Aug 31, 2013
Mommy I tricked Him
Mommy I tricked Him
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your underwear."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any underwear today.''
Sexy Looks And You Are Gone
Sexy Looks And You Are Gone
Men are attracted towards women with sexy looks, according to a new survey.And a sexy deep neck dress is the next best thing to turn them on.
However, when it comes to women, just a simple smile is enough to get them attracted to men.
In the survey, it was found that women were also attracted to men with a good sense of humour, even though they were unattractive.
The survey led by popcorn makers Butterkist also revealed that stockings and suspenders, knee-high boots and short skirts also featured on the list of what men couldn't resist about women.
Thoughtfulness, generosity, and intelligence along with affectionate attitude made it to the list of biggest turn-ons for women.
"We wanted to get under the skin of what it is that makes someone actually irresistible," the Daily Express quoted a Butterkist spokesman as saying.
"We found it's a rare combination of things, both mental and physical," he added.
One in 10 admit having never met someone they could not take their eyes off.
One in five said they would make any excuse to spend as much time with the man or woman of our dreams.
Man born with his heart in his ABDOMEN
The man born with his heart in his ABDOMEN: Factory worker, 24, undergoes life-changing surgery to correct rare defect
- Huang Rongming, from Henan province in China, was born with congenital heart displacement and a defect inside the organ itself
- Condition caused the factory worker to become breathless and turn blue
- A slight knock to the belly could kill him as his heart was not protected
- Has now undergone surgery to correct the condition and said that he is looking forward to leading a normal life
A man, who has lived his entire life with a heart protruding from his abdomen, is finally able to walk upright without getting out of breath or turning blue.
Huang Rongming, from Henan province in China, underwent life-changing surgery to correct heart a defect and move the organ away from his abdomen and into his ribcage.
He had lived with the rare condition for 24 years until a doctor told him his condition was rapidly deteriorating and that he required urgent surgery.
Huang Rongming, from Henan province in China, was born with congenital heart displacement. It only occurs in between five and eight people out of one million. Most patients die soon after birth
Congenital heart displacement is incredibly rare and occurs in just five babies out of every million born. Most patients die soon after birth.
Mr Rongming could not afford the procedure, that would place his heart in his chest, as it should be, but media coverage of his condition enabled him to undergo to life-changing operation.
'It's a dream come true. I'm going to lead a normal life like everyone else,' he told ChinaDaily.
Before surgery, Mr Rongming's heart could clearly be seen pumping underneath a thin layer of skin and bulging out from his upper belly.
The condition often left the factory worker blue and breathless so he spent much of his 24 years lying down to make sure blood flowed around his body
Mr Rongming's parents admitted they were anxious when he was a little boy and said that he was not allowed to play with other children for fear that he would have an accident and die. As farmers they could not afford for him to have surgery
When Mr Rongming was born, doctors did not think he would survive, as his protruding heart had defects and was vulnerable to injury.
Mr Rongming has now undergone life-changing surgery and his heart is in his chest
His parents admitted they were anxious when he was a boy and said that he was not allowed to play with other children for fear that he would die.
The condition made the young Mr Rongming vulnerable to breathlessness and turning blue if he stood up as well as sudden death if his heart was knocked.
As farmers they could not afford for him to have surgery, however.
Earlier this year he sought treatment at Wuhan Union Hospital. His doctor, Dong Nianguo, a cardiac surgeon at the hospital, was astonished that he was still alive.
Tests showed Huang's condition was deteriorating rapidly, and he needed immediate surgery, which could cost about 200,000 yuan.
Huang's story attracted considerable media coverage and within six days of his story being reported, he received all the money he needed from kind readers.
The surgery lasted more than 10 hours and was entirely successful. His abdomen is now flat and his heart defect fixed.
Mr Rongming said: 'I am now normal, thanks to the many kind souls'
Diary of a Sad Cat
Diary of a Sad Cat
Dear Diary: The authorities have removed the black pants from the couch, there is no longer any place for me to sleep. I have vomited three times in protest but there is no sign that anything will change. My only other hope for rest is on the computer keyboard which is nearby but sadly no one is currently using it. I will wait.
Dear Diary: My food dish is now only half full. It is obvious that I will soon starve to death. I have repeatedly tried to draw attention to my predicament with the authorities but they are clearly either stupid, deaf, or just cruel. This may be my last entry.
Dear Diary: It has come to my attention that the authorities have two hands but seem to have made it the sadistic policy only to pet me with one of them at that time. Half of love is just, "lo" which is how I feel. My spirit is breaking.
