1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! 2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? 3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 4. I d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks? 5. At least there's one thing good about your body.It isn't as ugly as your face! 6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing. 7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head! 8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you. 9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? 10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents! 11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent! 12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance? 13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent! 14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you? 15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain! 16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them. 17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning. 18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed! 19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in. 20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory. 21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome. 22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle! 23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That? 24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain! 25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know. 26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. 27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night! 28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? 29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty. 30. How would you like to feel the way you look? 31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you? 32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me,where will you be in the next 10 years? 33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly. 34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me. 35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. 36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? 37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me! 38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all. 39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse? 40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame! 41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be! 42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission! 43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.
Mar 15, 2010
Cool insults for immediate use
Amazing Google Search Tricks ( Very Informative ) Please Share
Searching on Google can be a magical experience once you find out how to make your search queries efficient. By making efficient I mean using some tricks or the cheat sheet provided by Google itself to quickly find what you actually require. Having being hooked onto Google for a long time now, I have come across some amazing search tricks which can change the way you look at Google today.
In this article I will list down the search tricks which I use quite frequently. Be it finding time, meanings or watching the cricket score, searching PDF’s, with Google as the search engine life cannot be more simpler. Here are the 10 most amazing Google Search tricks:
1. Different Types of Files at your will
How many times would you have asked for materials (PDF, PPT, DOC) for a particular topic from a friend? Its almost everyday that we might have the necessity to ask them either for knowledge, preparing a presentation, white-paper or for case studies. Such times it mostly difficult to look out what to exactly search for because most of the times you don’t know about the topic at hand. But this petty keyword unleashes its lethal power at such occasions.
How many times would you have asked for materials (PDF, PPT, DOC) for a particular topic from a friend? Its almost everyday that we might have the necessity to ask them either for knowledge, preparing a presentation, white-paper or for case studies. Such times it mostly difficult to look out what to exactly search for because most of the times you don’t know about the topic at hand. But this petty keyword unleashes its lethal power at such occasions.
Let’s say I want to implement a case study on SOA which means I have to read a lot of information for SOA. So I just have to find materials which might have already been uploaded on the web in the form of PDF’s, DOC’s or PPT’s. These materials can be easily obtained by doing a search for:
- PDF – service oriented architecture filetype:pdf
- PPT – service oriented architecture filetype:ppt
- DOC – service oriented architecture filetype:doc
2. Scholarly Search
If you want some authenticity of the materials then it would be better to find the materials from educational institutes or universities. For this use theGoogle scholar search. But suppose you don’t like to switch to Google scholar search you can add the same query with an additional parameter to the normal Google search box,
If you want some authenticity of the materials then it would be better to find the materials from educational institutes or universities. For this use theGoogle scholar search. But suppose you don’t like to switch to Google scholar search you can add the same query with an additional parameter to the normal Google search box,
3. Meanings of any word in an instantNow you do not have to carry a dictionary or install a dictionary software just for the purpose of finding out a meaning of a word. With the wealth of information in Google’s hands, its a piece of cake to find out the meaning of the word. Just use the define: keyword. The meaning would of course be displayed but also a set of other links which might have an alternative definition are also given out with the link to read more about it.
You would argue here that, a dicitionary gives out more information than this. But what about words that don’t actually fall within the vocabulary. Suppose you want to know what SOA (Service Oriented Architecture) is then you would have no choice. Google Search comes to your rescue in this case,
- Abbreviations – define: SOA
- Jargons – define: Web 2.0
- SMS language – define: LOL
4. Find the time of any location
Many of us might be probably working for client which are based at different locations. And communication has to be carried out frequently carried out in such cases. But before a communication you have to know which time zone the location is falling into otherwise you would be causing a disturbance.
Many of us might be probably working for client which are based at different locations. And communication has to be carried out frequently carried out in such cases. But before a communication you have to know which time zone the location is falling into otherwise you would be causing a disturbance.
I have seen people installing time zone software for showing the time of the location they would be calling to. But with Google at your hands you don’t have to install any software. It would be just simple to use a query for finding the current time such as,
psst….look closely the time on the little clock graphic. It also shows the perfect time!
