Facts On Babes

 

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Anti Masturbation Gadget

 Back in the 18th century masturbation was considered a sin by the Christian religion. So, this is is how religion fought with teenage boys, every boy who was in strong religious family had probably worn this during their teen years. 

In fact Christianity never changed their rule about masturbation. So if you are a Christian and had happy time with your mini me, then you are a sinner. *fun fact*

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How To Behave After Sex

Avoid ruining your post-coital bliss through poor bedroom etiquette with VideoJug's guide to how to behave after sex.

Step 1: Advice for him

You may feel that you have expressed yourself quite enough, perhaps you have expressed yourself a number of times, and feel spent. But it's essential you stay awake for long enough to make her feel loved. You may have to fight the urge to sleep, but remember now it's time for her to unload all over you.

Speed up the process by making encouraging noises and agreeing to everything she says. The Past Master of this was Marlon Brando, who put his incredible success with women down to the pose of propping himself up on his elbow, which made him look interested in whatever the lady had to say- even if he was actually falling asleep.

Step 2: Advice for her

Be aware that he will be exhausted - after all you gave him more love than he could cope with. So try and keep your hopes and dreams for the future to a minimum. And certainly don't expand into more mundane issues, like household chores, work gossip or whatever was on your mind while you were expressing your love.

And if it had been instigated as a way of diffusing an argument or row, it is very important to avoid bringing up the argument again, especially as his defences are now down- and it would be too easy.

Step 3: Advice for both of you

If you've managed to avoid upsetting each other so far, don't ruin everything by marking your partner's performance on a range of factors such as skill, effort, creativity and attendance. Never compare this performance to anyone or anything else. And don't fart loudly, do a victory dance, or leave.

What Women Say and what they Actually Mean

Have the Best One-Night Stand of Your Life

What women say and what they really mean...

 

We need - I want

 

It's your decision - The correct decision should be obvious by now

 

Do what you want - You'll pay for this later

 

We need to talk - I need to complain

 

Sure...go ahead - I don't want you to.

 

I'm not upset - Of course I'm upset, you moron.

 

You're...so manly - You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

 

You're certainly attentive tonight. - Is sex all you ever think about?

 

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! - I'm on my period.

 

Be romantic, turn out the lights. - I have flabby thighs.

 

Hang the picture there - No, I mean hang it there!

 

I heard a noise - I noticed you were almost asleep.

 

Do you love me? - I'm going to ask for something expensive.

 

How much do you love me? - I did something today you're really not going to like..

 

I'll be ready in a minute. - Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

 

Is my butt fat? - Tell me I'm beautiful.

 

You have to learn to communicate. - Just agree with me.

 

Are you listening to me!? - [Too late, you're dead.]

 

Yes - No

 

No - No

 

Maybe - No

 

I'm sorry. - You'll be sorry.

 

I'm not yelling! - Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

 

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

 

The same old thing. - Nothing.

 

Nothing. - Everything.

 

Everything. - My PMS is acting up.

 

Nothing, really. - It's just that you're such an asshole.

 

I don't want to talk about it. - Go away, I'm still building up evidence against you.

 

Can't we just be friends? - There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

 

I just need some space - ...without you in it

 

Can you help me with my homework? - If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.

 

Do I look fat in this dress? - We haven't had a fight in a while

 

No, pizza's fine - Cheap bastard

 

I just do not want a boyfriend now - I just do not want (you as a) boyfriend

 

I don't know; what do you want to do - I can't believe that you have nothing planned

 

I don't really mind where we eat - ....As long as it's the place I've already decided on

 

I like you but... - I don't like you

 

You never listen - You never listen

 

We're moving too quickly - I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend

 

I'll be ready in a minute - I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.

 

Oh Yes! Right there - Well, near there; I just want to get this over with

 

I'm just going out with the girls - We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends

 

There's no one else - I am doing your brother

 

Size doesn't count... - unless I want an orgasm.

The Ultimate Dinner (Joke)

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...

 

walk into a very fine restaurant.

 

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group...

 

"You can't come in here without a Thai."

 

Please don't beat me, I am looking for the guy who sent me this, myself

The Longest Scream (18+ Joke)

Sexy Thighs and More from World of Tennis

Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.

 

They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.

 

The next day the meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

 

The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

 

The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."

Tricking the Nun

Tricking the Nun 

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"