Motivational Posters 4
Aug 15, 2012
Things that make women feel guilty
Are you sick of reading about how an amazing lettuce-only diet will make you happier, or how decluttering your home could transform your sex life? You're not the only one. After all, you have enough to feel guilty about without worrying about your love handles or your kids' confidence. According to a recent study, 96 per cent of women feel guilty at least once a day. This can have a destructive effect on our health, even factoring in the onset of depression. Here's how to cancel guilt trips.
No time for kids
Since most mothers now go out to work, women are expected to balance a happy home life with the demands of a job. But a startling majority feels like they haven't got the balance right. If you're at work worrying about the children, work isn't getting the best out of you and the kids aren't getting anything. Anxiety is rehearsing for tomorrow and reliving the past — stay in the here and now. When you're at work, be 100 per cent at work and when you're with your children, be 100 per cent with them. That way everyone benefits. 2
Not losing extra kilos
Women are so demoralised from being bombarded with images of "perfect" models that their default mode for shape and size tends to be set at "dissatisfaction". More than 70 per cent report being on a diet at any one time, regardless of whether they are actually overweight or not. Choose to change your situation and make time to go to the gym. If you choose not to do that, then view the situation differently — recognise it is your choice and no one else is to blame. But don't stay in the same situation and view it with horror. That wastes energy.
Spulrging on yourself
Going on a shopping spree may be fun at the time, but the after effects can send some into a spiral of self-loathing and guilt. A survey found that 80 per cent of women felt bad about splashing their cash on themselves just hours after they had finished shopping; 10 per cent felt so crippled by remorse that they refused to disclose their purchases to their partner. But as long as it's not eating into important payments, then spending money on yourself is fair enough.
Women don't see making themselves feel better as a gain for everyone. But if you rationalise your reasons for spending money on a spa break because you need the downtime, then you have no reason to feel guilty.
Not making him happy
Like the balance needed to maintain a happy home and work life, there is often effort needed to keep a relationship on track. But if you're feeling stretched, your partner is likely to be the first to suffer from your lack of attention and this causes stress and guilt. If you feel guilty that you're not doing enough to make your loved one happy, sit down and look at your timetables and agree on how you to make more time for each other. Discuss it and come up with a change in your behaviours that will make you both happier.
Always late
Sometimes situations arise which make us late, no matter how prepared we are. Seeing time as a gift will enable you to make the best out of the situation and prevent panic. You can either be late and flustered or late and collected. Sitting on a train and getting aggravated is a waste of energy. It's not the end of the world; it's a problem to be solved. Stay in the here and now, and ask yourself how you can use the moment? Jot a list, or call your mother.
Imperfect hosting
Many women would like to host the perfect dinner party, but they often set high standards. The desire for social excellence derives from the need to be perfect all the time. Host your party and be a bad hostess. The moment you accept you can do it, but do it badly, it takes the pressure off. Women give themselves a lot of 'should, oughts and musts', but these don't exist — everyone has a different perception, so host a dinner, but do it your way.
Forgetting birthdays
Though men might forget a birthday and shrug it off, women are more likely to beat themselves up for days for such minor oversights. Go easy on yourself, but also, go easy on others who forget.
It's not deliberate. When people aren't putting you first, you must see it from their point of view and if we could be more generous then we wouldn't feel so guilty. If you feel guilty, tell yourself you know you're doing your best, apologise and make clear it wasn't deliberate. 8
Taking some 'me' time
Living up to the 'superwoman' image can lead to terrible feelings of guilt over getting your hair done. But doing nothing is very important in allowing women to physically and mentally recharge. But it is very difficult to allow yourself to do it. Tell people the truth. That you need a break because you are at your limit — then accept that the world will not fall apart without you. 9
Letting your folks down
Women can inherit guilt through generations — of not doing enough for their elders, not doing it right or 'failing' their parents. Learn to accept that your parents will love and judge you no matter what. Do try and be sensitive but if you go your own way and you are successful and happy, then if they are decent human beings, they'll be happy for you. 10
Saying 'no'
Saying 'no' is hard because women don't want to be seen as the baddie and because they are taught to put others first. Give yourself time to think about each request, so have ready a stalling tactic. If you really don't want to do what they ask, give options to help solve their problem — brainstorm alternatives.
However, if you've explained why you can't do something and they can't see it from your point of view, then accept that they're being unreasonably selfish and taking advantage of your goodwill.
- Mumbai Mirror
Why women are seen as sexual objects
When casting our eyes upon an object, our brains either perceive it in its entirety or as a collection of its parts.
