Robert De Vincenzo, the great Argentine golfer, once won a tournament and, after receiving the check and smiling for the cameras, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Some time later, he walked alone to his car in the parking lot and was approached by a young woman.
She congratulated him on his victory and then told him that her child was seriously ill and near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor's bills and hospital expenses.
De Vincenzo was touched by her story, and he took out a pen and endorsed his winning check for payment to the woman. "Make some good days for the baby," he said as he pressed the check into her hand.
The next week he was having lunch in a country club when a Professional Golf Association official came to his table. "Some of the boys in the parking lot last week told me you met a young woman there after you won that tournament." De Vincenzo nodded. "Well," said the official, "I have news for you. She's a phony. She has no sick baby. She's not even married. She fleeced you, my friend."
"You mean there is no baby who is dying?" said De Vincenzo.
"That's right," said the official.
"That's the best good news I've heard all week." De Vincenzo said.
**********
Good news or bad news? It depends on how you see things. You can be bitter after cheated. Or you can choose to move on with your life.......
Feb 16, 2010
Relationships
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.
*******
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
*******
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
*******
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
*******
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
P.U.S.H
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.
The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, the devil decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." This gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough." And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"
The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me, with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?
Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock."
At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him... By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves the mountains. You just P.U.S.H.! ( Pray Until Something Happens! )
The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, the devil decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." This gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough." And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"
The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me, with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?
Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock."
At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him... By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves the mountains. You just P.U.S.H.! ( Pray Until Something Happens! )
It's Called Mindset
As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.
No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.
"I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.Like the elephants,
**********
How many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further....
**********
"YOUR ATTEMPT MAY FAIL, BUT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT."
No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.
"I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.Like the elephants,
**********
How many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further....
**********
"YOUR ATTEMPT MAY FAIL, BUT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT."
True Facts .... May be
Hewlett Packard's first product was an automatic urinal flusher.
*********
All of David Letterman's suits are custom made; there are no creases in his suit trousers.
*********
Cranberry Jell-O is the only flavor that contains real fruit flavoring.
*********
Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run.
*********
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
*********
Richard Versalle, a tenor performing at New York's Metropolitan Opera House, suffered a heart attack and fell 10 feet from a ladder to the stage just after singing the line "You can only live so long."
*********
If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people, 51% would be female, 49% male; 50% of the world's currency would be held by 6 people, one person would be nearly dead, one nearly born.
*********
In 1920, Babe Ruth out-homered every American League team.
*********
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.
*********
Toxic house plants poison more children than household chemicals.
*********
The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.
*********
All of David Letterman's suits are custom made; there are no creases in his suit trousers.
*********
Cranberry Jell-O is the only flavor that contains real fruit flavoring.
*********
Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run.
*********
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
*********
Richard Versalle, a tenor performing at New York's Metropolitan Opera House, suffered a heart attack and fell 10 feet from a ladder to the stage just after singing the line "You can only live so long."
*********
If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people, 51% would be female, 49% male; 50% of the world's currency would be held by 6 people, one person would be nearly dead, one nearly born.
*********
In 1920, Babe Ruth out-homered every American League team.
*********
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.
*********
Toxic house plants poison more children than household chemicals.
*********
The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.
Those College Days
1. On being Late
“Kab chalu hua?”
“Attendance ho gaya kya??”
“Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar”
“Mein kya karu, Kumar bathroom mein ghusa hua tha”
“Aab neend nahi khuli to mein kya karu, bolna kal kya padaya tha sir ne”
“Kal se pakka class karunga”
“Ek page de na, abe pen bhi to de.”
“Kal proxy mara tha kya”
“Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai.”
2. During the lecture
“Yesss!!!! Sir, The answer is
…..huuuummmmm…….aaaaaaaa…………”
“No sir, I know the answer ……sir….”
“Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai”
“Abe lecture ko chhod, woh kya lag rahi hai aaj.”
“Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha, gadhe.”
“mera assignment tere paas hai??”
“Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha cigarette pene chalte hain .”
“Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go canteen now!!!”
“Boss class khatam hote hi chai chahiye.”
3. Lab
“Expt. 2 likha??”
“Idhar Karna kya hai??”
“Yeh bhai mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata.”
“Areee tu to bura maan gaya, data dikha na.”
4. Unit Test
“Unit test?? Aree yaar…… ”
“Kya !!! abe unit test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga.”
“Boss hogaya aur nahi ho sakta, jaan nahi de sakta.”
“Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?”
“Aaj kounsa test hai?”
“Oye Sanjiv kaha hai, uska roll number mere baad hai, wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail.”
