Mar 25, 2011
AN AGING PROSTITUTE
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ROUGH SEX FACTS
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A Gamble called Marriage
“Marriages”, they say,” are made in Heaven”. That is probably why; they are
never down to earth. Just see, what an extravaganza we make out of a marriage:
glittering jewellery, gorgeous silk sarees, flashing video lights, bouquets and
buffets and what not.
In spite of the entire circus, one is still not sure of the success or
otherwise
of a marriage. From that perspective, matrimony resembles the stock market
gamble. If you are lucky, you will win a lottery; or else, you will be doomed
for the rest of your life!
This risk puts one in an awful dilemma - to wed or not to. Adding to one’s
confusion, some people offer this ‘sincere’ advice: “FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, DON’T
MARRY!” One just cannot ignore this because it mostly comes from some married
people. After all, they are experienced and they know better.
Who is more at risk in matrimony, the boy or the girl? It is a debatable
question. Going by what Benjamin Disraeli said, “Every women should marry---and
no man!” more than the fair sex, the male counterpart appears to be the
worst-affected by matrimony. However, you may see this is a man’s view point.
Others put it in a different way: “Getting married? By all means go ahead. If
you get a good wife, you will enjoy a happy life. Otherwise, the world
will have
a good philosopher. But the man’s world is very unfair to the fair sex
in saying
this.
Anyway, if everyone had taken them seriously, it would have been the beginning
of the end of human race. After all, nobody learns lessons form others’
mistakes. And the writer is no exception!
Having decided to take the matrimonial plunge, it was perfectly in
order to look
into the ‘matchmakers’ column of newspapers. Browsing through the cluster of
ads, one is awestruck by their bewildering varieties. They offer every type of
boy and girl under the Sun. And those tricky terms… ‘broad-minded’,
’accomplished’, ’wheatish complexion’,’ domestically trained…(animal?), a
profile which any boy or girl would start fantasising about the life-partner.
One ad says ‘mother not alive’, probably the USP is to attract those
poor people
who are wary of the mother-in-law! Responding to such ads looks like
shooting in
the dark. You don’t know whom they’re aimed at. It reminds us of the
practice in
some societies of traditional India and China where the bride and groom are not
allowed to see each other until they are brought together for the wedding
ceremony. Oh…what a suspense!
The world population statistics say that there are a less number of women than
men in many societies. That makes hunting for a wife as the next project for a
boy after hunting for a job. Who knows the world may come to a full circle. And
as happened in the good old days, ‘Swayamwarams’ may become a reality
in future,
where a girl can choose from a number of eligible bachelors who will stand in
queue to get hand-picked.
The remaining ‘rejected’ ones from the marriage mela need not worry. They will
have the freedom in the morning to get up from both the sides of their beds!
How to catch a lion?
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
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Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
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Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
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Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
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Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
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Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
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Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
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Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
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Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
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Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!
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Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
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George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
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Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders
Job in a Post Office
Gopal goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes - coffee."
"Have you ever been in the military service?
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"
Gopal says,"Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow from 10:00AM every day."
Gopal is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why do you want me to start here from10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the inter-viewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes - coffee."
"Have you ever been in the military service?
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"
Gopal says,"Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow from 10:00AM every day."
Gopal is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why do you want me to start here from10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the inter-viewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point you coming in for that."
Punjabi Bra
A man walked into the women's department of Shoppers Stop in Bombay City. He found a saleslady, and told her, 'I would like a Punjabi bra For my wife, size 34 B.'
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, 'What kind of bra?'
He repeated 'A Punjabi bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Punjabi bra, and that you would know what she means.'
'Ah, now I remember,' said the saleslady. 'We don't get as many Requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Jain bra, or the Parsi bra.'
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked, 'So, what are the Differences? '
Thesaleslady responded. 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic Bra supports the masses. The Jain bra lifts up the fallen and Downtrodden, and the Parsi bra keeps one staunch and upright.'
He mused on that information for a minute, and asked, 'So, what does The Punjabi bra do?'
The Punjabi bra,' she replied, 'makes mountains out of molehills.'
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, 'What kind of bra?'
He repeated 'A Punjabi bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Punjabi bra, and that you would know what she means.'
'Ah, now I remember,' said the saleslady. 'We don't get as many Requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Jain bra, or the Parsi bra.'
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked, 'So, what are the Differences? '
Thesaleslady responded. 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic Bra supports the masses. The Jain bra lifts up the fallen and Downtrodden, and the Parsi bra keeps one staunch and upright.'
He mused on that information for a minute, and asked, 'So, what does The Punjabi bra do?'
The Punjabi bra,' she replied, 'makes mountains out of molehills.'
First Time Sex
FIRST TIME SEX
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
Knowledge is Power
During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:
Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.
This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy who's screwing your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this.
Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.
This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy who's screwing your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this.
JABU
Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.
Jabu's answer was: "Our house is very small miss.
Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?
Then I say 'no' and then he hits me & gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.
But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again.
"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are you sleeping?...
and I
shut up and kept dead still.
Then my father and my mother started doing... 'IT' on the bed.
Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' then my mom says,
'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered . 'Yes'.
Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and said 'wait for me,
I'm also coming, let me just put on my shoes!'
THAT'S WHEN I WAS HAMMERED!!!"
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.
Jabu's answer was: "Our house is very small miss.
Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?
Then I say 'no' and then he hits me & gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.
But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again.