The new study suggested that these two distinct cognitive processes also are in play with our basic physical perceptions of men and women - and, importantly, provides clues as to why women are often the targets of sexual objectification.
The research found in a series of experiments that participants processed images of men and women in very different ways. When presented with images of men, perceivers tended to rely more on "global" cognitive processing, the mental method in which a person is perceived as a whole. Meanwhile, images of women were more often the subject of "local" cognitive processing, or the objectifying perception of something as an assemblage of its various parts.
The study is the first to link such cognitive processes to objectification theory, said Sarah Gervais, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and the study's lead author.
"Local processing underlies the way we think about objects: houses, cars and so on. But global processing should prevent us from that when it comes to people," Gervais said.
"We don't break people down to their parts - except when it comes to women, which is really striking. Women were perceived in the same ways that objects are viewed," she explained.
In the study, participants were randomly presented with dozens of images of fully clothed, average-looking men and women. Each person was shown from head to knee, standing, with eyes focused on the camera.
After a brief pause, participants then saw two new images on their screen: One was unmodified and contained the original image, while the other was a slightly modified version of the original image that comprised a sexual body part. Participants then quickly indicated which of the two images they had previously seen.
The results were consistent: Women's sexual body parts were more easily recognized when presented in isolation than when they were presented in the context of their entire bodies. But men's sexual body parts were recognized better when presented in the context of their entire bodies than they were in isolation.
"We can't just pin this on the men. Women are perceiving women this way, too," Gervais said.
"It could be related to different motives. Men might be doing it because they're interested in potential mates, while women may do it as more of a comparison with themselves. But what we do know is that they're both doing it," she noted.
Would there be an antidote to a perceiver's basic cognitive processes that lead women to be reduced and objectified? Researchers said some of the study's results suggested so. When the experiment was adjusted to create a condition where it was easier for participants to employ "global" processing, the sexual body part recognition bias appeared to be alleviated. Women were more easily recognizable in the context of their whole bodies instead of their various sexual body parts.
Because the research presents the first direct evidence of the basic "global" vs. "local" framework, the authors said it could provide a theoretical path forward for more specific objectification work.
"Our findings suggest people fundamentally process women and men differently, but we are also showing that a very simple manipulation counteracts this effect, and perceivers can be prompted to see women globally, just as they do men," Gervais said.
The study has been published in the European Journal of Social Psychology.
Women who flirt get better deal
Results from the first academic study of the technique shows that it can increase success rates in negotiations with both men and women by as much as a third.
Effective feminine charm combines flirtation with friendliness and women who get it right can get around 20 percent off the price of a car, according to the study.
But getting the right balance between flirting and being friendly is vital, because women who are too straightforwardly friendly lose out, according to Laura Kray who led the study.
Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, and the London School of Economics, carried out four separate experiments to investigate female charm, the newspaper added.
They say that, while there is a commonly held assumption that feminine charm boosts a woman's effectiveness in negotiations, it has not until now been investigated by researchers.
You HAVE to take time out for sex
Here are some ways you and your spouse can make time for love:
Be romantic
Bring back that loving feeling by focusing on romance. Go out to a new restaurant, do something nice for each other and make sure your time together is just about the two of you. Devote one night to your spouse and the next to the other. Talk during the day about your plans for that evening, have a conversation about what you would like from your lover, add a romantic meal, start early in the night before you are tired and disallow TV or computer in the bedroom.
Schedule it
One of the best ways to ensure you make time for sex is to schedule it. Set specific time aside for intimacy and let nothing remove it from the schedule. It might not seem that interesting and romantic, but it works. Unfortunately there are times when you can't be spontaneous so you have to put important things like this on a schedule.
Communicate your likes and dislikes
Like creating anticipation, talking about sex can also boost interest in spending more time in the bedroom. "Have a talk with your partner about what you would like in the bedroom. Sure it can be awkward, but sometimes you have to get over these hurdles to get things on track. Take turns discussing what you would like to see happen and what you want to try. The more honest you are, the easier it will be to start putting your sex life first.
Create anticipation
There's no better way to get sex back onto your radar than to create some excitement around it. Devote separate nights to focusing on a different partner's needs and then talk to each other during the day about your plans for the other. But be careful. The rule is - it should be romantic. The more you look forward to sex, the more likely you are to want to make intimacy a priority.
Just do it!
It might sound bold, but why not initiate things yourself to get the ball rolling? Do not wait for your partner to start things. It can lead to night after night of nothing. If your partner rejects your advances, discuss it with your partner. Also, if there is a lack of desire in either of you, visit a relationship expert for counselling.
Images: Thinkstock photos/Getty Images
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