"




"Fantastic!" exclaimed the bartender. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"




"Dunno...never found the head."

EASY ....... DIFFICULT

Easy is to get a place is someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.


Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes


Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue




Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...


Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness


Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...


Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...


Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...


Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...


Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...


Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...


Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...


Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...


Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...


Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...


Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.


Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...


Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...


Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give


Easy to read this
Difficult to follow


Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

What Every Mom's advice to her son ......... Check It ...

Every Mom’s advice to her son ………..










1960’s Mom to her son— beta, apne caste ki ladki


se hi shaadi karna






1970’s…………………….. Apne religion ki






1980’s ……………………. Apne level ki






1990’s ……………………. Apne desh ki






2000 ……………………. Apni umar ki


.


.


.


.






2009 AFTER WATCHING DOSTANA
……………………. Koi bhi ho,


Par Beta Ladki se hi karna….…..….. !!!


KYUNKI
MAA DA LADLA VIGARD GAYA

Upcoming Avatars in 2010 !!!!!

A Glass of Milk

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.


Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?"


You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."


He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."


As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.


Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.


Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.


Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.


Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.


He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.


After a long struggle, the battle was won.


Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words ...


"Paid in full with one glass of milk"


(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.




MORAL OF THE STORY: Be kind and helpful! You never know what your kindness and helping nature will get you back.

Funny ...lol

Boy and Tree

There was one time a very young boy, who used to spend time playing by a tree.


One day he got bored and he said to the tree, "I'm bored, I've played with these toys too many times!"


The tree replied, "OK, you can climb up on me and play on my branches."


The boy got really happy with this suggestion and he had a lot of fun playing and sitting high up, on the branches of the tree.


When he started school, he spent more time away from the tree, but one day he came back to it, and the tree was overjoyed to see its young companion, and it encouraged him to climb on, but he refused.


"My clothes are going to get dirty if I climb up on you."
So the tree thought for a while, and said, "OK, bring a rope and tie it to me, and you can use my branches as a swing."


The boy liked that idea, so he did that too, and would come back every other day to sit for a while on that swing.


Whenever he used to get hot, the tree told him to rest in its shade.


As he got older, and moved on to college, times became harder on him and he ran short of food, so he went back to the tree which he had stopped visiting for a long time.


The tree recognised him immediately and welcomed him, but he was hungry and complained to the tree, "I don't have any food to eat, my stomach is cringing with hunger."


So the tree said, "Pull down my branches and take off the fruit, and fill yourself up."


The young guy didn't even hesitate, but jumped up and tore off one of the smaller branches and ate to his fill.


Over the weeks, he tore off all the branches and ate all the fruit.


After the fruits had all gone, he went away and didn't come back to the tree.


When he reached his middle ages, he came back to the tree and said to it, "I have been very successful in life.


I have earned a lot of money, I have a huge house and I have found a great wife.


Now I want to travel and see the world."


The tree was now very old, but to help its long time companion, it didn't wait, and said, "Bring a saw, cut off my trunk and make a boat. Then you will see the wonders of the world."


So again, without hesitation the man cut down the tree.


The same tree which he had played on, ate its fruit, laid in its shade; he cut it down and made a boat.


As soon as it was finished, he sailed away and wasn't seen by his people again.


One day, an old man, walked past the tree.


It hadnt recovered from the time he had cut it down. He went up to the tree, but didn't say anything.


He felt the tears coming down from his eyes.


This time the tree spoke in a faint voice, "I'm sorry. I don't have a trunk for you to climb, nor fruit for you to eat, nor branches of shade for you to lie in. All I have now are my deep roots."


The old man whispered, "That's fine. Tree roots are the best place to lie down, snuggle up and sleep after a long life."


The tree symbolizes our parents, and the boy symbolizes us.


The moral of the story is that we make use of our parents like tissue, and use them all up, and don't even give thanks, but they stay with us till the very end.

Celebs Busted

Sardar Balle Balle

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an

Sardar are all walking together one day..

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', 

Says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm...  I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

POOF!  With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians

Can come into our precious land.'

POOF!  Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Sardar says, 'I am very curious.

Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries.  Nothing can get in or out;

 it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Sardar sits down on his Harley , cracks a beer, lights a cigarette,

Smiles and says,

 'Fill the fucker with water.' 

Sardar Balle Balle !!!

Keep laughing

 Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.
 

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............









You'll like this...............

























NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

Bike Accidents

For all you bikers out there
who love speed and want to do some insane stunts
just take a look how easily you can loose your life while doing all this
Please love yourself and more than that love them who loves you.

Compilation of Crash and Drifts

Here is a video which tell you that
if you try to do some insane Bike stunts
then what can be the results
PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

SERT Panda Car banned Ad

This is the best ad one can ever see
This was banned in few countries
and few countries were still showing this ad
Have a look at this ad.

Skeleton Out of ground Prank

While walking in a park
you are most relaxed
but what happens when you see something very unusual
A skeleton out coming out of a ground...

THE MAN WHO WILLED HIMSELF TO DIE

There was a man who worked for the railroad. One day as he went into the freezer compartment to do his routine work, the door accidentally closed and he found himself trapped in the compartment.


He shouted for help but no one heard him since it was past midnight. He tried to break down the door but he could not. As he lay in the freezer compartment, he began to feel colder, and colder. Then he began to feel weaker, and weaker, and he wrote on the wall of the compartment, “I am feeling colder, and colder; and I am getting weaker, and weaker. I am dying, and this may be my last words”.


In the morning when the other workers opened up the compartment they found him dead. The sad twist to the above story is that the freezing apparatus in the compartment had broke down a few days earlier.


The poor worker did not know about the damaged freezing apparatus and in his mind the freezing apparatus was working perfectly. He felt cold, got weaker and literally willed himself to die.


SUCCESS PRINCIPLES


Our sub-conscious mind can be cheated. The sub-conscious mind can only accept and act on information passed to it by the conscious mind. It has no capacity to reject or decline any instructions or
Information passed to it by the conscious mind. In the case of the poor worker, he consciously thought that he was getting colder, weaker and dying and the sub-conscious mind accepted the above instructions and affected his physical body. That was how he willed
Himself to die.


MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE


"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen."