Men Are Something Else!!
Bill and his friend Ted were sitting in the pub talking about the funny faces they had seen their wives make from time to time.
Bill started of by saying, "One day, I'd accidentally pissed on the floor, and my wife went nuts, her face looked like a bullfrog being fucked. I still laugh when I think about it!"
"That's nothing," said Ted, "This afternoon, I was sitting down watching the TV, when my wife came in and said, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THE GODDAM SINK?' so I went over to the gun rack, pulled out my shotgun, took aim at her head and pulled the trigger!"
Bill's face started to turn green, and he said, "That's not funny!"
Ted started laughing, and said, "But you didn't see the look on the bitch's face when it was sliding down the wall!"
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Three guys were sitting in a pub with hangovers from the night before.
The first guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning with my pajamas over my clothes!"
The second guy says, "That's nothing, I was so drunk last night I had sex with a woman who I don't even know, and my wife walked in, and I didn't even care!"
The third guy says, "You think that's bad, I was blowing spew all night!"
"That's not too bad!" said the other two.
"No, no, you don't understand," said the third guy, "Spew is the name of my dog!"
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A guy is hanging around the house one day when the phone rang.
"Hi, this is Cindy, remember me?" said the voice on the phone.
"Uhhh, no." replied the guy.
"You took me home after the Christmas party, and you said I was a good sport!" she said.
"Oh yeah, how are you doing?" he said.
"Not so good." She told him, "I just found out that I am pregnant and I have decided to kill myself!"
"Hey, you really are a good sport!" said the man.
