Painter

A Newfoundland painter by the name of Skipper Drover, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him in Long Harbour for his paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo and asked Skipper if he would paint her in the nude.
This was the first time anyone had made this request and it had Skipper a bit perturbed. The beautiful lady told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Skipper asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Rose, his missus..

In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus. The wife says it's okay. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I has ta leave me socks on so I has a place to wipe me brushes.. . ...."

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SOB

SOB   A scantily dressed girl goes to confession, and tells the Priest "Father,I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday." "Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch?" the priest asked. "Because, father, he touched me on my arm without " "Do you mean like this?" He touches her arm. "Yes, father." "That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father he also touched my breasts. "You mean like this?" He touches her breasts. "Yes, father." "That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father, he took off my clothes." "Like this?" He takes off her clothes. "Yes, father." "That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father he then puts his you-know-what in my you-know- where." "Like this?" He puts his you-know-what in her you-know- where. "Y-Y-Yes father," she says sometime later. "But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father, he has Herpes." "THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!! _________________________   There was a young man named Ringer, Who was seducing a beautiful singer. He said with a grin, "I've now rammed it in!" She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?" _________________________ A Man shouts to his wife, Come here and look at my clock She walks in to find him naked with a hard on She says that's not a clock He says it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.. There once was a plumber from Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea She said Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming! Said the plumber still plumbing... It's me!   A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit "Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?" "Of course not," said the hare, "It's really quite rare!" So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. __________________________________________________

Upset lawyer

 

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? ....Where have you been? ...Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it". And on and on and on it went.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Everyone Needs to Struggle a Little

Struggle a Little 

Once a biology class was going on.. The teacher was teaching the class on how a butterfly comes out of its cocoon... He brought a live cocoon to demonstrate a butterfly coming out... Unfortunately he was called out on an urgent task before the butterfly could come out... But before he went he warned the class that on no condition should anyone help the butterfly to come out...

 

He went out and after some time the cocoon opened and the butterfly started to come out...

 

One boy taking pity on the butterfly's struggle helped it to come out...

 

The sir returned and saw the butterfly and then asked the class, Who helped the butterfly?

 

The boy raised his hand and confessed...

 

The sir said u did grave error in helping the butterfly...

 

In helping it u deprived the butterfly of it life's goal...

 

The initial struggle out of the cocoon should help the butterfly strengthen its wings...

 

now it will never fly...

 

We are also in some ways like this butterfly...

 

Now read on .....

 

Sometimes Struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through life without any obstacles, It would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been And we could never fly.

 

So next time you are faced with an obstacle, A challenge, or a problem, Struggle a little and then you can fly.

Difference between love and sex

 

The difference between Sex , Super Sex  and Love .............. good one

Girl asks her mother: What is Sex?
Mother: Sex is when you stop a car driven by a man who offers you a meal in a restaurant, and then you  spend some time with him in the hotel room, have sex with him once, and then each one go on his way and you have a hundred dollars bill extra in your pocket.;)

Then the girl asks her mother: What is Super Sex?
Mother: Super Sex is when you stop a limousine driven by Chauffeur and a stylish man is sitting in the back who takes you to a luxurious villa, gives you a scrumptious meal with distinctive Caviar ..., and then you spend the night together in bed and engage in sex more than once, and then you part with an envelope containing a thousand dollars in your pocket.:* (y)

And then the girl asks  her mother: "What is love?
Mother: Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex with you for Free..

Top Gear

American Sign Language

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Sex Can Kill You

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Stand And Deliver

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Handy Dryer

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Toon Wallpapers

Thoughts

 

Thoughts from a retiree's wandering mind ........

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or maybe twice.

I went to San Francisco . I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Someone told me I was gullible and, guess what ... I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it just me--or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?

Life...... explained

 

 

On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.     On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.   On the fourth day, God created humans and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.. I'm doing it as a public service.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holly

A small story- Must read

A Small Story… A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised. That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble. Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully

The donkey.... read to end ...!!

 

The donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

* Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less


* NOW **............*

Enough of that  *.... *The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


* MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your tracks, it always comes back to bite you.

You have two choices...smile and close this
page, or pass this along to someone else to
spread the fun.

