10 Most Important Guys In A Woman’s Life

10) Doctor -  Because He Says, “Take Off Your Clothes.”
9) Dentist – Because He Says, “Open Wide.”
8) Hairdresser – Because He Says, “Do You Want It Teased Or Blown.”
7) Milkman – Because He Says, “Do You Want It In Front Or In Back?”
6) Interior Decorator – Because He Says, “Once You Have It All In, You’ll Love It.”
5) Banker – Because He Says, “If You Take It Out To Soon, You’ll Lose Interest.”
4) Police Officer – Because He Says, “Spread ‘Em.”
3) Mailman – Because  He Always Delivers His Package.
2) Pilot – Because He Takes Off Fast And Then Slows Down.
1) Hunter – Because He Always Goes Deep In The Bush, Shoots Twice And Always Eats What He Shoots.

Good Girls Vs Bad Girls

Good Girls Blush During Love Scenes In A Movie. Bad Girls Know They Could Do It In Better Way.
Good Girls Loosen A Few Buttons When It’s Hot Around. Bad Girls Make It Hot Around By Loosening Few Buttons.
Good Girls Have Only One Credit Card And Rarely Use It. Bad Girls Only Have One Bra And Rarely Use It.
Good Girls Pack Their Toothbrush For Traveling. Bad Girls Pack Their Diaphragms.
Good Girls Prefer The Missionary Position While Sex. Bad Girls Do Too, But Only For Starters.
Good Girls Say, “No Way.” Bad Girls Say, “When n Where?”
Good Girls Think They’re Not Fully Dressed Without A Strand Of Pearls. Bad Girls Think They’re Fully Dressed With Just A Strand Of Pearls.
Good Girls Wax Their Floors. Bad Girls Wax Their Bikini Lines.
Good Girls Wear High Heels To Work. Bad Girls Wear High Heels To Bed.

Death, Hell And Decision

One day in future, Jesse Jackson dies from a Heart Attack
He immediately goes to hell and meet the Devil. “I don’t know what to do here,” Devil says. “You are on my list, but I have no room free for you. You definitely have to stay in the hell,  I’ve  few folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.”
Jesse thought that sounded pretty cool, so the devil opened the the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large swimming pool. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
“No,” Jesse said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer at all, and I don’t think I could do that for all day.”
The devil led him to the 2nd Room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room with full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
“No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I break rocks all the day,”commented Jesse.
The devil opened the third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, and doing what she does best. Jesse looked at the scene and finally said, “OH Yeah, I can handle this.”
The devil smiled and said . . . . . . . . .
“OK, Monica, now you’re free to go.“

Meesage To The Bar Owner

A lady guest approaches the bar in a small Restaurant.
She calls the guy sitting at the bar then she asks him in a very seductive way to come closer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. ‘Are you the owner of this Bar?’ she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
‘Ehhh. No. Not at all!‘ man replies.
‘Would you please call the owner here?‘ the women asks and gently touches his hair.
‘Oh, I’m very sorry. But this is not possible right now‘ the man sighs.
‘Would you then please do me a favor?’ the lady follows gently the line of his lips.
‘Of course. What ever you say!‘ the man moans.
‘I want to leave a message for the owner!‘ she says and let first 1 then 2 fingers slip into his mouth which man gently sucks on.
‘What message you want to give him?‘ he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
‘Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady’s toilet room!‘