My Wine

My Wine

Smart Housekeeper

Joe was a housekeeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss' wine bottle and replacing it with water. The boss, James, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while. But when this became a daily routine, James decided to do something to trap Joe.

Accordingly, James replaced his drink with a French wine which changed colour when water is added to it. Joe, not aware of the trap, took a few swigs and added water as usual. The wine changed colour from red to milky white. Joe realized he was in for trouble but was determined to get out of it.

James told his wife about Joe's misdoings and that he would make Joe accept his follies.

So he shouted, "Joe!!!" Joe answered from the kitchen, "Yes boss?"

James, "Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?"

There was no answer from the kitchen. The boss repeated the question, still no answer. The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, "What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with 'Yes Boss' and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What impertinence!!!"

Joe said, "It is like this. In the kitchen, you can hear only your name being called. You don"t hear anything else that is said, I swear."

James, "How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong. You stay right here in the hall with Madam, I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question, OK?"

So the boss went to the kitchen.

Joe shouted, "Boss!!!"

Boss, "Yes Joe?"

Joe, "Who becomes intimate with the maid in Madam's absence?"

Silence - no reply. Joe again, "Who made the maid pregnant?"

No reply. Joe, yet again, "And who arranged for her abortion?"

James came running from the kitchen and said, "You are right Joe. When one is in kitchen, one can't hear anything but one's name. That's bloody strange!"

10 Common Habits That Damage the Kidneys

10 Common Habits That Damage the Kidneys

Kidney disease is one of the costliest illnesses in the world and managing kidney disease is very expensive.

Each year, lots of people die of kidney disease all over the world, and the number of people suffering from chronic renal failure, and need dialysis or kidney transplantation to stay alive keep increasing.

Statistics have it that, worldwide, more than millions patients are waiting for kidney transplants, but only a few thousands will receive transplants because of shortage of suitable organ donors.

Patients usually felt surprised when they are diagnosed of Kidney Failure.

Experts have found the explanation from your daily life habits.

Here are the top habits which lead to your kidney failure:

1. Not emptying your bladder early: Maintaining a full bladder for a long time is a quick way of causing bladder damage. That the urine stays in the bladder for a long time can cause the bacteria breeding in urine to multiply quickly. Once the urine refluxes back to ureter and kidneys, the bacteria can result in kidney infections, then urinary tract infection, and then nephritis, even Uremia.
So, no matter how busy you are, remember to drink a lot of water and urinate regularly. Once you form the habit of holding back urine, it will ultimately damage your kidneys.

2. Not drinking enough water: The main functions of the kidneys are to regulate erythrocyte balances and eliminate metabolic wastes in urine. If we do not drink enough water, the blood will be concentrated and the blood flow to the kidney will not be adequate, thus the function of eliminating toxins in from blood will be impaired.

3. Taking too much salt: 95% sodium we consume through food is metabolized by the kidneys. Exceeding the salt intake will make the kidneys work harder to excrete the excess salt and can lead to decreased kidney function. This excess sodium will cause water retention, causing edema. Edema usually elevates blood pressure and increases the risk of developing kidney disease. The daily salt intake should be controlled within 6g per day.

4. Not treating common infections quickly and properly: Common infections, such as pharyngitis, tonsillitis, common cold etc, usually triggers or aggravates kidney damage. They do this by causing an acute attack of acute glomerulonephritis or chronic nephritis. So, you will see that people who get kidney disease for the first time or whose illness condition becomes worse usually present in hospitals with a history of cold or sore throat.
If after having cold, symptoms like blood in urine, swelling, headache, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, poor appetite appear, you should consult your doctor immediately, to assess your kidney functions, and start treatment if compromised.

5. Eating too much meat: Eating too much meat and protein can increase the metabolic load of the kidney. For those suffering from proteinuria, meat consumption too may aggravate protein leakage, worsening renal pathological lesion.
It is suggested that protein intake should be 0.8g/kg per day. This means that a person with 50 kg should consume 40g of protein per day. Meat consumption per day should be limited within 300g.

6. Not eating enough: This is equally as dangerous as eating too much, both of them will lead damages to your digestive organs where is full of mucosal tissues. Mucosal tissues relates closely to your immune system. This is why many kidney failure patients are diagnosed with "autoimmune kidney damages".

7. Painkiller abuse: The use of analgesics for a prolonged duration may reduce the flow blood and greatly affect kidney function. In addition, patients with analgesic-induced renal failure are more likely to suffer from bladder cancer.
Use analgesics only when it's absolutely necessary, learn to rest instead of taking to the bottles. If you have been on pain killers for a long term, it's about time you had a test to access you renal function done.

