How can we spot if our partners are having an affair? There are five tell-tale signs:
Conversation: Our partners may mention the name of a particular woman or man more often than usual, sometimes repeating what they have said. Their conversation may feel slightly different and they may suddenly entertain new ideas that seem to have appeared from nowhere. The man who suddenly declares that he's heard that Evening Primrose Oil is good for long life, and starts taking it, is a man to watch. A woman who's never been known to read more than a magazine but who suddenly starts trying to wade through Proust might also be the subject of slight suspicion.
Sexuality: It's not just people who go off sex altogether, claiming to have a headache or are too tired, who may be having an affair. Sometimes betrayers are so turned on sexually by their new lover that they start having more sex, rather than less, with the person back home.
General behaviour : They may become more secretive. They frequently claim to be exhausted or stressed, which usually means the betrayed feels inhibited about initiating a discussion about their suspicions - which is exactly what the person having the affair hopes to avoid. Guilt makes them bad-tempered or angry if anything intimate is mentioned. If you start questioning, they may well reply: `Get off my back. Of course, I'm not having an affair. How the hell would I have time?' An innocent person would probably take the time to reassure you lovingly.
Appearance : People who are having affairs usually start to look better, partly because they're paying more attention to their appearance by exercising or buying new clothes, but partly, too, because it's impossible to hide the happy flush of sexual and loving excitement that infuses them.
Your intuition: Perhaps the most tell-tale sign of your partner having an affair is your own intuition. Unless you have a long history of unfounded jealousy or paranoia, then you're almost certainly right. If your partner isn't having an affair, he or she is almost certainly thinking about it. We trust our intuition far too little these days.
In the past, there have been some rather pathetic claims about how affairs can have a beneficial effect on a marriage. Maybe a very few have that effect, because they force the unfaithful person to realise how much he or she has risked losing, but on the whole they're destructive. `While it's true that if you asked Joe Bloggs what he'd do, in theory, if his wife had an affair, he'd probably say he'd leave her, the reality is that more people stay together than split,' says Julia Cole. `The problem is that the breech of trust is incredibly difficult to repair. One young man said that when his wife had an affair it was as though a crystal vase had fallen from his grasp and he was now trying to fit all the shards back together again.'
Jan 31, 2012
Jan 30, 2012
Sex motivated by love most satisfying
Research has shown that both men and women are more satisfied when having sex out of love and commitment, rather than for material gain or to achieve success, Discovery News reported.
In this study, researchers used a sample of 544 sexually active male and female undergraduates, and found that there are slight differences in sexual satisfaction between men and women.
About 90 per cent of the respondents were heterosexual, and they answered survey questions on their sexual satisfaction and their motivations for having sex.
A diverse list of possible reasons for sex was listed, including aro*sal, expression, revenge, stress reduction, social status, self-esteem, org*sm, to burn calories, try out new techniques, love and commitment.
Love and commitment came out to be the strongest correlated motive to sexual satisfaction for both men and women, while having sex for self-esteem or for resources (for example, to get a job or to get drugs) was linked with lower satisfaction.
For women, having sex for pleasure and for expression were linked to higher sexual satisfaction, but having sex to seek a new experience was linked to lower sexual satisfaction.
The researchers report that since their sample was non-clinical, sexual satisfaction skewed higher than it would in a representative population.
The findings have been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior .
Image Source: Indiapicture
Jan 29, 2012
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