Tere Bin - Tuj Say Juda

Tere Bin - Tuj Say Juda

 

Tere Bin - Tuj Say Juda



Kion tere bin mein ek pal ab reh nehi pati
Teri ssoch, tera khial hay mere dil ko tarpata

Teri pyaari batoon say milay meri dil ko sakoon
Mujhe ishq hay teri zaat say ya koi or janoon

Ho jati he tere anay say meri dunya jag-mag
Tere jatay hee har tarf andhera chata Hai

Dil to rehta din bher teri yaddon mein maghen
aab na ho gi shaied issay kisi aur say lagan.

Yeh fasle yeh doorian yeh nit-naee majborian
Teray bin, tuj say juda, ab aik pal bhee jeeya nahee Jata

GREAT WORDS

 

GREAT WORDS



"The world suffers a lot. 
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!" 

"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its Because of them I did it myself.."

"If friendship is your weakest point 
then you are the strongest person in 
the world"

"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have 
The Ability To Deal With It". 

"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, 
If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them". 

"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But 
The Risk Is That You Will 
Surely Loose The Person For Life Time". 

"When You Are In The Light, 
Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, 
Even Your Own Shadow Doesnt Follow You." 

"Coin Always Makes Sound 
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases 
Keep Yourself Calm Silent" 

"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone,
But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"

Jiye huwe lamhon ko ....!!

 

Jiye huwe lamhon ko ....!!

Jiye huwe lamhon ko zindagi kahete hai,
Jo dil ko sukun de use khusi kahete hai,
Jis ke hone ki khusi se zindagi mile,
Aise rishte ko hum dosti kahete hai.
*************************
Mulakat be kabi aansu de jaati hai,
Nazar be kabi dokha de jaati hai,
Gujre huwe lamhon ko yaad kar ke dekhiye,
Tanhaie bhi kabi sukun de jaati hai.
*************************
Palkon se aankhon ki
hifazat hoti hai,
Dhadkan dil ki
amanat hoti hai, Ye
pyaar ka rishta be
bada pyara hota hai,
Kabi chahat tou
kabi shikayat
hoti hai.
****************************
Rakhna Na Tum Hume Dil Me Apne.
Hum Tumhare Dil Ka Dard Ban Jayange,
Karoge Yaad Hume Aakhari Saans Tak.
Hum Tumhe Itna Bebas Kar Jayenge.
****************************
Aap ki zindagi mey 5 chizey kabhi bhi aa sakti hai,
Hum
Humhara call
Humhara msg
Humhari yaad
Aur
Aur humhari yaad se aap ke chahre pe mukurahat dekho aayi na.
****************************

What To Do About Smelly Feet

smelly feetAs a practicing podiatrist for over 30 years, I have listened as thousands of my patients over the years have apologized for their foot odor. When I ask them what they do to try and control it, most often the answer is either powder or nothing. Yet, it causes them extreme distress and embarrassment. There are many causes of malodorous feet and the underlying etiology gives rise to excessive perspiration (hyperhidrosis) that is a great breeding ground for bacteria.

Excessive perspiration can often be controlled through antiperspirant therapy. Just because we don't often see TV commercials for foot odor, the first line of therapy would be to "fix" the problem with a roll-on or spray antiperspirant, the same ones used for underarm issues. When these don't work, there are more powerful prescription antiperspirant that may be beneficial. Side effects of some of these products are excessive drying of the skin or skin irritation/sensitivity.

For those patients who are willing to be more proactive, changes in lifestyle and diet can be very helpful in controlling foot odor. Diets high in refined carbohydrates will often serve as food for bacteria and fungus in the body, giving rise to discharge phenomenon. One such discharge is to expel these bacteria and fungus into the skin to slough off with dying skin cells. However, when they collect in the skin of the foot through perspiration and are enclosed in a shoe, the odor can become extreme. Correcting the diet by eliminating refined carbohydrates and balancing protein, healthy fats and complex carbohydrates can be very effective in reducing or eliminating foot odor. Additionally, reducing alcohol consumption and cessation of cigarette smoking will also go a long way to relieve the perspiration and therefore, the odor.

Another cause of excessive perspiration is adrenal stress. The hormones that alert the body to danger can become elevated in patients that are exposed to chronic stress. These patients will experience increased perspiration and hence, succumb to malodorous foot problems. Moderating stress can be accomplished in many ways. Developing a calming meditation practice, yoga, regular exercise, psychotherapy, massage therapy, diet and lifestyle adjustments and herbal and nutritional supplements are all helpful in reducing the stress reactions that ultimately can worsen the odor.

