UPS MAN

One Monday morning the UPS guy is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles..

"Wow, Bob", looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night, the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that's when we started playing  "WHO AM I."

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play  "WHO AM I?"

"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet then the women try to guess who it is."

The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up seven times."

Reason’s Not to take Vodafone’s Connection

Medical Bed Prank

Helping others is not so easy
infact, if something may go wrong
then you are the one who will be caught
Same happened here as well. Just to funny...

"my wife's expecting."

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."




"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."




The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."




The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off."




When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.




"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."




"What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.




"Me." said the soldier simply.

Engagement Ring

Nowadays, the engagement ring is a staple in our Western culture. It's taken for granted that if you want to tie the knot, you'll need a ring to show you're serious about a girl. Everyday guys come in our store needing to find the perfect ring, but few know why or how a ring has become the symbol of love. I'll expound on the history a bit so you can not only be a knight in shining armor, but also an educated knight in shining armor.




The ancient Egyptians were the first civilization to use the circle as a symbol of the union between a man and a woman. The very nature of a circle, without a beginning or an end, represents the eternity of love.


The Egyptians formed the first rings from bone or simple metals.


The ancient Greeks had a different angle on the ring. For them, the ring was a symbol of betrothal, a promise to one day become engaged.


Across many cultures, there's evidence that a gold ring emerged as the traditional gift of choice for a man to give the family of his future bride.




If you're wondering when diamonds entered the engagement process, tradition has it that the first diamond engagement ring was given in 1477 to Mary of Burgundy by Archduke Maximillian of Hamburg. Because diamond is the hardest and strongest mineral on earth, it was seen to resist breakage, and thus symbolize the unbending union of a man and woman in wedlock.


So it became increasingly popular for the European super wealthy and royalty to give a diamond engagement ring at this time.




Less wealthy citizens would have given a Fede (faith) ring in the form of two clasped hands more akin to the more modern claddagh (clasped hands) engagement rings.


And why do we wear the ring on the left hand? Tradition states that a vein called the vena amoris runs directly to the heart from the third finger of the left hand.




Fashion must have moved slowly then, because it was almost another 300 years until the development of the wedding band. In 1761, Queen Charlotte was the first documented bride to wear a wedding band to "guard her engagement ring". It seems to be a nice present from her forward-thinking man, King George III. If only he knew the implications of that gift

You Are Wonderful

The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales werebooming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.


The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment.


The crowd groaned in disappointmentand failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.


The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished,there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Daddy, I think you are wonderful! The crowd broke into thunderous applause.


We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful.


And at times others are expecting this from you.


Are you telling them how wonderful you are . . .??????????


Say it now and make someone's day more pleasant.

A SMALL PACKET ?

WHEN THE BOY WAS RETURNING AFTER HIS MARRIAGE…HE FOUND HIS WIFE HOLDING A SMALL PACKET..


THE BOY ASKED……..WHATS THERE IN THAT PACKET..


WIFE REPLIED…..DARLING THIS IS THE SECRET OF MY LIFE...PLS NEVER OPEN IT OR ASK ME ABOUT IT FURTHER….OTHERWISE OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE IN TROUBLE....


THE COUPLE SPENT THEIR DAYS HAPPILY……BUT THE BOY WAS VERY KEEN TO KNOW WHAT WAS THERE IN THAT SMALL PACKET……




AFTER SOME DAYS THE BOY AGAIN TOLD……DARLING AFTER MARRYING YOU , I GOT THE WOMAN OF MY DREAM…BUT TELL ME WHAT THAT PACKET IS…….IT WLL NEVER AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP…..AS I LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE………………..BUT WIFE ONLY TOLD THAT I ALSO LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE….THATS WHY TELLING U NOT TO ASK ABOUT THAT……….


AFTER SOME DAYS WIFE WENT TO HER OWN HOUSE AND FORGOT TO TAKE HER PACKET………THEN THE BOY COULDN'T CONTROL HIMSELF….AND OPENED THAT PACKET…………




HE WAS SHOCKED TO OPEN THAT……..THERE WAS 30 RUPEES……AND 2 WHEAT GRAINS….IN THAT PACKET……THE BOY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS…AND HOW IT COULD AFFECT THEIR MARRIAGE LIFE……


THEN WHEN HIS WIFE RETURNED …..HE BURST INTO LAUGHTER…..AND TOLD …DARLING WHAT IS THIS……AND HOW IT COULD HAVE AFFECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP……..WHATEVER MAY BE……U HAVE TO TELL ME ABOUT THE SECRET…….




THE THE WIFE REPLIED…………


THAT'S NOT GOOD……………….ANY WAY…….IF U HAVE ALREADY FINALISED TO KNOW THE SECRET …..HERE IT…………


BEFORE MARRIAGE ..EACH TIME I HAD SEX WITH ANY GUY…I PUT A WHEAT GRAIN IN THAT PACKET TO REALISE THAT I HAVE DONE A MISTAKE……


THE BOY SAW THOSE TWO WHEAT GRAINS….AND AFTER WAITING FOR TWO MINUTES TOLD…..……….. ITS OK……EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKE …….