"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are you sleeping?...
and I
shut up and kept dead still.
Then my father and my mother started doing... 'IT' on the bed.
Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' then my mom says,
'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered . 'Yes'.
Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and said 'wait for me,
I'm also coming, let me just put on my shoes!'
THAT'S WHEN I WAS HAMMERED!!!"
I.D. the Dead Body
Old Gomer died in a house fire and was burned pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body so his two friends Bubba and Billy Bob went down to try and I.D. the body.
Bubba went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and Bubba said "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him on over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Bubba looked at his @$$ and said "Naw, that ain't Old Gomer!"
The morticain didn't say any thing but thought that was kind of strange.
Then he brought in Billy Bob to I.D. the body and Billy Bob looked at him and said "Yep, he sure is burnt really bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Billy Bob looked down at his @$$ and said "Nope. That sure ain't Old Gomer!"
The mortician said "How can you tell?"
Billy Bob said "Well Old Gomer had two @$$holes."
"What? he had two @$$holes?" said the mortician.
"Yep, everyone in town knew he had two @$$holes. Every time the three of us went to town everyone would say "Here comes Old Gomer with the two @$$holes!"
Bubba went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and Bubba said "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him on over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Bubba looked at his @$$ and said "Naw, that ain't Old Gomer!"
The morticain didn't say any thing but thought that was kind of strange.
Then he brought in Billy Bob to I.D. the body and Billy Bob looked at him and said "Yep, he sure is burnt really bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Billy Bob looked down at his @$$ and said "Nope. That sure ain't Old Gomer!"
The mortician said "How can you tell?"
Billy Bob said "Well Old Gomer had two @$$holes."
"What? he had two @$$holes?" said the mortician.
"Yep, everyone in town knew he had two @$$holes. Every time the three of us went to town everyone would say "Here comes Old Gomer with the two @$$holes!"
10 Top Websites Blocked in CHINA
| Listed below are 10 most popular websites blocked in China |
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| 1) Facebook |
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| Facebook is a social networking service and website launched in February 2004, operated and privately owned by Facebook, Inc. As of January 2011, Facebook has more than 600 million active users. Users may create a personal profile, add other users as friends, and exchange messages, including automatic notifications when they update their profile. Additionally, users may join common interest user groups, organized by workplace, school or college, or other characteristics. |
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| 2) Twitter |
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| Twitter is a website, owned and operated by Twitter Inc., which offers a social networking and microblogging service, enabling its users to send and read messages called tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters displayed on the user's profile page. Tweets are publicly visible by default; however, senders can restrict message delivery to just their followers. Users may subscribe to other users' tweets � this is known as following and subscribers are known as followers or tweeps |
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| 3) Youtube |
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| YouTube is a video-sharing website on which users can upload, share, and view videos, created by three former PayPal employees in February 2005. The company is based in San Bruno, California, and uses Adobe Flash Video technology to display a wide variety of user-generated video content, including movie clips, TV clips, and music videos, as well as amateur content such as video blogging and short original videos. Most of the content on YouTube has been uploaded by individuals, although media corporations including CBS, BBC, Vevo, Hulu and other organizations offer some of their material via the site, as part of the YouTube partnership program |
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| 4) Blogger |
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| Blogger is a blog-publishing service that allows private or multi-user blogs with time-stamped entries. It was created by Pyra Labs, which was bought by Google in 2003. Generally, the blogs are hosted by Google at subdomain of blogspot.com. Up until May 1, 2010 Blogger allowed users to publish blogs on other hosts, via FTP. All such blogs had (or still have) to be moved to Google's own servers, with domains other than blogspot.com allowed via Custom URLs. |
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| 5) Technorati |
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| Technorati is an Internet search engine for searching blogs. By June 2008, Technorati was indexing 112.8 million blogs and over 250 million pieces of tagged social media. The name Technorati is a blend of the words technology and literati, which invokes the notion of technological intelligence or intellectualism. |
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| 6) DailyMotion |
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| Dailymotion is a video sharing service website, headquartered in the 18th arrondissement, Paris, France.According to Comscore, Dailymotion is the largest video site in the world after YouTube. |
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| 7) Picasa |
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| Picasa is an image organizer and image viewer for organizing and editing digital photos, plus an integrated photo-sharing website, originally created by Idealab in 2002 and owned by Google since 2004. "Picasa" is a blend of the name of famed Spanish painter Pablo Picasso, the phrase mi casa for "my house", and "pic" for pictures (personalized art).In July 2004, Google acquired Picasa and began offering it as a free download. |
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| 8) Plurk |
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| Plurk is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows users to send updates (otherwise known as plurks) through short messages or links, which can be up to 140 text characters in length. |
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| 9) Hellotxt |
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| Hellotxt is a free tool to aid you in the communication and digestion of all your social information. Making an update via Hellotxt posts text and media to separate accounts on multiple social networks, publishing platforms, and micro-communication services. Updates can be made from the web, or by your mobile. Hellotxt works with the world�s most popular social networking and web 2.0 sites, including Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Hi5, Bebo, MySpace, Blogger, and WordPress. |
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| 10) Dropbox |
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| Dropbox is a Web-based file hosting service operated by Dropbox, Inc. that uses cloud computing to enable users to store and share files and folders with others across the Internet using file synchronization. It was founded in 2007 by Drew Houston and Arash Ferdowsi as a Y Combinator startup. |
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