Today's Toons !

Chongo's View of Valentines !!

Posters ... Loose Strings, Marriage, McBlow Job,

Toilets From Around The World !

The number of 'toilets' has grown to 86 ....

You haven't missed any ... I jumped ahead a bit .... there are still 20 more from 56 to 76 to come later ...

                                                                     

THINK YOU ARE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...........

 

THINK YOU ARE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS     A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

 

Internet Explained

 

Internet Explained   How the Internet started:- A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM): Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story... In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?" And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP). But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted - for insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). And that is how it all began.       Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuly!

Education

 

A small boy says to his father "Dad, what's the difference between  'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His dad thinks and then says "Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid." The boy toddles off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds." "OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."  The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would too!" So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds." The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he would too!"   "Well there you have it, son," said his dad. Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we're living with two tarts and a poof."

 

__,_._,___