Feb 23, 2011
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Alcoholic
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It’s red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct."
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who’s the father!
Horny Pool Party
And you were expecting.. what, exactly...?
Sometimes I worry about you...
Your Daily Smile ... Elderly Couple Visits Old School
Everyone Needs To Laugh
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally .."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money .... fifty thousand dollars!
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No".
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile"
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...."
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here!"
Eye Exercise for professionals working in computers__
Dear FRIENDS,
Exercise For ur eyes…….
Try to do daily like this........ ......... at least twice in a day
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Exercise For ur eyes…….
Try to do daily like this........ ......... at least twice in a day
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THE KISS
THE KISS
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity and he asked,” Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl ..."
Romantic SMS Collection Part-1
Romantic SMS Collection Part-1
1. Lives are for living I live for you
2. You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet... you are like you... and that's the reason why I love you!
3. You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always...
4. If I had a penny for everytime I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich enough to come and see you..!!
5. If I die and go to heaven, I'll put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see, how much you mean to me.
6. I miss you so, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone. I miss your lips, your lovely smile, I miss you each day more and more!
7. Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME !
8. I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !
9. If you live to be a hundred , I want to be a hundred minus one day , so I don't have to live a day without you.
10. There are a lot of birds wispering only about you, you should once listen to them, then you would know how much I love you.
11. When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, 'cause I did it and I found you!
12. I hope that you finally understand, that I will love you untill the end, because your not just my girl, you are also my best friend!
13. Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you.
14. My love, words however special ... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart!
15. The day that I'll die, when death replaces birth, I'll recognize angels' faces, 'cus I live with one on earth.
16. Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice!
17. If you were a tear I would never dare to cry. I might lose you!
18. If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.
19. If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!
20. If you are mad at me, you might just as well give me all my kisses back!
21. One day you will ask me: What is more important to you, me or your life? I will say: my life- You will walk away from me without knowing that YOU ARE MY LIFE!
22. I have seen angels in the sky, I have seen snowfall in july, I have seen things u only imAgine to see, But I haven't seen anything sweeter than you.
23.True love is hard to find. Special 1-1 of a kind. But the love inside of me is true. It appeared the day I met you!
24. I believe that God above created you for me to love. He picked you out from all the rest cause He knew i'd love you the best!
25. If I died or went somewhere far, I'd write your name on every star so everyone could look up and see you mean the world to me.
26.I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
27. Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end of time.
28. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars.
29. If you live for 100 more days, then I want to live for 100 more days minus one so that I'd never have to live without you.
30. They say you only fall in love once, it can't be true. Everytime I look at you, I fall in love all over again.
31. I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.
32..Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.
33. If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, just know that you are in my heart. You'll be in there forever!
34.Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
35.You can fall from the sky, you can fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me.
36. If I had a rose for everytime I thought about you Id be walking in a garden forever.
37.I wrote your name in the sand but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name on my hand but I washed it the next day. I wrote your name on a paper but I accidentally threw it away. I wrote your name in my heart and forever it will stay.
38.If I can only be with you in my dreams then I'll sleep for ever.
39.Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. So wait for me, I'll be right back.
40. Why is it that I have to climb 1000 mountains to get to you and all you have to do is smile to get to me?
41. If I got a penny every time I thought of you I'd be a millionaire by tomorrow.
42. If you stood in front of a mirror and held up a dozen roses you would see the 13 most beautiful things in the world.
43.A day without you is like a day without light because you light up my life.
44. Is it true? Can it be? Are you the only one for me?
45.. Tonight I ask the stars above. How I'll ever win your love. What do I do.What do I say. To turn your angel eyes my way?
46.The shortest word for me is "I"
The sweetest word for me is "love"
The only word for me is "you!"
47. The way you look into my eyes, It scares me
The way you say "I love you", It scares me
The way you know just what to say, It scares me
The ways you scare me, I love it
48. Good days come often, Bad days do too, But the best days only come when I'm with you.
49. You tripped me, so I fell for you.
50. I will love you until my heart stops beating.
Wee Button
WEE BUTTON Mr. Smith comes to his wife, "Honey, could you be sewing on a wee button that's come off of my fly? I cannot button my pants." "Oh Dear ... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. Jones could be helping you with it." About five minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Mr. Smith. Mrs. Smith looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to you? Did you ask her like I told you?" "Yeah," says Mr. Smith. "I asked her to sew on the wee button and she did. Everything was going fine but when she bent on to bite off the wee thread, Mr. Jones walked in..." |
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