After test
“yaar pada tha, recall nahi kar paya, Leave it. Canteen chalega??”
5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)
“I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya ”
“Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega.”
“Bola tha proxy regularly maar. Saale tera class karne ka kya faida hua.”
6. Late submission of assignments
“Maine ukko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena”
“Last date extend hua thaa”
“I didn’t know the last date”
“Ab mein kya karu wo mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya.”
“They should allow XEROX.”
7 . After exam
“Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?”
“Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?”
“Ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai”
“1st mein 3 marks, 2nd mein 0, 3rd mein 2, Gaya fail pakka”
“Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena, woh kya kya soochegi mere marks dekh kar. mera toh impression gaya yaar. ”
8 . VIVA (b4 exam)
“Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya doonga”
“Bhai Rohit, terese kya poocha”
“External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya”
“Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai”
9 . VIVA (General)
“Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point”
“Roll no. 1 aur 2 ka watt laga diya hai”
“External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai”
“Ye kounse unit mein aata hai”
10 . Submission
“Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?”
“Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?”
“Jai ho computer baba ki, jai ho Ctrl C – Ctrl V ki”
“Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?”
11 . A convocation :
“Ye tune kya likha hai????”
(The best one)
“Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal”
“Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??”
” Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.”
“Koi hint.”
“Are baba ghasit de, na tu samjega na wo.”
12 . Exam
“Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai”
“ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai”
“ye last time hi poochha thaa”
“tere paas is ke notes hai??”
“woh chapter mark weightage 6 marks (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)”
“nahi samjha to rat le”
“External ka aane ka pura scene hai. ”
“Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai.”
“Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha, issmein to anda aata hai.”
“Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya.”
“Kab chalu hua?”
“Attendance ho gaya kya??”
“Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar”
“Mein kya karu, Kumar bathroom mein ghusa hua tha”
“Aab neend nahi khuli to mein kya karu, bolna kal kya padaya tha sir ne”
“Kal se pakka class karunga”
“Ek page de na, abe pen bhi to de.”
“Kal proxy mara tha kya”
“Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai.”
2. During the lecture
“Yesss!!!! Sir, The answer is
…..huuuummmmm…….aaaaaaaa…………”
“No sir, I know the answer ……sir….”
“Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai”
“Abe lecture ko chhod, woh kya lag rahi hai aaj.”
“Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha, gadhe.”
“mera assignment tere paas hai??”
“Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha cigarette pene chalte hain .”
“Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go canteen now!!!”
“Boss class khatam hote hi chai chahiye.”
3. Lab
“Expt. 2 likha??”
“Idhar Karna kya hai??”
“Yeh bhai mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata.”
“Areee tu to bura maan gaya, data dikha na.”
4. Unit Test
“Unit test?? Aree yaar…… ”
“Kya !!! abe unit test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga.”
“Boss hogaya aur nahi ho sakta, jaan nahi de sakta.”
“Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?”
“Aaj kounsa test hai?”
“Oye Sanjiv kaha hai, uska roll number mere baad hai, wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail.”
After test
“yaar pada tha, recall nahi kar paya, Leave it. Canteen chalega??”
5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)
“I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya ”
“Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega.”
“Bola tha proxy regularly maar. Saale tera class karne ka kya faida hua.”
6. Late submission of assignments
“Maine ukko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena”
“Last date extend hua thaa”
“I didn’t know the last date”
“Ab mein kya karu wo mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya.”
“They should allow XEROX.”
7 . After exam
“Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?”
“Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?”
“Ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai”
“1st mein 3 marks, 2nd mein 0, 3rd mein 2, Gaya fail pakka”
“Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena, woh kya kya soochegi mere marks dekh kar. mera toh impression gaya yaar. ”
8 . VIVA (b4 exam)
“Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya doonga”
“Bhai Rohit, terese kya poocha”
“External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya”
“Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai”
9 . VIVA (General)
“Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point”
“Roll no. 1 aur 2 ka watt laga diya hai”
“External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai”
“Ye kounse unit mein aata hai”
10 . Submission
“Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?”
“Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?”
“Jai ho computer baba ki, jai ho Ctrl C – Ctrl V ki”
“Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?”
11 . A convocation :
“Ye tune kya likha hai????”
(The best one)
“Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal”
“Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??”
” Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.”
“Koi hint.”
“Are baba ghasit de, na tu samjega na wo.”
12 . Exam
“Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai”
“ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai”
“ye last time hi poochha thaa”
“tere paas is ke notes hai??”
“woh chapter mark weightage 6 marks (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)”
“nahi samjha to rat le”
“External ka aane ka pura scene hai. ”
“Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai.”
“Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha, issmein to anda aata hai.”
“Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya.”
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