"My wife is poisoning me."

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something
terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me.
What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers,
"Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know." A week later
the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?" The man said, "Yes."
The Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!

Elderly woes ... [ SENIORS GIVING BIRTH ]

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.


When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.


"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."



Thirty minutes had passed, and another

Relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"


"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they

Asked again, "May we see the baby now?"


"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"


"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"


"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"

management & engineers

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.




She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."




The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."








"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man.




"How did you know?"




"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."




The man below responded, "You must be in management."




"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"




"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"




BOTTOM LINE: just imagine the management guys who are basically engineers... no wonder!!!!!