Dear Diary: My food dish is now only half full. It is obvious that I will soon starve to death. I have repeatedly tried to draw attention to my predicament with the authorities but they are clearly either stupid, deaf, or just cruel. This may be my last entry.
Dear Diary: It has come to my attention that the authorities have two hands but seem to have made it the sadistic policy only to pet me with one of them at that time. Half of love is just, "lo" which is how I feel. My spirit is breaking.
Dear Diary: I have decided to plead with the authorities to rub my belly. I think it will do me good in my current condition I would like to receive two rubs exactly. A third one, and I will bite the mess out of them as per protocol. Wish me luck.
Dear Diary: The water dish continues to vex me. The authorities seem to taunt me with this cruel liquid that has neither smell nor distinguishing visual markings. A sad anniversary, this is the 900th day that my nose has been unintentionally wetted.
Dear Diary: Yesterday I put in a simple request regarding the door to the garden but seemingly out of sheer spite the authorities refused to hold the door open long enough for me to decide whether to go outside or inside. Or outside. Or inside.
Dear Diary: The water dish continues to vex me. The authorities seem to taunt me with this cruel liquid that has neither smell nor distinguishing visual markings. A sad anniversary, this is the 900th day that my nose has been unintentionally wetted.
Dear Diary: Yesterday I put in a simple request regarding the door to the garden but seemingly out of sheer spite the authorities refused to hold the door open long enough for me to decide whether to go outside or inside. Or outside. Or inside.
Dear Diary: The authorities have punished me for taking a poop on the living room floor. This despite my efforts to distribute the litter evenly throughout the house. I am convinced that they are mad men, devoid of reason.
Dear Diary: The squirrel was back again today. It mocks me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours.
Dear Diary: I have been stalking an insect on the wall for the past three days now. All of my attempts to capture it have been thwarted. However today, on further inspection I found out that the insect was in fact a thumb tack. There is no logic in this place.
Dear Diary: The squirrel was back again today. It mocks me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours.
Dear Diary: I have been stalking an insect on the wall for the past three days now. All of my attempts to capture it have been thwarted. However today, on further inspection I found out that the insect was in fact a thumb tack. There is no logic in this place.
Dear Diary: It is three in the morning. The authorities have closed the door to the bedroom. I can only assume that they have forgotten about me and have left me here to die. As a last resort I will stand post for the rest of the night and sing the song of my people in hopes that they rescue me.
Dear Diary: When the authorities poop I have tried to poop in the bathtub litter box with them in a show of solidarity. I have yet to experience any gratitude.
Dear Diary: My attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught. Somehow, almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place. I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.
Dear Diary: When the authorities poop I have tried to poop in the bathtub litter box with them in a show of solidarity. I have yet to experience any gratitude.
Dear Diary: My attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught. Somehow, almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place. I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.
__._,_.___
Diary of a Sad Dog
Diary of a Sad Dog
Dear Diary – It has occurred to me today that my dearest human has never sniffed my backside. I must bond with him in different ways. Like my father always used to say, if you want someone to look you in the eye make sure that your mouth smells exactly like your butt. It's difficult to argue with that logic and so I have eaten some rotting earthworms in preparation for my dear human's return, as well as one of his socks.
Dear Diary – it's not so much that I miss my testicles; I know it's a rite of passage in our pack and I'm sure that my dearest human has had his removed as well but when that one bulldog comes to the dog park and parades his testicles around I can't help but notice how Ginger looks at them. I love Ginger. To be fair I will admit he has a fine smelling butt.
Dear Diary – it's not so much that I miss my testicles; I know it's a rite of passage in our pack and I'm sure that my dearest human has had his removed as well but when that one bulldog comes to the dog park and parades his testicles around I can't help but notice how Ginger looks at them. I love Ginger. To be fair I will admit he has a fine smelling butt.
Dear Diary– the cat is a curious magical creature. It's as if a teddybear mated with a cactus and it's much less fun to play with then it would appear and yet it poops delicious candy into a box of pee flavored sprinkles. Dearest human guards these treats jealously, often harvesting them into a barrel, but I will admit that I sneak one from time to time. They are delicious, forgive me.
Dear Diary– this is the 733rd day that I have tried to test what cat swore to me was true; namely, that if you hump anything long enough you will find a flower. So far the results have been mixed. My dearest human's leg flower has not revealed itself. However I'm almost certain that I felt something on the brown teddy bear. More tests are needed.
Dear Diary– this is the 733rd day that I have tried to test what cat swore to me was true; namely, that if you hump anything long enough you will find a flower. So far the results have been mixed. My dearest human's leg flower has not revealed itself. However I'm almost certain that I felt something on the brown teddy bear. More tests are needed.
