TOP 10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO PARENTS WHEN PICKING UP A DATE

Top 10 Things NOT To Say To Parents When Picking Up A Date. 10. "Sorry I'm a little late.  I had to stop by the drugstore." 9. "Show me how you used to spank her." 8. "Please come inside?  Wow, you sound just like your daughter." 7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?" 6. "I just got my license today." 5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature." 4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup." 3. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?" 2. "Hi.  I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'" 1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?   ///   There's nothing better than waking up to your girlfriend giving you a blowjob.  Unless, maybe, it was your wife giving you the blowjob.  Or maybe your wife watching *her* girlfriend give you a blowjob.  Better yet, your wife and her girlfriend *and* your girlfriend all fighting over who gets to give you a blowjob and they all decide to tag team on the blowjob.  The common theme, though, would be getting a blowjob.   ///   Two young newlyweds arrived at a posh hotel and asked for the  honeymoon suite... The receptionist asked the bride, "Do you have any  reservations?" The bride replied, "Yes. I'm not too sure about takin'  it up the ass."

Prize Money

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DON'T FORGET TO SEE THE LAST ONE 
 
 
 
 

PRIZE TIME FOR INDIAN CRICKET CHAMPS
By	For	What
* ICC	Full team	Rs 13.2 crore
* BCCI	Each player	Rs 1 crore each
	Coach, support staff	Rs 50 lakh each
	Selectors	Rs 25 lakh each
Railways	Each player	Lifetime I AC pass for self and companion
Delhi govt	MS Dhoni, as captain;	Rs 2 crore
	Virender Sehwag, Gautam Gambhir, Virat Kohli, Ashish Nehra	Rs 1 crore each
Punjab govt	Harbhajan Singh, Yuvraj Singh	Rs 1 crore each
Maharashtra govt	Sachin Tendulkar, Zaheer Khan	Rs 1 crore each
Uttarakhand govt	MS Dhoni, Sachin Tendulkar	House or plot in Mussoorie; Stadium to be built in Dhoni's name
Karnataka govt	Entire team	Housing plot in Bangalore
Jharkhand govt	MS Dhoni	Land to have a cricket academy; Jharkhand Ratna award
Gujarat govt	Yousuf Pathan, Munaf Patel	Eklavya Award, Rs 1 lakh each
Air India	MS Dhoni, Yuvraj Singh Harbhajan Singh, Suresh Raina	Promotion, rewards for all
Haryana govt	Virender Sehwag, Ashish Nehra	Best Sportsman of the Year Award
Uttar Pradesh govt	Suresh Raina, Piyush Chawla	Kanshi Ram International Sports Award
Audi	Yuvraj Singh	Audi car
Kerala Govt.	Sreesanth	3 crore (To stop playing cricket )
*ICC: International Cricket Council   *BCCI: Board of Control for Cricket in India

 
 

Cracks in The Parking Garage ... !!!

Hilarious Husband Vs. Wife Jokes

Husband VS Wife

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."

 

"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

 

The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

 

*********

 

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

 

"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

 

*********

 

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "

 

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

 

*********

 

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

 

" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

 

*********

 

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

 

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

 

"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

 

*********

 

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

 

*********

 

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,

 

"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"

 

"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."

 

*********

 

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."

 

One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and  none of them dares to answer back.

 

*********

 

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

 

"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.

 

"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

 

*********

 

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

Tata Introduces Elegante Concept Sedan Car

A Legacy of Love

A Legacy of Love
Leaving the Earth a Better Place

From our first breath here to our very last, we will find infinite opportunities to influence our environment for the better.

We inherit this great planet from our parents and from the generations that came before. Then, in concert with the surrounding culture, our elders teach us how to care for the land and the sea, ourselves and each other. They model ways of being in relationship with every other expression of life on earth. But whether they act with care or carelessness, compassion or cruelty, generosity or greed, we have the ability to choose our own individual way of relating with the planet and her inhabitants. From our first breath here to our very last, we will find infinite opportunities to influence our environment for the better. We can decide now to act with intention in order to leave this amazing planet brighter and more beautiful than when we arrived.

