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Jan 14, 2012
A drunk walks out of a bar
| A drunk walks out of a bar..  A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wie#ER hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his part and without Missing a beat, blurts out.... "Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!! |
IF THERE WERE COMPUTERS IN 1776
| IF THERE WERE COMPUTERS IN 1776  Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence. Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here. Mr. Jefferson: That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday? Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems. Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy. Mr. Sherman: Thanks. Saaaaay, nice font. Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week. Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out. Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.stinks last night. Mr. Franklin: @#$$%^$# General Protection Fault! Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me. Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended Legislation; have you considered using bullets to air out the text? Mr. Jefferson: I can fix that easily enough. Drat! I've spilled candle wax on my keyboard again. Mr. Adams: You know, Thomas, that wouldn't happen if you'd buy an active-matrix screen. Mr. Franklin: Hard-disk failure?!? Aw, criminy! Mr. Livingston: Are you sure it's "unalienable rights"? My spell checker recommends "unassailable". Mr. Jefferson: Can we stick to the substance of the document, please? Shoot. Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable? Mr. Sherman: What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn't compatible. Mr. Franklin: Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy drive buzzes? OK, I'll hold..... Mr. Livingston: The "In Congress" part here at the top; have you thought about blowing that up really big and maybe centering it in 72 point Helvetica? Mr. Jefferson: Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can't save the file. Mr. Franklin: That's all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my quill pen.... |
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