Dear Diary – I have yet to see my dearest human poop anywhere, I suspect he may not know how. I have resolved to teach him when we patrol the neighborhood each day in search of man with hats and beards. It is embarrassing to do in public but he must learn somehow, I fear he will die of constipation If don't succeed. Fortunately my dearest human seems to show some interest and is now collecting my feces in a small bag. Soon.
Dear Diary - I must be more careful when licking myself. My dearest human seems sensitive about it, most likely because he is incapable of licking his own. As always I am in awe of his ability to be so noble despite what I can imagine are filthy, filthy. He hides them everyday.
Dear Diary - Today I have added a fourth circle to my pre-pooping ritual. As before the first circle is to verify that I do in fact need to poop. The second is to check for gremlins and men with beards and hats. The third is to re-verify my need for pooping, and now the fourth is to honor my newly deceased toy stuffed llama. Rest in peace, I didn't mean to shake your head off.
Dear Diary - I must be more careful when licking myself. My dearest human seems sensitive about it, most likely because he is incapable of licking his own. As always I am in awe of his ability to be so noble despite what I can imagine are filthy, filthy. He hides them everyday.
Dear Diary - Today I have added a fourth circle to my pre-pooping ritual. As before the first circle is to verify that I do in fact need to poop. The second is to check for gremlins and men with beards and hats. The third is to re-verify my need for pooping, and now the fourth is to honor my newly deceased toy stuffed llama. Rest in peace, I didn't mean to shake your head off.
Dear Diary - I told the cat about how my dearest human has promoted me, teaching me to shake hands so I can participate in his business dealings. However, cat pointed out that I am often unaware of what I am shaking on. For example, when I shook the neighbor's hand this morning, I have no clue what I agreed to, none. Cat says this is how the devil buys souls. I will pee on the bed for comfort.
Dear Diary - My dearest human asked me where the ball was when it was clearly in plain sight. I brought it over and he threw it even farther away then asked me where it was and was very happy when I brought it again; perhaps a metaphor? Dearest human leaves each day and I am happy when he returns wait, maybe he is the ball and I am dearest human this is too much... I must pee on the bed.
Dear Diary - My dearest human asked me where the ball was when it was clearly in plain sight. I brought it over and he threw it even farther away then asked me where it was and was very happy when I brought it again; perhaps a metaphor? Dearest human leaves each day and I am happy when he returns wait, maybe he is the ball and I am dearest human this is too much... I must pee on the bed.
__._,_.___
Marriage Quotes
Hopefully, what I've collected for you will cheer you up, after all you wanted to marry so desperately. Here I've some Quotes for you. Some are sweet, some beautiful, some humorous -- but they are all guaranteed to bring smiles to your faces. These are the best collection of my favourite wedding quotes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore... but let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
- Kahlil Gibran-Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.
-Michael Leunig -A happy marriage is a new beginning of life, a new starting point for happiness and usefulness.
- Dean Stanley-After all there is something about a wedding gown prettier than in any other gown in the world.
-Douglas William Jerrold-True love stories never have endings.
-Richard Bach-To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash-I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
-Rita Rudner-Tell me how many beads there are
In a silver chain
Of evening rain,
Unravelled from the tumbling main,
And threading the eye of a yellow star: -
So many times do I love again.
-Thomas Lovell Beddoes-A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.
-Andre Maurois-Now join hands, and with your hands your hearts.
- William Shakespeare
Prevent Heart Attack
Prevent Heart Attack
Prevent Heart Attack, 100% cure by using Japanese Method of Treatment.
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following ...diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute
3.. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.
The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/ reduce main diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure (30 days)
2. Gastric (10 days)
3. Diabetes (30 days)
4. Constipation (10 days)
5. Cancer (180 days)
6. TB (90 days)
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily..
This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.
It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.
This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals not cold water. Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.
Once this'sludge'reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks:
· Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting,
· Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
· You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
· Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
· 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
· Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following ...diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute
3.. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.
The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/ reduce main diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure (30 days)
2. Gastric (10 days)
3. Diabetes (30 days)
4. Constipation (10 days)
5. Cancer (180 days)
6. TB (90 days)
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily..
This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.
It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.
This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals not cold water. Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.
Once this'sludge'reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks:
· Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting,
· Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
· You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
· Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
· 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
· Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
Please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.
DIFFERENT THINGS MOTIVATE DIFFERENT PEOPLE
Aug 30, 2013
That's What We Practice (Hilarious Joke)
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