8. Missing your drugs: Hypertension and diabetes have been shown to precipitate or accelerate kidney damage, so if you are diagnosed as having any of these disease don't live your life in denial, USE YOUR DRUGS.
This will ultimately help control your condition while also helping to preserve your kidneys.

9. Drinking too much alcohol: Drinking alcohol without limitation may cause the deposition of uric acid in renal tubules, causing tubular obstruction and increasing risks of kidney failure.

10. Not resting enough: In our society, hypertension as a severe threat to life is largely due to stress. A common symptom of stress is insomnia. Blood pressure may increase by an average of 2-5mg/Hg because of insomnia. Chronically elevated blood pressure can cause damage to kidney capillaries giving rise to kidney problems. Thus, we need to develop a good attitude to life and strike a good balance between work and rest to protect your kidneys and live a healthy life.

At the early stage of kidney diseases, there are usually no the special symptoms, so lots of patients are not diagnosed until the acute attack appears or the illness condition develops into the late stage. So you should endeavor to do kidney function test from time to time to assess how healthy your kidneys are.

Never ignore the soreness of waist, swelling of the feet, changes in urine color or volume, increase in night urination, palor, high blood pressure and other such symptoms. Once found, you should go and see your doctor immediately.

For more insightful articles like this one, always check http://www.stayinghealthyplus.com/

Medieval Jokes

 

Medieval Jokes

While it might seem that the Middle Ages was a time of being serious, there was also mirth. There are many works that were meant to be funny and you can find stories of kings and bishops laughing at a joke. Much of the humour can be described as rude and crude: jokes about sex or bodily functions. The targets of the jokes might be foolish husbands or bad wives, the local priest, a king, or even historical figures. 

One of the best known joke books of the Middle Ages is the Facetiae by Poggio Bracciolini (1380-1459), an Italian scholar who worked for the Papacy and was seen as one of the brightest minds of his time. See how medieval your humor is while reading today's jokes! 

-- A Friar, who was but moderately considerate, was preaching to the people at Tivoli, and thundering against adultery, which he depicted in colours of the deepest dye. "It is such a horrible sin," said he, "that I had rather undo ten virgins than one married woman!" Many, among the congregation, would have shared his preference. 

-- The Abbot of Septimo, a very fat and corpulent man, on his way to Florence one evening, enquired of a peasant he met, "Do you think I shall be able to enter the gate?" Of course, he thus meant to ask whether he was likely to reach the city before the closing of the gates. But the country-man, rallying his stoutness, replied, "To be sure, you will; a cartload of hay gets through, why should not you?" 

-- The father of a friend of ours had an intimacy with the wife of a downright fool, who, besides, had the advantage of stuttering. One night he went to her house, believing the husband to be away, knocked on the door, and claimed admittance, imitating the cuckold's voice. The blockhead, who was at home, had no sooner heard him, than he called to his wife, "Giovanna, open the door, Giovanna, let him in; for it does seems to be me." 

-- A man who had given his wife a valuable dress, complained that he never exercised his marital rights without it costing him more than a golden ducat each time. "It is your fault," answered the wife, "why do you not, by frequent repetition, bring down the cost to one farthing?" 

-- A Florentine I was acquainted with was under the necessity of buying a horse in Rome, and bargained with the dealer, who asked him twenty-five gold ducats, too high a price; he offered to pay fifteen ducats cash, and to owe the rest; to which the dealer agreed. On the following day, when asked for the balance, the buyer refused, saying, "We must keep our agreement: it was settled between us that I was to be your debtor; I should be so no longer if I were to pay you." 

-- In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. "Look also on the other side," said the poor creature, "my husband has sometimes taken that road." 

-- Several persons were conversing in Florence, and each was wishing for something that would make him happy; such is always the case. One would have liked to be the Pope, another a king, a third something else, when a talkative child, who happened to be there, said, "I wish I were a melon." "And for what reason?" they asked. "Because everyone would smell my bottom." It was usual for those who want to buy a melon to apply their noses underneath. 

-- An inhabitant of Perugia was going along the streets, wrapped in thought and melancholy, and, being met by someone who enquired the motive of his concern, replied that he owed money which he could not pay. The man responded, "Leave that anxiety to your creditor."

Nature's Way

Nature's Way

(Please let the pics open. Might take some time on a slower connection.)

 

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WHERE EAGLES DARE

WHERE EAGLES DARE

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Let's Live the Life of an Eagle Best Regards,

Cunning Lawyer

Cunning Lawyer

I have a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel

 

hat Goes Uphill with Three Legs?

What goes uphill with three legs? I believe this is the best one yet, for "not messing with old  people." A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting  next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking  that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would  like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's  the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a  $5 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three  legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop  to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends  E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After  an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not  knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so  what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with  four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. You know you're going to send this one on. Don't mess with  seniors!