I STILL LOVE U BECAUSE U TOLD ME THE TRUTH…….. BUT WHAT IS THAT 30 RUPEES………… THE WIFE REPLIED…..THE BOY FAINTED…………


THE WIFE SAID……I HAVE SOLD 6 KG WHEAT AT A RATE RS 5 PER KG……………..!!!

Anti Smoking

Country doctors ( Hot Joke )

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sickto my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on thefloor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

Worlds most amazing basketball shot

This is definitely the worlds most amazing basketball Shot
From one end to another...
Look at the players celebrating... Truly boys ;)

Funny Spiderman remake

Funny Spiderman remake with another superhero
The flaws which everybody could see in the movie
are taken care of here
Watch this funny short movie :)

PJ Sms's

Ek Larki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga
Doosri Larki Ko Dekha To Vaisa Laga
Jab Dono Ne Joote Maarey...To Ek Jaisa Laga!!!

********************

Zamane ke dar se
teri tasweer toilet mein chupa rakhi hai!
dedar ho tera bar bar
isliye julab ki goli kha rakhi hai

********************

Woh Larki Kitni Pyaari Thi,
Jis Ko Aankh Maari Thi
Woh Sendal Kitni Bhaari Thi,
Jo Us Ney Sar Per Maari Thi

********************

1 barsat ki raat
-ek bhigi ladki,
-bhiga badan,
-bhigi zulfe,
-bhige hoth,
-Hum dono ki nazare mili,
-use dekhke aisa laga ki
.
.
.
Kal use 100 % sardi hogi!

********************

Pyar karnevale
PARESAN ho jate he
Shadi karnevale
SHARABI ho jate he,
Divorce denevale
DEVDAS ho jate he,
Ham se Dosti karnevale
MSG SE MEHARBAN ho jate he

********************

Ek yug the jab log apne
ghar ke dwar par
likhte the "Atithi Devo Bhav".
Phir likhne lage "Shubh Labh"
Phir "U R WELCOME"
Aur ab likthe hain
"Kutton Se Saawdhaan"!

********************

Khat likh raha hoon khoon se,
syahi mat samajhna.
Khat likh raha hoon khoon se
syahi mat samajhna.
Kisi mariz ka sample liya tha,
mera mat samajhna.

********************

D 1 who smokes,get a smoky heart.
D 1 who drinks,get an alcoholic heart.
So dear u must stop eating sweets,
as u r already a sweet heart.

********************

wo shayad ab bhi hame chahte hain,
tabhi to hame dekhkar yun muskurate hain.
Ye to uske bacchhe hi kameene hain,
jo hame MAMA-MAMA bulate hain!

********************

Shehar ki gali
mein paan ki dukaan.
Devdas ne dekhi
paro ki muskaan.
Devdas ne khilaya
Paro ko paan.
Khake paan Paro boli
"Shukriya Bhai Jaan".

********************

I just met some1 in Cafe Coffee Day.
Real good looking,
dead smart,So delightful.
More like a celebrity.
As I walked nearer,
DAMN SAINT GOBAIN mirror.
It was me!!

********************

Maine tujhe dekha,
Dekhta raha,
Dekhta Raha
Dekhta hi gaya ,
Phir mujhe chashma lag gaya

********************

Q.Why doesnt a donkey eat grass??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?

?
?
?
?
?
?
A.Anyways...its ur personal matter
& I should not interfere in it.

********************

Friendship is like FEVICOL - toote nahin
Love is like cold drink -Ye Dil Maange More
Girlfriend is like detergent - Pehle istemal
karo phir vishwaas karo.

********************

D professor of a business school asks,
"What is d most important source of
finance for starting business?"
A student replies,"Father-in-law"

********************

A Man's Complaint About His Wife

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through --


So he prayed:


"Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!"


God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.


The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01 P.M.


And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids
And got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies
And got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
And watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes
And washing vegetables for salad,
Breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.


After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .


He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
He went to bed where he was expected to make love,
Which he managed to get through without complaint.


The next morning,
He awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'


The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
But You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'


Man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through --


So he prayed:


"Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!"


God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.


The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01 P.M.


And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids
And got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies
And got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
And watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes
And washing vegetables for salad,
Breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.


After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .


He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
He went to bed where he was expected to make love,
Which he managed to get through without complaint.


The next morning,
He awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'


The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
But You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'

computer whizz kid!!!!

 I was having trouble with my computer.

So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control 

and asked him to come over.

 Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. 


As he was walking away, I called after him, 

'So, whatwas wrong?  He replied, 

'It was an ID ten T error.' 

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 

'An, ID ten T error? What's that? 

In case I need tofix it again.'

 Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T

error before? 

'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think

you'll figure it out.' 

 So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T 

  

I
 used to like Eric, The little bastard ....