If we enjoy environmental activism, we might feel moved to clean up beaches or to plant trees. But, we need not feel limited in our ability to contribute positively. There are many ways to leave a legacy of love. We might begin by radiating affirmative thoughts and feelings about how magnificent the earth truly is. We might create and tend a special garden, one that provides an abundance of food and herbs for ourselves and our loved ones. Or we might create a garden filled with sweet smelling flowers to uplift our hearts. We might even honor the earth simply by trying to be the best person we can be while we are here. Such good will can have a domino effect, inspiring others to contribute in their own way as well.

We spend our lifetimes being nourished and enlivened by the rain, sun, soil and wind. Our experience is blessed by other living beings, from plants to insects to birds and humans. We receive so much; giving back just naturally feels good. When we live our lives with intention of leaving this temporary home a better place for generations to come, we are perhaps leaving behind the best gift of all.

Stepping Stones

Stepping Stones
One Day at a Time

Our lives are made of stepping stones, one experience after another in perfect and divine order.

The years of our life do not arrive all at once; they greet us day by day. With the descent of each setting sun, we are able to rest our heads and let the world take care of itself for a while. We may rest assured throughout the night, knowing that the dawn will bring with it a chance to meet our lives anew, donning fresh perspectives and dream-inspired hopes. The hours that follow, before we return to sleep once more, are for us to decide how we want to live and learn, laugh and grow. Our lives are sweeter and more manageable because we must experience them this way: one day at a time.

Imagine the future stretching out before you and try to notice if you feel any tension or overwhelm at the prospect of the journey still to come. Perhaps you have recently made a lifestyle change, like beginning a new diet or quitting smoking, and the idea of continuing this healthy new behavior for years seems daunting. Maybe you have started a new job or are newly married and can feel an undercurrent of anxiety about your ability to succeed. If you can shift your focus from what may happen years down the line and return it to the day that is before you right now, you may find a measure of calm and renewed confidence in your capabilities. You may also discover an inner faith that the future will take care of itself.

The way we show up for our lives today and tomorrow has an enormous affect on who we will be and what we will be experiencing years from now. If we can remain fully engaged in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our energy into making the most of it, we will find that we are perfectly ready and capable to handle any future when it arrives.

A Matter of Significance

A Matter of Significance
Recognizing Your Value

Sometimes we can feel as if we don't matter in the world, but we all have something to offer.

It can be easy sometimes to buy into the illusion of our own insignificance. We may see large corporations or institutions, celebrities or successful people in our community, and compare ourselves to them, thinking that their fame or material power affirm how little our own lives amount to. But nothing could be further from the truth. Every single one of us matters—tremendously. Our very existence affects countless people in countless ways. And because we are each essentially a microcosm of the larger universe, our internal experiences affect the whole of life more than we could ever imagine. The world simply could not exist as it does now if you, or any one of us, were not in it.

Perhaps you are aware that on some level you believe your life does not matter. If this thought resonates within you, maybe it is time to explore why you feel this way. You may have formed self-rejecting or belittling beliefs as a child to keep yourself safe or to help you make sense of confusing situations. You may have felt unseen or unheard and decided that there was something wrong with you, rather than with the attention span of the people around you. Spend some time looking into where these feelings of insignificance first took root, and see what changes you might be able to make in your life and in your heart.

This one belief in your own unimportance could be limiting you and impacting your life in enormous ways. When you shift your perceptions around your own ability to affect your life and impact the world, you may discover wonderful parts of yourself that you had long ago forgotten. There may even be exciting new parts that you never even knew existed. When you gain awareness of how much your life really does matter, new sources of energy can emerge and your sense of connection with the world is renewed.

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