A LONG JOURNEY

A Long Journey    This guy jumps on a train and is going on a long journey to a city. Anyway he sits down next to this old lady who is holding this jar full of oysters. The train speeds off, and during the journey the guy starts to get a bit hungry and is starting to eye off the jar full of oysters. He is just about to give up on the idea of asking the granny for some of her oysters when she falls asleep. The guy sees his chance, and waits for the best opportunity to grab the jar off the granny. The train flies into a tunnel, the guy grabs the jar carefully off the granny. He opens the jar and drinks down some of the oysters. They taste a bit funny but it settles his hunger a bit. He carefully puts the jar back in the grannies hand, and she keeps on sleeping not noticing a thing. The guy settles back for an hour, until he started getting hungry again. The old lady is still asleep, and he sees no problem in eating more of her oysters. So he slyly grabs the jar off her, and drinks down the rest of its contents. He throws the jar out the window, thinking "what the hey, she'll probably forget that she had the jar of oysters". Ten minutes later the old lady wakes up and starts coughing. A very violent cough. She looks around, and finally says in a rough voice, "Okay, who stole my phlem jar?".   ====================   Q: What is the definition of Gross? A1: Kissing your grandmother and she slips you the tongue. A2: Biting into a hot dog and it has veins. A3: When you throw your undies at the wall, and they stick. A4: You're sitting on you grandfather's lap and he pop a boner. A5: Your little brother has lost his scab collection and you're eating his corn flakes. A6: Finding a string in your bloody mary. Q. What's the definition of "bonus?" A. You're fucking a pregnant woman and the fetus gives you a blow job. Q : What's got 2 legs and bleeds? A : Half a dog. Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them

UNWINDING

Unwinding   A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses her room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says,  "Clumsy bitch."   ==================== Q: What's more disgusting than a love bite on a haemorrhoid? A: The bloke that put it there!   Q: How is a faggot like a pretty girl? A: They both only fuck assholes! Q: What's 4x3? A: Twice the age of my girlfriend! ====================   A Pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, it's bloody shit!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

Eight Important Manners to Teach your Little Ones

Eight Important Manners to Teach your Little Ones

 

We all want to raise our little ones to be polite and well behaved, and learning those lessons starts at home.They won't remember them all, or get them right every time, but patience and perseverance should get you through:

 

1. Always say please and thank you.
Whether they're activities as small as giving your little one a snack, or them asking if they can play in the garden, always reinforce the importance of saying please and thank you. No matter how young your children are, you can't start enforcing this rule too early!

 

2.Table manners
When your tiny tots are just learning to eat at the table, start teaching them the manners you'd like them to have for the rest of their lives! Rules like not eating with their mouths open, or not putting their elbows on the table, are good life lessons for your children to learn as soon as possible.

 

3.Play dates
When you're little ones go on play dates, or to birthday parties, remind them to thank their friends parents for having them over. If you aren't going to be attending the play date or event with your little one, ensure your little ones know they should treat their friends parents (and all grown-ups) with the same respect they treat you.

 

4.Birthday party etiquette
It's often said that kids go wild at birthday parties - all the sweet snacks and fun can make little ones get excited, and sometimes forget their manners. But no matter how excited your little one is on their birthday, there are some manners they shouldn't forget: to open their presents thoughtfully (not ripping off the paper, or tossing the present to one side as soon as they've seen it) and to say thank you for every gift, and to every attendee.

 

5.Mind the language
There will come a moment every parent dreads: the moment your little one swears. And then finds it funny! The worst thing you can do in this scenario is laugh. Let them know that you already know that word, you think it's unpleasant, not funny, and ask your little one not to use it again!

 

6.Don't be mean
Kids tease each other, and they find it funny. But this can sometimes go a step too far and lead to bullying. Make sure your little ones don't call others mean names, and don't make fun of anyone for any reason. Ganging up on someone else is cruel, not clever.

 

7.Excuse me!
Once your little ones have mastered saying please and thank you, teach them to say excuse me. It's the polite thing to say when you have to interrupt someone, or bump into somebody.

 

8.TMI
There are some things that are too much information, and that your little ones shouldn't talk about in public! These include genitals, poo, nose picking, and all the other gory things that amuse kids!

Tattoo Girls

Why do men die young?!

Totally Different Fashion Selection

At this time there are many different aspects which are related to guiding the fashion trend for women. The main factor aspect would be to understand the needs of various women belonging to different backgrounds concerning newest fashion trends including the latest accessories. However check this awesome style of fashion, really interesting isn’t? Enjoy