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Amusing

The Ultimate Internet Mind Virus

I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from 
having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So 
anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his 
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got 
out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw 
a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use 
his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a 
virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened 
an email entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer 
who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 
2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which 
all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman-Marcus 
cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates (It's true--I read it 
all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also 
promising me a free Disneyworld Vacation and $5,000 if I would forward 
the email to everyone I know).

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his 
missing kidney, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed 
with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said 
"Welcome to the world of AIDS."

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital--the very one where 
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is 
for everyone in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer 
Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every email he receives. I 
sent him two emails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the 
shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you 
will have good luck but ten people only will give you OK luck and if 
you send it to less than ten people you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN 
YEARS!)

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on 
the way he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To 
be helpful, he flashed his lights and was promptly shot as part of a 
gang initiation.

And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.

(author unknown)

SEAT BELT THAT CAN REDUCE ACCIDENTS

Munna Munni (ADULT DESI)

MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo,
Jab Hum-Tum saath Nahate thhe.
Tum Choot pe Saabun malti thhi,
Hum Lund pe Jhaag udaate thhe.

MUNNI:
Munna woh din beet gaye,
Ab Choot chhupane ki hai baari,
Bhoolo un beeti Yaadon ko,
Munni Bharat ki ab hai Naari.

MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo..
Jab Hum Doctor-Mareez ban jaate thhe.
Dil ki dhadkan check karne ko,
Choochi pe ragad lagaate thhe.

MUNNI:
Munna who din beet gaye,
Ab choochi choli ke andar hai.
Ghoor-Ghoor ke dekh tu Mammey,
Ab Tu bhookha Bandar hai.

MUNNA:
Munni who din yaad karo….
Jab Hum-Tum saath mein Sote thhe,
Tum Choot mein Kheti karti thhi,
Hum Lund pe ganne bote thhe.

MUNNI:
Munna woh din beet gaye,
Jab Choot mein hoti thhi Kheti.
Ab Lund ki faslo ke darr se,
Meri Choot akeyli hai Soti.

MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo...
Jab luka-chhipi khelte thhe Hum.
Tum Lahanga pahan ke aati thhi,
Aur usme chhup jaate thhe Hum.

MUNNI:
Munna woh din beet gaye...
Jab ghus gaye thhe tum Lahange mein.
Ab tum poorey Bhaaloo ho,
Aur Shahad ka chhatta Lagange mein.

MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo...
Jab Saath mein khele thhe Holi.
Choot mein ungli daali humne,
Bhigaa ke teri wo choli.

MUNNI:
Munna wo din beet gaye...
Ab choot humaari pyaari hai.
Kyon Holi ki baatein ab jab,
Lauda tera bhikhaari hai.

MUNNA (Rote Hue!):
Munni woh din beet gaye
Sachmuch hee woh din beet gaye.
Ab Choot ki Darshan ki khatir,
Hum Choot-Chalisa padhte hain.
Par Choot naheen Darshan deti,
Hum Lund ragadte rahte hain.
Par waqt Humaara aayega,
Jab hum bhi tum ko chodenge.
Tum lund-lund chillaogi,
Hum choot mein Danda pelenge.
Munni Munne ko kam na samajh,
Yeh teri maiyya chodega.
Tu pair pakad kar royegi
Teri choot mein bamboo thokegaa.
Munna bhi hai Bharat ka,
Tujhko Nanga kar dega.
Tu lakh jod lena tango ko,
Teri choot ko choosega.
Tujhko poora geela karke,
Munna lund andar ghusaayega.
Choosega tere honthon ko,
Choochi teri chabaayega.
Tu cheekhegi, chillayegi par,
Koi naheen bachaayega.
Ragad Ragad ke Munna lega,
Apni tujhe banaayega.

I am a Father

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. " The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. " The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

Hindi NonVeg

Really Ugly!

A lady was walking down the street to work, and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.

The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

Well, as you can imagine, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot, and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day the same parrot again said to her, "WOW lady, you are still really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird if the manager didn't take care of this problem.

The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She stopped and said, "Yes?"

The bird paused, then said, "You know."  

diary of teh cruise

*THE CRUISE*

*DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE*

All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up.

Really excited.

*DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO*

Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins.

Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man.

*DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE*

At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the
deck.

Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.

Felt honoured and had a wonderful time.

He is very attractive and attentive.

*DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR*

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino.

Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.

Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne.

He asked me to stay the night but I declined.

Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

*DEAR DIARY. DAY FIVE Pool* again today, got sunburned. Went inside to
drink at piano bar for rest of day.

Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.

Really is charming.

Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night.

Again I declined.

He told me if I didn't let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship.

I was shocked.

*DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX*

Saved 1,600 lives today. Twice.

-----
"We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life."
- William Osler

"If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." -
Abraham Maslow

"Tough times never last, but tough people do." - Robert H. Schuller

Every saint has a past.
Every sinner has a future.

Fight with wifes begins

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.

Why God Give Pain ...

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...


A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because
if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."