TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU'RE NOT ROMANTIC

** Top Ten Signs That You're Not Romantic ** 10. You ask the waiter for a seat near the kitchen so it minimizes the time it takes for your food to arrive. 9. She doesn't like the "I'm The Property of Jason" t-shirt you got her for your anniversary. 8. You take your date out for dinner that consists of a coupon for free nachos and half price on drinks. 7. Her candlelight dinners really irritate you 'cause it's so hard to read the sport's page while eating. 6. You apologize with a dozen dandelions. 5. After a romantic dinner, you offer to do the dishes by letting the dog lick the plates. 4. You consider pig latin the "language of love". 3. Some say it with flowers, you say it with sparkplugs. 2. When your boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed, you said, "Shhh!... talk to me during the commercial." 1. "I thought cubic zirconium looked prettier than real diamonds."   == I met a girl whose breasts were growing out of her back. She was pretty funny looking, but she was great to dance with! ==   There once was a man from Calcutta, who liked to beat off in the gutter, the heat of the street melted his meat and turned his cream into butter. == A young blonde woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. What size would you like?" The blonde responds, "Oh, just mix them up, I am not going steady with anyone right now." == A little boy asked his mother: - Mummy, why are you white and I am black? - Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don't bark.

WOMEN PLAYING GOLF

Women Playing Golf   Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!   ZZZZZ   My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.   People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. What do outhouses and candy have in common? If there's no hole, it's not a lifesaver.   ZZZZZ   A Mexican, a black man, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says " whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says" I love liver and cheese". She says "that's not good enough". The black man says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not creative", And then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine".

Too Drunk ??

 

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink. The
bartender says "No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later the drunk comes in throught the bathrooms, again he slurs
"Give me a drink." Bartender says "No, man, I told you last time you're too
drunk."
Five minutes later the guy comes in throught the back door and orders a drink,
again the bartender says "You're too drunk." The drunk scratches his head and
says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."

Know your value

!!! Know your Value !!!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note. In the room of 200,

He asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the note up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.

"Now who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money.

You still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen.

Never lose your value.

You are special. Don't ever forget it! Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.

"VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED"

 

 

7 Status Updates That Will Help You Get Some Action

Whether seven’s your lucky number or not, that’s the number of ideas we’ve come up with for status updates that will help you get lucky!

Try posting one of these and watch what happens.

Of course, they will work better if the statements are actually true, but perhaps you could work out those details in time to score some action with someone special — or even a new friend for one night.

That said, below are seven status updates that will help you get lucky. Readers, if you know of any other good ones, please share them in the comments section.

1. I just won a million dollars. Now all I need is to win the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend.

2. I’m sitting in a hot tub all alone with a bottle of Dom Perignon. Anyone want to come over?

3. I’ve got an extra ticket for (fill in the blank] that I’d prefer to give to someone cute.

4. I just signed a record/book/movie deal with (major label/publisher/production studio).

5. The doctor just diagnosed me with priapism.

6. I’ve got an extra backstage pass to Barry White and need someone to hold my hand.

7. The (name of professional team) has made me an offer.

Readers, we’d love to hear reports of your exploits with awesome status updates. And for your added entertainment, we’ve embedded a video about Facebook hook-ups below.

6 Easy Steps To Increase Your Privacy On Facebook

Organizing all of your Facebook friends into separate lists can help save you time and enhance the privacy of your posts and profile information.

You can set up friend lists for family, close friends, college pals, coworkers, industry friends, exes, and, well, whatever else you like. Then you will able to selectively share information using your Facebook account.

For starters, you’ll be able to post messages that are viewable only to the lists you designate. What’s more, you’ll be able to adjust your privacy settings so that your profile details are accessible only to your chosen friend lists.

Six Really Easy Steps

Follow these six simple steps to create a friend list on Facebook. You can create up to 100 friend lists and each list can contain up to 1,000 friends. If you like, friends can appear on multiple lists.

1. On your Facebook homepage, click on the friends icon in the navigation bar running down the left column.
2. At the top right of the page, click on the icon with the pencil that reads “Edit Friends.”
3. At the top right of the page, click on the icon with the plus sign that reads “Create A List.”
4. A box will appear that reads “Create New List.” In the text box below this, that reads, “Enter A Name,” type in the name of the friend list you want to make, for example, “Industry”.
5. You will see all of your friends appear in this box. Click on the names of the people you would like to add to the list you just made. Once you select a name, a check box will appear and the name and photo of the person you selected will be highlighted in blue. As you view all of your friends using the scroll bar at right, you can toggle at the top left of the box between “All” (which shows your entire friend network) and “Selected” (which shows the friends you have chosen to be to part of the list).
6. Click on the link labeled “Create List” to save the changes you made

Modifying Friend Lists

At any time, you can change the name of the list or change the people on the list by selecting the “Edit” link that appears to the right of the list name.

To view, add or delete friend lists, go to your friends page and click on the “Edit Friends” button. Your friend lists will appear in the column at left. Click on each list to modify or delete it.

Limiting Who Sees What

When you post a status update, you can make it visible only to a selected friend list. To do this, after you type your message into the status update box, click on the lock icon. Scroll down and select “Customize.” Click on the drop-down menu under “Make This Visible To.” Select “Specific People.” Type in the name of the list you want to be able to see the status update.

To limit the people who can view your profile information to a friend list, click on “Account” at the top right of your screen.

Click on “Privacy Settings.” Then click on “Customize Settings” at the bottom left of the main text box.

For each option listed at left you can select from the drop-down menu at right “Customize.” Then, where you see “Make This Visible To”, click the drop-down menu and select “Specific People.” Type in the name of the selected friend list that you want to be able to view your profile.