5. Weather at your fingertips
I had been to GOA for a Christmas vacation in the last week of December. But I made a mistake of not finding out the temperature of GOA before leaving. Had I known that it is hot even in the winter I would not have made the mistake of carrying additional luggage consisting of blankets and jackets.
I had been to GOA for a Christmas vacation in the last week of December. But I made a mistake of not finding out the temperature of GOA before leaving. Had I known that it is hot even in the winter I would not have made the mistake of carrying additional luggage consisting of blankets and jackets.
If you are thinking to visit a place it is useful to know what the temperature of the place is before hand, it can make efficient packing. Google helps you here too. Just use this query without asking anybody or waiting for the news to make a weather report. I wish I had thought of this!
6. Google does live commentary too!
Indians are cricket fanatics. But its amusing to see the organizations here trying to put together tactics to devoid cricket lovers from wasting time to watch the cricket scores instead of doing their work. What I think they fail to understand is that by blocking the live cricket scoring sites they are actually making the employees more curios and provoking them to hunt for proxy networks or listen to the radio or chat with their friends elsewhere.
Indians are cricket fanatics. But its amusing to see the organizations here trying to put together tactics to devoid cricket lovers from wasting time to watch the cricket scores instead of doing their work. What I think they fail to understand is that by blocking the live cricket scoring sites they are actually making the employees more curios and provoking them to hunt for proxy networks or listen to the radio or chat with their friends elsewhere.
Jokes apart, you actually don’t need proxy networks to view the live cricket scores if you at least have access to Google. If you want to find the latest info about all the cricket matches then just type,
But if you want to find out only about a particular match then use only the names of the two playing nations,
Remember that the scorecard will come only when the play is going on.
7. Calculate with your browser
Every OS has a calculator inbuilt but when the browser is the thing which is constantly open whey bother to open up a calculator. Open Google and straight away type your mathematical expression. You can go all the way frombasic arithmetic to trigonometrical expressions. This is simply amazing stuff accomplished by Google.
Every OS has a calculator inbuilt but when the browser is the thing which is constantly open whey bother to open up a calculator. Open Google and straight away type your mathematical expression. You can go all the way frombasic arithmetic to trigonometrical expressions. This is simply amazing stuff accomplished by Google.
8. Compare your currency with others
Now that the dollar is declining, the rest of the world must be busy trying to check the impact of the dollar on their currencies. But first of all one must know how much a particular currency amounts to when cashed in another currency. Google’s inbuilt currency converter just does this.
Now that the dollar is declining, the rest of the world must be busy trying to check the impact of the dollar on their currencies. But first of all one must know how much a particular currency amounts to when cashed in another currency. Google’s inbuilt currency converter just does this.
9. Keep track of the stocks
With the booming stock market it is very important to track the stocks on a day to day basis. Putting a stock ticker in the search box is the most obvious thing you would think of. But it is not always you would remember the stock ticker, you should add the keyword “stocks:” to the company name.
With the booming stock market it is very important to track the stocks on a day to day basis. Putting a stock ticker in the search box is the most obvious thing you would think of. But it is not always you would remember the stock ticker, you should add the keyword “stocks:” to the company name.
The best part of the obtained result is that it provides a chart which shows the trend in the company’s stock along with important statistics.
Note: Currently the results are restricted to the companies listed in the US stock markets.
10. Wanna find some faces?
This is most interesting trick. You might be needing images for various occasions and searching for images is the most difficult thing because what we expect might not be possibly mapped to a query. But Google has a parameter in place for images in situations we need an image which describes a face.
This is most interesting trick. You might be needing images for various occasions and searching for images is the most difficult thing because what we expect might not be possibly mapped to a query. But Google has a parameter in place for images in situations we need an image which describes a face.
Suppose I search for the term “happy” then the Google results page displays smileys. But I would like to use images of happy people. Even if I choose the term as “happy face” the results don’t show images which contain people. For this there is a parameter “imgtype” which you can use with the URL. For this put in the URL as follows:
There are many more variations which can be bought about with the above tricks thus making your search experience not only enriching but also exciting. If I have missed any tricks of common usage, feel free to mention it.
