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May 8, 2011
My Doctor
MY DOCTOR... Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again. ~~~~~ He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years Before he realized she was Chinese. ~~~~~ Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months. ~~~~~ While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him." ~~~~~ Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops." ~~~~~ One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?" ~~~~~ I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it." ~~~~~ My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring." ~~~~~ Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later." ~~~~~ When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places. ~~~~~ You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner." |
Worst Mistakes by Santa & Banta
Worse Mistakes by Santa & Banta
Banta replied, " I wanted to stay and sleep here for a night."
Practical guide to getting work done without paying bribe
Corrupt officials use various tactics to extract bribes.
You may take the following action to counter those tactics.
(1) Indefinite Delay: They delay your work until you offer a bribe. Solution: Don't visit government offices. Follow up your pending work through letters. You may send letters by courier, registered post or speed post. [Local speed post costs only Rs 12/-. Local couriers are available at Rs 5/-]. You may also use RTI Act to know status of your work. In which case you need to spend another Rs 10/-.
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(2) Demanding unnecessary papers: Sometimes they demand unnecessary documentation, and hint that work can be done without those very papers if you pay a bribe. Solution: If they can offer to do your work without additional papers [with bribe], it means that those papers were definitely unnecessary. (i) Ask officials to demand those papers in writing, and record the conversation. (ii) Write a letter stating that you demanded these papers. Are they really mandatory as per law? You can also use the RTI Act here. (iii) Use the RTI Act to find out whether s/he demanded those papers from other applicants. (iv) Whatever paper s/he demands, send it by post. Never deliver anything without receipt. [Remember no officer will complete your work without the mandatory papers].
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(3) They advise you to pay bribe so that you pay less tax / penalties. Many times they demand higher amount for penalties than prescribed under laws. Solution: (1) Check laws if you can (2) Record the conversation and tell them that you are going to report it to the Anti-Corruption Bureau. (3) Use the RTI Act to find out how much was paid by others under similar circumstances.
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(4) When the official is not available in his/her office. Solution: Write a letter that you visited his/her office on say, 1st August at 11 AM but s/he wasn't available. His/her assistant Mr. Rama Rao said to come again on 5th August. This letter will make him/her take special care of your work.
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(5) If nothing works, try this: When you don't have any option, record the conversation, pay money and get your work done. After your work is completed, meet that official and demand your money back. Tell him/her that you are going to complain, if s/he does not return your money. Tell him/her about Jago Party. Take a Jago pamphlet or advertisement copy with you. This will most likely make him/her return your money.
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(6) Develop the habit of complaining. Whenever you see crime and corruption, send written complaints to head of that department, ACB / CBI, local newspapers and the Jago Party.
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(7) Don't be submissive. Call officials by their names. Don't call them `Sir' or `Madam'. Be polite but don't show unnecessary respect. Be firm and confident. Talk about the RTI Act and the Jago Party. Corrupt officials are generally afraid of knowledgeable people.
You may take the following action to counter those tactics.
(1) Indefinite Delay: They delay your work until you offer a bribe. Solution: Don't visit government offices. Follow up your pending work through letters. You may send letters by courier, registered post or speed post. [Local speed post costs only Rs 12/-. Local couriers are available at Rs 5/-]. You may also use RTI Act to know status of your work. In which case you need to spend another Rs 10/-.
.
(2) Demanding unnecessary papers: Sometimes they demand unnecessary documentation, and hint that work can be done without those very papers if you pay a bribe. Solution: If they can offer to do your work without additional papers [with bribe], it means that those papers were definitely unnecessary. (i) Ask officials to demand those papers in writing, and record the conversation. (ii) Write a letter stating that you demanded these papers. Are they really mandatory as per law? You can also use the RTI Act here. (iii) Use the RTI Act to find out whether s/he demanded those papers from other applicants. (iv) Whatever paper s/he demands, send it by post. Never deliver anything without receipt. [Remember no officer will complete your work without the mandatory papers].
.
(3) They advise you to pay bribe so that you pay less tax / penalties. Many times they demand higher amount for penalties than prescribed under laws. Solution: (1) Check laws if you can (2) Record the conversation and tell them that you are going to report it to the Anti-Corruption Bureau. (3) Use the RTI Act to find out how much was paid by others under similar circumstances.
.
(4) When the official is not available in his/her office. Solution: Write a letter that you visited his/her office on say, 1st August at 11 AM but s/he wasn't available. His/her assistant Mr. Rama Rao said to come again on 5th August. This letter will make him/her take special care of your work.
.
(5) If nothing works, try this: When you don't have any option, record the conversation, pay money and get your work done. After your work is completed, meet that official and demand your money back. Tell him/her that you are going to complain, if s/he does not return your money. Tell him/her about Jago Party. Take a Jago pamphlet or advertisement copy with you. This will most likely make him/her return your money.
.
(6) Develop the habit of complaining. Whenever you see crime and corruption, send written complaints to head of that department, ACB / CBI, local newspapers and the Jago Party.
.
(7) Don't be submissive. Call officials by their names. Don't call them `Sir' or `Madam'. Be polite but don't show unnecessary respect. Be firm and confident. Talk about the RTI Act and the Jago Party. Corrupt officials are generally afraid of knowledgeable people.
Virginity Test!!!
Virginity Test…!!!
Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit – A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!',
………you hit her with the shovel."
How To Behave After Sex
Step 1: Advice for him
You may feel that you have expressed yourself quite enough, perhaps you have expressed yourself a number of times, and feel spent. But it's essential you stay awake for long enough to make her feel loved. You may have to fight the urge to sleep, but remember now it's time for her to unload all over you.
Speed up the process by making encouraging noises and agreeing to everything she says. The Past Master of this was Marlon Brando, who put his incredible success with women down to the pose of propping himself up on his elbow, which made him look interested in whatever the lady had to say- even if he was actually falling asleep.
Step 2: Advice for her
Be aware that he will be exhausted - after all you gave him more love than he could cope with. So try and keep your hopes and dreams for the future to a minimum. And certainly don't expand into more mundane issues, like household chores, work gossip or whatever was on your mind while you were expressing your love.
And if it had been instigated as a way of diffusing an argument or row, it is very important to avoid bringing up the argument again, especially as his defences are now down- and it would be too easy.
Step 3: Advice for both of you
If you've managed to avoid upsetting each other so far, don't ruin everything by marking your partner's performance on a range of factors such as skill, effort, creativity and attendance. Never compare this performance to anyone or anything else. And don't fart loudly, do a victory dance, or leave.
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