This gay guy goes to the doctor and asks him, “Doctor, How can I grow hair on my chest?”
Doctor replies,”Well you take this vaseline and you rub it on your chest for 10 days.”
Gay guy says,” Really? That’s all I’ve gotta do?’
Doctor says, “Yep, That’s all you’ve gotta do!”
So the gay guy goes home and he sits in front of the mirror checking himself out as he’s rubbing this vaseline on his chest. Then suddenly his roomate (who is a straight guy) walks in and says, “What the HELL are you doing!!”
The gay guy says,’The doctor said if I rub this vaseline on my chest for 10 days then I will grow hair on chest!”.
His roomate replies, “Bullshit! If that was the case you’d have a ponytail growing out of your ASS!”
Feb 7, 2010
THE MAN AND HIS FINGER
A man once went to see a doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.
"Doctor my whole body hurts me," he moaned. The doctor asked him to show exactly where the pain was.
The man explained, "When I touch my shoulder, it hurts. When I touch my back it hurts. When I touch my legs, they hurt."
The doctor did a thorough examination and told the man-
"Sir, there is nothing wrong with your body. Your finger is broken. That is why it hurts wherever you touch. Get your finger plastered, rest it for a couple of weeks and all of your pains will disappear."!!
"Doctor my whole body hurts me," he moaned. The doctor asked him to show exactly where the pain was.
The man explained, "When I touch my shoulder, it hurts. When I touch my back it hurts. When I touch my legs, they hurt."
The doctor did a thorough examination and told the man-
"Sir, there is nothing wrong with your body. Your finger is broken. That is why it hurts wherever you touch. Get your finger plastered, rest it for a couple of weeks and all of your pains will disappear."!!
MISFIT WORLD
Two dwarfs pick up two prostitutes in a bar and take them to their separate rooms in the hotel.
The first dwarf, however, ran into the problem of getting erection.
While the friend of his in next room was shouting, “Here baby I come again, one, two and three, oh… oh..” and he kept hearing this all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf opens the mouth first and asks his friend how did you do for all the money we paid these girls.
The first one cried and says, “Damn it is frustrating, I even could not raise mine. But I could feel you really enjoyed the night several times.”
The second dwarf said, “It is really embarrassing, but I could not even climb from the floor up on the bed.”
The first dwarf, however, ran into the problem of getting erection.
While the friend of his in next room was shouting, “Here baby I come again, one, two and three, oh… oh..” and he kept hearing this all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf opens the mouth first and asks his friend how did you do for all the money we paid these girls.
The first one cried and says, “Damn it is frustrating, I even could not raise mine. But I could feel you really enjoyed the night several times.”
The second dwarf said, “It is really embarrassing, but I could not even climb from the floor up on the bed.”
MISUNDERSTANDING MANNERS
A new waitress in a Bridge Club complained to the manager that the members of their renowned club were so disrespectful and foul that she was afraid she may face sexual harassment from the customers.
She explained, “As I was about to serve the Horde hours, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you've got."
Another man laughed, "I've got strength but no length."
And this rude man says to the lady sitting next to him, "Take your hand off my trick!"
I was barely recovering and a lady spoke, "You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise."
Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said, "Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine."
Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said, "Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine."
THE POOR FARMER
The farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to buy some peaches?'
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as firm as this?'
He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,'' and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they nice and pink like this?'
The farmer said, Yes,' and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as fuzzy as this?'
He again said, 'Yes,' and broke down crying.
She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'
Drying his eyes he replied, ''The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches.
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as firm as this?'
He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,'' and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they nice and pink like this?'
The farmer said, Yes,' and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as fuzzy as this?'
He again said, 'Yes,' and broke down crying.
She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'
Drying his eyes he replied, ''The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches.
A cow from Alberta
The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.
The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?"
The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?
"The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."
The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?"
The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?
"The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."
Change our vision
There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours.
The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.
You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.
Lets change our vision..!!
********
Think simple,Live simple..
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours.
The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.
You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.
Lets change our vision..!!
********
Think simple,Live simple..
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