Keep in mind that Facebook may continue to change its friend list interface in future. In the meantime, we suggest you forward this post to people you know who don’t have any lists set up yet — this might help get them started.

rubber..

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they
find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto
the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he
taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of
rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up...."

 

__._,_.___

Freedom

BATGIRL

No One Can Hurt Us without our Consent

"No One Can Hurt Us"

 

On His First Day In office
As President Abraham Lincoln Entered To Give His Inaugural Address, One Man Stood Up, he Was A Rich Aristocrat.

 

He Said,

 

"Mr Lincoln, You Should Not Forget That Your Father Used To make Shoes For My Family"
And The Whole Senate Laughed, They Thought They Had Made A Fool Of Lincoln.
But Certain People Are Made Of A Totally Different Mettle.

 

Lincoln Looked At The Man Directly In the Eyes And Said

 

"Sir, I Know That My father Used To Make Shoes For Your Family,
And There Will Be Many Others Here,
Because He made Shoes The Way Nobody Else Can.
He Was A Creator.
His Shoes Were Not Just Shoes
He Poured His Whole Soul Into Them.
I Want To Ask You,
Have You Any Complaint??
Because I Know How To Make Shoes Myself.
If You Have Any Complaint I Can Make You Another Pair Of Shoes.
But As Far As I Know,
Nobody Has Ever Complained About My Father's Shoes.
He Was A Genius,
A Great Creator
And
I Proud Of My Father.
The Whole Senate Was Struck Dumb
They Could Not Understand What Kind Of Man Abraham Lincoln Was.
He Was Proud Because His Father Did His Job So Well That Not Even A Single Complaint Had Ever Been Heard

 

"Remember"
"No One Can Hurt Us Without Consent"

 

"It is Not What Happens To us That Hurts Us
It Is Our Response That Hurt Us"

parenting tips

Men vs Women

 

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck
with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If
the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes
and still try their luck with others.

***************

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to
wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An
old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect
you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
believe you

Marriage Counselling

 

A young couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
 
Ahmed asks, 'We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.'
 
'Absolutely not,' says the Mullah. 'It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.'
 
'So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?'
 
'No,' answered the Mullah, 'It's forbidden in Islam.'
 
'Well, okay,' says Ahmed, 'What about sex? Can we finally have sex?'
 
'Of course!' replies the Mullah, 'Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!'
 
'What about different positions?' asks the man.
 
'Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),' says the Mullah.
 
'Woman on top?' Ahmed asks.
 
'Sure,' says the Mullah. 'Allah Akbar. Go for it!'
 
'Doggy style?' 'Sure! Allah Akbar!'
 
'On the kitchen table?' 'Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!'
 
'Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators,  leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?' 
 
'You may indeed.. Allah Akbar!' 
 
'Can we do it standing up?' 
 
'No, absolutely not!' says the Mullah.' 
 
'Why not?' asks the man. 
 
'Because that could lead to dancing!

__._,_.___

The Stranger - So True

The Stranger - So true!

 

A while ago, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town.  From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family.  The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on. 

 

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family.  In my young mind, he had a special niche.  My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey.  But the stranger..he was our storyteller.  He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

 

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future!  He took my family to the first major league ball game.  He made me laugh, and he made me cry.  The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. 

 

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.) 

 

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them.  Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home.. Not from us, our friends or any visitors.  Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.  My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol.  But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis.  He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. 

 

He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex.  His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. 

 

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger.  Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked.. And NEVER asked to leave. 

 

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family.  He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first.  Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. 

 

Categorically, he destroyed all the moral values, ethics, love, time for each other and other good qualities we had in our family..whilst adding some unnoticeable quantity of positive stuff also, which any way we would have had even without him..

 

His name?.. .. .   

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

We just call him 'TV.'

 

 

 

(Note: This should be required reading for every household!) 

 

He has a wife now..We call her 'Computer.'

 

Their first child is "Cell Phone".

 

Second child "I Pod" 

 

 

Pls share this with friends if you think this will do some good to our society.. Nothing will happen even if you do not Share. The decision is YOURS

Words of Wisdom

Words of Wisdom
Affirmations

Our minds accept as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, but it can also accept our positive affirmations.

The words we speak and think hold great sway over the kind of life that we create for ourselves. Many people live their lives plagued by negative thoughts and never even realize this. They tell themselves and others that they are doomed to fail, not good enough, or not worthy of love, yet they are amazed when their reality starts reflecting these words. Just as the subconscious mind accepts as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, however, it is also equipped to instantly accept the veracity of our affirmations. 

Affirmations are statements chosen and spoken consciously. Once they enter our realm of consciousness, they also enter our subconscious mind where they have the power to change our lives. The affirmations you create should be specific, not too long, worded positively, formed in complete sentences, and spoken in the present tense as if what you are affirming is already true. It is a good idea to repeat your affirmations daily. You may want to tell yourself that you deserve to be happy or that you are in control of your destiny. Or, you may want to focus on a particular goal, such as attracting new friends. Rather than telling yourself you want to be well-liked, say, "I am well-liked." Your subconscious mind will pick up on these positive messages, and you will begin to live your life as if what you are affirming already has happened. Soon, your reality will begin to reflect your affirmations. If you find that you are thwarting yourself with negative thinking, try repeating ! your affirmations several times a day. Write your affirmations down and say them aloud or in your mind. Allow your conviction to grow stronger each time you say your affirmations, and your negativity will be overridden by your motivation and positive thoughts. 

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Why Are They Going To College

Why Are They Going To College