Business Plan

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for KShs.100 each. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at KShs 100 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at KShs 200. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started Catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to KShs 250 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at KShs 500! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all
these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at  KShs 350  and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for KShs500 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

 

An Irish gal and Viagra

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the
doctor?

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor.
'Give him an *Irish Viagra*'.

It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee, he won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

A week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith,
bejaysus and begorrah!

T'was horrid!... Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? .......What happened?' asked
the doctor.


'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!

With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the
tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor,
'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex
I've had in 25 years!


But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never
be able to show me face in 'McDonalds' again!

A testing question

This guy's wife asks, "Honey if I died would you remarry?"

He replies, "Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need companionship, I guess I would."

She says, "If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?"

He replies, "We've spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house, I guess she would."

So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?"

And he says, "That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for it, it's going to last a long time, I guess she would."

So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

And he says, "Oh no, she's left handed."

A Blonde and her Dog

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat,' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

Effective Communication ----- frame the question correctly

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I Smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For Example: "Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?" is a better way of asking "Can I go on vacation during the project completion?"

This is what we all must learn. Frame the question properly!!!

The Silversmith Story

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.


That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.


As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.


The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.


The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.


The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"


He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"


If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.


****************


Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.


And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.


"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once."

The World's Top 50 Richest People - Latest List for 2010

The World's Top 50 Richest People - Latest List for 2010

Rank	Name	Citizenship	Age	Net Worth ($ Billion)	Residence
1	Carlos Slim Helu & family	Mexico	70	53.5	Mexico
2	William Gates III	United States	54	53	United States
3	Warren Buffett	United States	79	47	United States
4	Mukesh Ambani	India	52	29	India
5	Lakshmi Mittal	India	59	28.7	U.K
6	Lawrence Ellison	United States	65	28	United States
7	Bernard Arnault	France	61	27.5	France
8	Eike Batista	Brazil	53	27	Brazil
9	Amancio Ortega	Spain	74	25	Spain
10	Karl Albrecht	Germany	90	23.5	Germany
11	Ingvar Kamprad & family	Sweden	83	23	Switzerland
12	Christy Walton & family	United States	55	22.5	United States
13	Stefan Persson	Sweden	62	22.4	Sweden
14	Li Ka-shing	Hong Kong	81	21	Hong Kong
15	Jim Walton	United States	62	20.7	United States
16	Alice Walton	United States	60	20.6	United States
17	Liliane Bettencourt	France	87	20	France
18	S. Robson Walton	United States	66	19.8	United States
19	Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud	Saudi Arabia	55	19.4	Saudi Arabia
20	David Thomson & family	Canada	52	19	Canada
21	Michael Otto & family	Germany	66	18.7	Germany
22	Lee Shau Kee	Hong Kong	82	18.5	Hong Kong
23	Michael Bloomberg	United States	68	18	United States
24	Sergey Brin	United States	36	17.5	United States
24	Charles Koch	United States	74	17.5	United States
24	David Koch	United States	69	17.5	United States
24	Larry Page	United States	37	17.5	United States
28	Michele Ferrero & family	Italy	83	17	Monaco
28	Kwok family	Hong Kong	NA	17	Hong Kong
28	Azim Premji	India	64	17	India
31	Theo Albrecht	Germany	88	16.7	Germany
32	Vladimir Lisin	Russia	53	15.8	Russia
33	Steven Ballmer	United States	54	14.5	United States
33	Robert Kuok	Malaysia	86	14.5	Hong Kong
35	George Soros	United States	79	14	United States
36	Anil Ambani	India	50	13.7	India
37	Paul Allen	United States	57	13.5	United States
37	Michael Dell	United States	45	13.5	United States
39	Mikhail Prokhorov	Russia	44	13.4	Russia
40	Birgit Rausing & family	Sweden	86	13	Switzerland
40	Shashi & Ravi Ruia	India	66	13	India
42	Mikhail Fridman	Russia	45	12.7	Russia
43	Jeffrey Bezos	United States	46	12.3	United States
44	Savitri Jindal	India	60	12.2	India
45	Donald Bren	United States	77	12	United States
45	Gerald Cavendish Grosvenor & family	United Kingdom	58	12	United Kingdom
45	John Paulson	United States	54	12	United States
48	Abigail Johnson	United States	48	11.5	United States
48	Jorge Paulo Lemann	Brazil	70	11.5	Brazil
50	Roman Abramovich	Russia	43	11.2	Russia