Update 1: Google keeps on experimenting new ways of searching. If you liked the above tricks then don’t miss out my article which mentions how to use thenew search experiments introduced by Google. Believe me, they are brilliant!
Update 2 : Search for your favorite movie information with Google and enjoy it even more. Have fun with the 5 Most Fantastic Movie Search Tricks With Google.
Update 3 : Why not carry out the search for exactly what we are looking for? Get excited for trying out 5 Most Exciting Search Tricks with Google Operators
Before It Gets Started
A man comes to a bar and yells: "QUICK!!!! Give me a glass of beer!!! Before IT gets started!!!"
A bartender goes: "What started?! What are you talking about?!"
"No questions. Just give me the beer, faster!!!"
He drinks the beer and screams again: "One more, hurry up!!! Before it gets started!!!"
"What started?!"
"Nevermind!!! Give me my beer!!!"
He drinks the second glass and continues: "Third glass!!! Faster!!! Before it gets started!!! Do it!!!"
Finally, the bartender asks: "Hey, pal. Are you gonna pay?!"
And the man goes: "Damn! It's started..."
Dry cleaners
Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London .
Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that
catches his eye.
The sign said: "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per
pair".
Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose,
And when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK?
Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might
not be nice to us.
I'll speak in my best English accent."
"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will," replies Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at
£2.00 each
And 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my van and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well... Yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d' y' know dat?"
The owner replied, *"This is a dry cleaners".*
Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that
catches his eye.
The sign said: "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per
pair".
Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose,
And when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK?
Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might
not be nice to us.
I'll speak in my best English accent."
"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will," replies Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at
£2.00 each
And 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my van and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well... Yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d' y' know dat?"
The owner replied, *"This is a dry cleaners".*
Insulting a Woman
A newly wed couple Naren and Nita came to live in an apartment where right across lived a young attractive man.
Naren was bragging to his friend, "My wife is so smart that she caught the guy across the window peeping us nude in action into our Apartment. She was so angered that she wanted to go there and kill the bastard, if I didn't stop her."
The highly impressed friend praised, “You are lucky, she seems to be the woman of high family value, principles, and character."
Naren replied, “No man, she got mad when the guy across the window shut his window on us.”
Naren was bragging to his friend, "My wife is so smart that she caught the guy across the window peeping us nude in action into our Apartment. She was so angered that she wanted to go there and kill the bastard, if I didn't stop her."
The highly impressed friend praised, “You are lucky, she seems to be the woman of high family value, principles, and character."
Naren replied, “No man, she got mad when the guy across the window shut his window on us.”
The Fern and the Bamboo
One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. ...
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".
He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
I would not quit."
He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 Feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots. I Would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."
He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the Fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come, "God said to me." You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you........
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".
He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
I would not quit."
He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 Feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots. I Would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."
He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the Fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come, "God said to me." You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you........
GROCERY LIST
Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.
She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.
Visualizing the family needs, she said: 'Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.'
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store..
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.
The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, 'Do you have a grocery list?'
Louise replied, 'Yes sir.' 'O.K' he said, 'put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries..'
Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, 'I can't believe it.'
The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.
The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: 'Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.'
he grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store...
The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; 'It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs..'
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.
She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.
Visualizing the family needs, she said: 'Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.'
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store..
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.
The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, 'Do you have a grocery list?'
Louise replied, 'Yes sir.' 'O.K' he said, 'put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries..'
Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, 'I can't believe it.'
The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.
The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: 'Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.'
he grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store...
The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; 'It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs..'
WHITE SPOT
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the White Spot restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free. 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator. 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot restaurant because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before. |
5 Nice Little Stories [Must read]
1. Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella...
THAT'S FAITH
2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her...
THAT'S TRUST
3.Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms in our watch to wake up...
THAT'S HOPE
4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future or having any certainty of uncertainties...
THAT'S CONFIDENCE
5. We see the world suffering. We know there is every possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married??...
THAT'S OVER CONFIDENCE!!
THAT'S FAITH
2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her...
THAT'S TRUST
3.Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms in our watch to wake up...
THAT'S HOPE
4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future or having any certainty of uncertainties...
THAT'S CONFIDENCE
5. We see the world suffering. We know there is every possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married??...
THAT'S OVER CONFIDENCE!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)