Cybersex Chat

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner. It's smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take of my panties!

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking!

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...in your... you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!

Sweetheart: Bye!!!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto sleep out !

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping in the desert,
 they set up their tent, and go to sleep.  Some hours later,
 The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.

"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in  Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically,  it's evident the Lord is all powerful and
we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems
 we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. 

What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Tonto, you Dumb Dumb, someone has stolen our tent."

Comixx ... 'Woof' !

Great News .. !

Great News for these financially challenged times!

I found a local prostitute who charges by the inch.

Obviously, I can't afford her, but I thought you might enjoy a cheap night out.

Posters .

A SILENT LOVE

From the very Beginning, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.


Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"


As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.






After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"


The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged.


The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.


One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice......


The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.


During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.....it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.


With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls,.. All the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying....


The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.


With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.


A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.


When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.


******

Aquainted

This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus.


A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors. she tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. she tried to step up onto the steps again.


But it was still to tight. She reached back and unzipped some more. Tried to step up again and the skirt was still to tight. She tried one more time.


She reached back and unzipped some more. And she still couldn,t get up onto the bus. So this man behind her reaches and grabs her by the butt.


He gives her a boost onto the bus. She turns around and slaps him and saying "What do you think you are doing."


Well the man says "Well lady after you unzipped my pants for the third time I thought we was aquainted."

Be A Lake

The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.






"How does it taste?" the Master asked.








"Awful," spat the apprentice.








The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake.








The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake,








The old man said, "Now drink from the lake."








As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?"








"Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the Master. "No," said the young man.








The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said,








"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less.








The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into.








So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things .....








Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"

Woman's Ears. ( Funny Joke )

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.




He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, 'yes, I can put you right.'




After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.




The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, 'You swine, you gave me a woman's ears.'




'Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's.'




'You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!'