"DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Dad, what are you doing?"   A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents' room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing?" "It's ok," his father replied. "Your mother wants a baby, that's all." The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing now?" "Son, there's been a change of plan," his father replied. "Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW."   XXXXX   What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South? A homo-sex-y'all.   The dumbest part of a mans body is his penis..... It hangs out with a couple of nuts, lives next door to an asshole and his best friend is a pussy!   How do you recycle toilet paper? Hang it on the wall and bash the shit out of it. What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.   Why did the blonde pee on the floor? Because the sign said "wet floor." How does a blonde moonwalk? She pulls down her panties and slides her butt along the floor.   XXXXX   A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while." Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."

THE HOLY ALPHABET

 

THE HOLY ALPHABET

A-lthough things are not perfect 
B-ecause of trial or pain 
C-ontinue in thanksgiving 
D-o not begin to blame 
E-ven when the times are hard 
F-ierce winds are bound to blow 
G-od is forever able 
H-old on to what you know 
I-magine life without His love 
J-oy would cease to be 
K-eep thaking Him for all the things 
L-oveimparts to thee 
M-ove out of "Camp Complaining" 
N-o weapon that is known 
O-n earth can yield the power 
P-rase can do alone 
Q-uit looking at the future 
R-edeem the time at hand 
S-tart every day with workship 
T-o thank is a command 
U-ntil we see Him coming 
V-ictorious in the sky 
W-ell run the race with gratitude 
eX-alting God most high 
Y-es there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but.... 
Z-ion waits in glory ...where none are ever sad! 
>>>>>>>>MESSAGE FOR THE SOUL<<<<<<<<<<<<

Handy Little Chart - God Has Positive Answers

 

Handy Little Chart - God Has Positive Answers

Handy Little Chart - God Has Positive Answers
YOU SAY	GOD SAYS	BIBLE VERSES
You say: 'It's impossible'	God says:  All things are possible	( Luke 18:27)
You say: 'I'm too tired'	God says: I will give you rest	( Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: 'Nobody really loves me'	God says: I love you	( John 3:16 & John 3:34 )
You say: 'I can't go on'	God says: My grace is sufficient	(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say:  'I can't figure things out'	God says: I will direct your steps	(Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: 'I can't do it'	God says: You can do all things	( Philippians 4:13)
You say: 'I'm not able'	God says: I am able	(II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: 'It's not worth it'	God says: It will be worth it	(Roman 8:28 )
You say: 'I can't forgive myself'	God says: I Forgive you	(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: 'I can't manage'	God says: I will supply all your needs	( Philippians 4:19)
You say: 'I'm afraid'	God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear	( II Timothy 1:7)
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'	God says: Cast all your cares on ME	(I Peter 5:7)
You say: 'I'm not smart enough'	God says: I give you wisdom	(I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: 'I feel all alone'	God says: I will never leave you or forsake you	(Hebrews 13:5)

ACCEPTABLE AND UNACCEPTABLE

ACCEPTABLE AND UNACCEPTABLE

 
A young Mexican maid approached boss wife of the bungalow and
demanded for a pay raise.

The boss wife got annoyed, upset and asked:
"Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well Senora, there are three reasons why me demand my pay raise.
Firstly, me iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so, ma'am."
Wife: "Oh, he did."

Maria: "Secondly me a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Your husband did ma'am."
Wife: "Oh, he did."

Maria: "And thirdly me a better lover than you."
Wife furious as hell yelled: "And did my husband say that to you too ya?"
Maria: "No Senora, your gardener did."

Wife calmed down and sweetly: OK Maria you have your raise, Mexican gardener will get his.You and I are good friends now.

Top Less Girl

Top Les Girl.....Too Hot.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Scroll Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don't be hurry ....slow down... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Here She comes..... Enjoy . . . . .

Cricket Ode To Women

Cricket Ode To Women Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me, Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. Randier than a sailor who's been six months at sea, Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee. First let's take the paceman, pure speed from first to last! My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast. Then there's the medium pacer, his balls swing either way; He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day! And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap. If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap! Then there's the wily 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength; He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length. So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree. Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease! He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease. The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes. When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes.. And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two; When he arrives at the crease then only fours will do. Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about; And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out! Be weary of the tail ender, for he will swing his bat, Will miss & nick a thick edge, down the gully, between the two fine legs. We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock, He doesn't mind if he's last man in, as long as he gets a good knock. So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me: Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he's full of flair and dash; And if you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash. If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score; Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before! The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke, He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke. Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup; You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his finger up! So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me: !!!! NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE !!!!!

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Safe Sex Campaign

Safe Sex Campaign Derek Bowers is an graphic designer from Glasgow, United Kingdom. Bowers created a series of advertisements for a government campaign to promote safe sex, linking the alarming rise in sexually transmitted infection cases in the UK with alcohol. He used doctored liquor bottles to illustrate the connection between a night of drinking and sexually transmitted diseases. In the first image, for example, a bottle of Smirnoff becomes Chlamydia; in another, a bottle of Jack Daniels becomes Pubic Lice.

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The Doctor

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Milk Shake

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How to Stop Cough

HOW TO STOP COUGH IN 5 MINUTES ..!   We have all been kept awake by our own or someone else's cough. Try this and pass it on. The tip and not the cough.   ANYTHING is better than antibiotics. Even babies could benefit from this and the parents wouldn't worry about the safety of their child. And of course, it is harmless and free from any type of side-effects.   READ IT ALL.   It works 100 percent of the time, although the scientists at the Canada Research council (who discovered it) aren't sure why.   Treatment: To stop night time coughing in a child (or an adult, as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapor Rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime and then cover with socks.    Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about five minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief.   This works 100 percent of the time, and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.   I heard the head of the Canada Research Council describe these findings on the part of their scientists when they were investigating the effectiveness and usage of prescription cough medicines in children, as compared to alternative therapies like acupressure.   I just happened to tune in to a.m. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs, so I listened.   It was a surprising finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, and in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.   My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago, and it worked 100 percent! She said it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her. The coughing stopped in a few minutes, and believe me this was deep (incredibly annoying!) every few seconds, uncontrollable cough and she slept cough-free for hours every night she used it.   If you have children or grandchildren, pass it on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed.