2 Drunks............

Two old  drunks were sitting in a bar when the first one said"Ya knowwhen I was  thirty and got an erectionI couldn't bend iteven using both
Hands.

 

"By the  time I was fortyI could bend it about ten degrees if I tried
Really hardby  the time I was fiftyI could bend it about forty five
Degreesno  problem.

 

"I'm gonna be sixty next weekand now I can bend it  in half with just one
Hand.

 

"So" said the second drunk"what's your  point?"

 

"WellI'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna  get."

9 Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob... 
So  they  loaded  up  Jack's  minivan and headed north.
After  driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.   

 

They  pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered  the door if they could spend the night.

 

'I realize it's  terrible weather out there and I have this huge house  all  to  myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid  the  neighbors  will talk if I let  you  stay in  my house.'

 

'Don't worry,' Jack  said.  'We'll  be happy to sleep  in  the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll  be  gone at first light.'  The  lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the  barn  and  settled in for the night.

 

Come  morning, the weather had cleared,  and they  got on their way.. They  enjoyed a great weekend of  skiing.

 

But  about nine months  later,  Jack got an  unexpected
letter  from an attorney.

 

It  took him a few minutes  to  figure it out,  but  he finally determined that it   was  from the attorney of  that  attractive widow he  had  met on the ski weekend.

 

He dropped in on his friend  Bob  and  asked,  'Bob,  do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed  at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months  ago?' 

 

'Yes,  I do..' said   Bob

 

'Did  you, umm, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the  house and pay her a visit?'

 

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a  little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that  I  did.'

 

'And  did you happen to give her my name  instead  of telling her your  name?'

 

Bob's  face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm  afraid I did. ''Why do you ask?'

 

Well.......'She was very rich....she just died.....and she left me everything.'

 

(And you thought the  ending would be different didn't you?.......

 

Tech Support Vs Customers

Tech  support:    What kind of computer do you have? 

  Customer:    A  white one...

    ===============

Customer:    Hi,  this is Celine .. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support:   Have you tried pushing  the Button?

Customer:    Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech  support:    That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer:    No , wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...

 ==============

 Tech  support:    Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer:   Your left or my left?

     ===============

Tech  support:    Good  day. How may I help you?

Male  customer:    Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on 'start'  for me and....

Customer:   Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

    ===============

Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.

     ============== =

Customer:   I have  problems printing in red..

Tech  support:    Do you have a color printer?

Customer:    Aaaah......................thank you.

    ===============

Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

    ===============

Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore.

Tech  support:   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer:   No. I can't  get behind the computer.

Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: !   OK

Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer:   Yes, there's another one here. Ah. that one does work.

    ===============

Tech  support:    Your password is the small letter 'a' as in  apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer:   Is that 7 in capital  letters?

  ===============

Customer:   I can't get on the  Internet.

Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer:   Yes, I'm sure. I saw my  colleague do it.

Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer:   Five dots.

   ===============

Tech  support:    What  anti-virus program do you use?

Customer:   Netscape.

Tech support:   That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer:   Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

  ===============

Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I  move the mouse, it disappears.

  ===============

Tech  support:    How may I help you?

Customer:   I'm writing my first  email.

Tech  support:    OK,  and what seems to be the problem?

Customer:   Well, I have  the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

 ===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a  problem with her printer.

Tech  support:   Are you running it under windows?

Customer:   'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  printer is working fine.'

     ===============

And last  but not least...

 Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list  in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.'

Customer:   I don't have a P.

Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:   What do you mean?

Tech support:   'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO  THAT!

A Little Action

Jon was on a business trip for a few days, and one night he went looking for a little "action."

He picked up a sweet young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know that she had a snapping pussy and was darn near a nymphomaniac.

After six times having sex, she was screaming for more. After the eighth time, Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes. On the way out, he stopped into the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped his pants, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find his tool.

After a couple of minutes fishing around, he finally said, "Look, it's okay. She's not here!"

.

Paddy

My husband and I used to have a lovely setter named Paddy who was very well loved by our two children.

Sadly, one day, Paddy was hit and killed by a neighbor's car while chasing a squirrel. That evening, when the children returned home from school, I called them in to explain the tragedy. Quite surprisingly, they accepted the grim news with little comment and returned to the yard to play.

After fifteen minutes or so, they found me in the kitchen and asked where Paddy was. Thinking they were in some form of denial, I gently started to describe again what had happened to their beloved pet.

The younger boy burst into tears and sobbed, "Paddy? I thought you said Daddy."

Daddy is Home

Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in almost four years.

As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a purple heart on!"

To which the mother replied, "I don't give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Joneses' for a couple hours."

Just for one day

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

What women would do if they had a penis for a day

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......

 

Kamaal Ka Salesman

Ek bar ek Shopping Mall ne ek naya gujarati salesman hire kiya. Sale badhne lagi-din dugni, raat chauguni.

Boss ne socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Boss Mall par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bechraha tha.

Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne lagaa. Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di. Customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola Rs.800/-.

Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola, itne mehange shoes pahankar fishing karne jayenge? Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye, customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye.

Ab ladke ne kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li. Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega, kuchch eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid li.

Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka.

Boss bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal ke salesman ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa . . aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good.

Ladka bola, ' Sir, woh aadmi to 'Always Ultra' napkin kharidane ayaa tha uski biwi ke liye, maine kaha, char din tu ghar par kya karega, '"Jaa Machli Pakad'"

Joke of d day

A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual.

The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.

He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly.

“So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look. “The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again.”

Love Tester

FaceBook Users Click HERE !!!

Gynecologist's Assistant

Gynecologist's Assistant Opening

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested he goes to learn more - 'Can you give me some more details about this?' he asks the guy behind the desk.


The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - 'Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.

You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles fom here.'


'Oh why, is that where the job's is located?'

'No sir - that's where the end of the applicants line is!'

Daddy, How was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers, Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little 'Pop-Up' appeared that said

Scroll down
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'You have Male!'

MY FIRST CONDOM

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a
packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant
behind the counter, and
She could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if
I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered,

No, this is my first time. So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
slipped it over her thumb.
She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently
still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was
empty. It was empty.

Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my
hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it.
I unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then
said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay
down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I
climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer
hold back and KAPOW,

I was done within a few seconds. She looked at me with a bit of a frown.
'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'I sure did,' and held up
my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.

1. NAME_________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___

2.HEIGHT__________________WEIGHT___________IQ______GPA_______

3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE_______________ZIP_______

6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN___________________________________

7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________

8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE?______________
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____________
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__

9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________________________________

10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?________________________________________________________

11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________________________

12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?________________________

13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?___________PRIEST?__________

14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)

15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)

Sharp Indian Aunty

A sophisticated looking Indian lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits
Down.
The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop, Runs
Over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk sari and points to
Her right inner thigh - very high up. "Right here," she says, "I want
You to tattoo a clay lamp and underneath it I want the word Diwali."
Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, "On this

Side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and
An angel on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas."
The owner looks at her. "Ooh, lady, it's none of my business, but that
Is probably the most unusual request I've ever heard. Why in the world
Do you want to do that?
"Well," the lady said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband always
Complaining that there's never anything good to eat between Diwali and
Christmas.

Good Girls Vs Bad Girls

Good Girls Blush During Love Scenes In A Movie. Bad Girls Know They Could Do It In Better Way.

Good Girls Loosen A Few Buttons When It’s Hot Around. Bad Girls Make It Hot Around By Loosening Few Buttons.

Good Girls Have Only One Credit Card And Rarely Use It. Bad Girls Only Have One Bra And Rarely Use It.

Good Girls Pack Their Toothbrush For Traveling. Bad Girls Pack Their Diaphragms.

Good Girls Prefer The Missionary Position While Sex. Bad Girls Do Too, But Only For Starters.

Good Girls Say, “No Way.” Bad Girls Say, “When n Where?”

Good Girls Think They’re Not Fully Dressed Without A Strand Of Pearls. Bad Girls Think They’re Fully Dressed With Just A Strand Of Pearls.

Good Girls Wax Their Floors. Bad Girls Wax Their Bikini Lines.

Good Girls Wear High Heels To Work. Bad Girls Wear High Heels To Bed.

Who is the BEST

Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS?

One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.

"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"

Why not, said the other two.

The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".


Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished.

So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"


So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again.

Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes!

So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".


And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered.


They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.

"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!"

GHOST SEX

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands. 'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand. 'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Bubba replied, 'Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said Goats.

Doing 69 .... !!!

Once a girl is quite fantasized about "69". She has a regular

boyfriend they

have never done it before.

One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic

dinner.



After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69".

But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69.

Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do

69.

she asks him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him in

reverse direction so as in 69.

The boyfriend is confused but is eager to know about 69. so he does

as

the

GF tells him to do.



they lay down in this position for about 2 min. she is thinking

that He

will, by the time, get excited by this.

but suddenly the GF has to let go one Fart...directly on her BF's

face.

GF quickly apologizes and asks him to stay in that position for

some

more

time.



after 1 min she has to let go one another fart....this time bigger

than



the

previous.

The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and

yells

at

her..





"If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD"

Doctor aur Santa (Patient) [Hilarious Joke]

Doctor to Santa (Patient): Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai?

Santa: Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor: dawai khali thi kya?

Santa : Nai doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor: Are Santa ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Santa: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?

Santa: Oho, nahi doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

Doctor: Abe GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya?

Santa : Nahi. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor (in frustration) : Abe Teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha ki nahi?

Santa: Nahi doctor saheb.

Doctor: Kyon?

Santa: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor: Teri sale, to khola kyon nai.

Santa: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor: Tera ilaj main nahi kar sakta!

Santa: Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga?

Doctor : Abe teri …@#$!^&*!!!

Ramayana retold by NRI kid [ULTIMATE]

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to
explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he
went about it...

" So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him.
But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced
her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national
forest or something... . Since he was going, for like, something like more
than 10 years or so.... he decided to get his wife and his bro along.... you
know...so that they could all chill out together. But Dude, the forest was
reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devil s and shit
like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so
it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe
(Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his
bro, Laxman, pissed.... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't
mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't
ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood....
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it
gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they
deci ded to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our
dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at
least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs
in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like,
decided to smoke and stuff ... and since they also had some lamps, they lit
the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those
fireworks... . Really, they even had some local band play along with the
fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no
kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... . you
know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know.
And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."

The mother fainted.

newton in romantic mood

NEWTON IN ROMANTIC MOOD........ ......

Universal Law Of Love:

" Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer From
One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money "


First Law Of Love:


" A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl
In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless
Any External Agent(Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And
Break The Legs Of The Boy. "


Second Law Of Love:


" The Rate Of Change Of Intensity Of Love Of A Girl Towards A Boy Is
Directly Proportional To The Instantaneous Bank Balance Of The Boy And
The Direction Of This Love Is Same To As Increment Or Decrement Of The
Bank Balance. "


Third Law Of Love:


" The Force Applied While Proposing A Girl By A Boy Is Equal And Opposite
To The Force Applied By The Girl While Slapping."

letter to krishna

Subject: Letter to Krishna


Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his
mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his
birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to Krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your
birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Krishna
a letter.

************ **
Letter 1

Dear Krishna,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday.
I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.

************ **

Letter 2

Dear Krishna,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.
************ **
Letter 3

Dear Krishna,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my
birthday.

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to Krishna either. So, Bobby wrote
a fourth letter.
************ **
Letter 4

Krishna,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,

Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a
bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to temple.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Rdha.

He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the
street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to Krishna.
************ **
Letter 5
Krishna,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!!!

Sexy Barmaid

Joe is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slapped a ten on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."

She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. Joe took his glass eye out placed it beside the glass and went to the bathroom.

"Betcha I can bite my own ear," Jor challenged. The bet was accepted and he took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money.

"Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing."

Now that was one thing she knew about so she accepted the bet. Joe lifted her skirt & away they went.

"I can feel you," she cried.

"Oh well," Joe said, "You win some, you lose some !!"

Deaf Genie

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9 inches high and sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp.

He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here. Rub it."

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

"I will grant you one wish.. Just one wish.... each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want A million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "You know, I think your Genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks."

"No shit!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?"