Oct 16, 2012

Reclaim your sex life in 9 easy steps!


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Experts list a few surefire tips to help restore those lost charms in the bedroom. Read on...

1. Just go ahead with it: "It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it's hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect."

2. Connect with each other: "You can't just turn sex on when it's time to go to bed You need to build that sense of connection."

3. Stay positive: "Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It's easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication."

4. Prioritise your relationship:"Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it's 11:30 p.m. and it's too late for sex. There's no urgent need to check your BlackBerry -- your relationship has to be a priority."

5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex desire, and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."

6. Reveal your Imaginations: "In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a dream. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticizing, express it in a sexy way."

7. Lend a helping hand: "A lot of women aren't interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes, and men can't always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that's really important."

8. Be honest: "One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn't perfect -- guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in '11 you were saying something didn't matter, [maybe] it does in '12. Sex changes from year to year and '12 is a new year."

9. Create the right environment, "the love nest": "Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses."

HOW VIBRATORS ARE BETTER THAN MEN!



How Vibrators Are Better Than Men!

`It's happy to keep going until we're satisfied.

`Vibrators don't prematurely ejaculate

`A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating."

`They don't get tired after the first time

`You never have to lie to a vibrator by saying it was good or ... that you had an orgasm.

`Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV ... or Fishin'!

`Vibrators never go limp and rubbery, you simply replace the batteries when it tires.

`Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!!

`You can throw them in a drawer and only take them out when you want to!

`Vibrators don't hog the remote ... Nor the computer!!

`We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we want without being called a slut.

`Position is your choice, not his.

`You don't have to suck it.

`It works "while" the sports games are on.

`It always is hard.

`It doesn't leave a mess behind.

`You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.

`It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.

`It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.

`You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.

`You don't have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be interested in it the next morning.

`They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood.

`They never drink too much and embarrass you.

`You don't have to tell the vibrator he's the best you ever had!

`Safe sex without a rubber

`Vibrators don't ask who your Daddy is

`Vibrators do what you want them to do at ALL times!

`Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime anywhere you want!!

`They never ask how they were.

`They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.

`You don't have to stroke its ego.

`They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another get-go.

`It doesn't leave a wet spot.

`You can carry it with you at all times, and not feel obligated to feed it.

`It doesn't require "a little lip action" to get hard

`It has no problem finding the "g spot."

`You know exactly where its been.

`Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed.
 



Fun facts of life


 * A person cannot fold a piece of paper in half more than 8 times.
* There are just over 300 million cell phones used daily in the United States alone.
* A shrimp's heart is in its head.
* Natural pearls will melt in vinegar.
* An olive tree can live up to 1500 years.
* Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
* Ants can't shut their eyes.
* On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building looks like an American flag.
* Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, while women shirts have the buttons on the left.
* Chewing gum will help reduce tears when cutting an onion.
* The day after thanksgiving is the busiest day for plumbers in the U.S.
* Coffee beans are not beans at all, rather fruit pits.
* Fortune cookies were invented in America in 1918, by Charles Jung.
* Scuba divers cannot pass gas at depth deeper than 33 feet.
* The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion then, to shave them off.
* The average American consumes enough caffeine in one year to kill a horse.
* A giraffe can clean its ears with its 50 cm (20 in) tongue
* The pig is rated the fourth most intelligent animal but are mentioned only twice in Bible
* Sharks are immune to all known diseases
* The majority of suicides occur on a Monday.- It is a fact, everyone HATES Mondays.
* The most children born to one woman was 69, she was a peasant who lived a 40 year life, in which she had 16 twins, 7 triplets, and 4 quadruplets - now that's a lot of babies!
* If you keep a goldfish in the dark, it will eventually turn white.
* On average, people who use their right hand live 9 years longer than people who use their left.
* The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
* It is physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
* Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
* A snail can sleep for three years.
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Golfer's Medical Problem




 Golfer's Medical Problem

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm !"

"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?

"The good news is, I have another one to* replace it with, but it's a woman's arm*. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm ?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great" says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer:
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"every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."

Astro Kissing


 Astro Kissing
Aries 
Aries, your kisses are quick and passionate; fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone!

Taurus 
Taureans, your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and they can go on and on and on! 

Gemini 
Gemini, your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny anecdotes!

Cancer 
Cancer, your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go!

Leo 
Leo, your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing; you expect applause for your performance!

Virgo 
Virgo, your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices them once you've finished!

Libra 
Libra, you kiss with an ardent passion and then like to linger for a while and begin again!

Scorpio 
Scorpio, you are so passionate, you skip the kiss and get to straight… whatever comes next for you!

Sagittarius 
Sagittarius, your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more! 

Capricorn 
Capricorn, your kisses are intense moments of sublime pleasure that is slow and lasting! 

Aquarius 
Aquarius, your kisses tend to be wet and messy; till you perfect them; and then no one can French kiss like you! 

Pisces 
Pisces, your kisses are starry-eyed, amorous and long-lasting. You end one kiss, only to start on another!

Roll Call


 ROLL CALL

Doing a rollcall on the first day back at school at Brookstown Primary, the teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:

"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"
"Here."

"Achmed El Kabul?"
"Here."

"Fatima Al Chadoury? "
"Here."

"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"
"Here."

Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"
"Here."

"Mi Cha El Mey Er"

Silence in the classroom.

"Mi Cha El Mey Er"

Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.

She repeated, "Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er?"

A boy arose and said, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me. My name is Michael Meyer."

Couple Sex

 COUPLE SEX


Eight year old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grandpa, what is couple sex?" 

The grandfather knowing frankness of Obama with their Girls on media news decided a girl talented enough to ask the question, is rightful enough for a straightforward response. 

Thoughtfully and carefully he began to explain, covering everything on the subject about human reproduction, attractions, joys and responsibilities of sex. 

When he finished explaining, the little girl was staring at grandpa with her mouth gasping, eyes wide in amazement. 

Seeing her astonished face, the grandfather inquired, "Why you asked me that question, dear baby?" 

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a “COUPLE SECS”.

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