But what if none of the above works? Are patients doomed to suffer with the stress and embarrassment of smelly feet? The answer is no. For these patients, we can inject Botox® (botulinum toxin) to reduce perspiration. Although Botox is primarily used to relieve chronic muscle spasm and facial wrinkles, it is an excellent alternative for disabling the sweat glands and minimizing the release of moisture in the form of perspiration.

The process is fairly simple. Each foot is treated at a separate session. The entire bottom of the foot is divided into a small grid system. An anesthetic injection is then given at the side of the ankle, numbing the entire bottom of the foot. The Botox can then be injected into each of the small grid squares at the level of the skin (usually around 40 to 50 injections per foot). Care is taken not to inject the Botox® into the deeper structures, as this will not stop perspiration and may disable some of the intrinsic muscles of the foot (causing temporary disability).

Other than some possible tenderness in the foot for a day or two, side effects are extremely rare and mild (other extremely rare side effects can be discussed with your doctor). The effects of the Botox can last anywhere between three months and up to one year. Some patients will notice considerable improvement, while others will still need to use a topical antiperspirant in addition to the Botox injections for maximum results.

There are some patients who will notice increased perspiration in the lower leg, however, since it is not contained in a shoe, there is no associated malodor as a result. In addition, some patients will need to come back for a second treatment to address areas that may have been missed in the first session. Results may be noticed in as quickly as a few days or up to a few weeks after injection. And yes, unfortunately, there are those patients who do not improve after treatment with Botox.

Botox represents a viable alternative for the large number of patients suffering with hyperhidrosis of the feet when other therapies have failed to control or reduce the symptoms. It is also used successfully in patients with excessive underarm perspiration as well.

PROSTITUTES

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SHE NEEDED A GUY

She Needed A Guy   When I was 16 I found a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life. In college I dated a very passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a man with some stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a man with some excitement. When I was 30 I found an exciting man, but I couldn't keep up with him. He rushed from one party to another, never settling on anything. He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a man with ambition. When I turned 35, I found a smart ambitious man with his feet planted firmly on the ground so I moved in with him. He was so ambitious that he dumped me and took everything I owned. I am now 40 and am looking for a guy with a very big dick.   ddd   A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money! "Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money! "Irving, do you remember that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money." Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."

Where am I?

A helicopter was flying around above Bangalore when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. 

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to Bengaluru airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the IT park , because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." 

Facebook Enables Shortened Status Tags

Earlier today Facebook made a small upgrade to its status tagging system which has a major impact on the overall status update experience.

Now users can change the length of a specific tag within a status update.

All that you need to do in order to implement the new feature (pictured below) is begin typing your friend’s name and then hit the backspace button. It’s as easy as that!

While the system used to require use of the “@” symbol, as Josh Constine describes in detail, users are no longer required to actually use the symbol and can instead just type their friend’s name. Facebook will do the rest.

The tagging of a user make it easier for people who see the status to click through to your friend’s profile. More important is that your friend will now be notified that he or she was tagged in your status.

Let us know what you think of the new feature in the comments below.

Page Building Tools Are Week’s Fastest Growing Apps

Applications that help improve Facebook pages had the most growth this week, along with a few really addictive games.

These and other trends factor in among the changes we’ve seen over the past seven days. We track all the changes seen over the past seven days; this countdown of the fastest-growing apps is based on our in-depth statistic tool, which you’ll want to check out for more data like what you see below.

The Week’s Fastest Growing Apps

Name	Daily Active Users	Monthly Active Users	Weekly Growth
1.Static HTML: iframe tabs	6,596,183	22,608,027	12,989,844
2. ZingTabs 2.0 FBML replacement	1,322,560	2,301,753	2,068,325
3. iframe + Static FBML + Welcome Tab = iwipa	265,547	4,974,644	1,965,243
4. Zombie Lane	1,140,507	5,271,709	1,777,538
5. BandPage by RootMusic	1,249,137	22,828,891	1,611,386
6. Bing	4,447,511	26,705,392	1,434,818
7. Gourmet Ranch	483,650	5,278,158	1,166,725
8. Diamond Dash	1,352,919	6,969,246	1,119,097
9. Birthday Greeting Cards	7,901	1,065,662	984,802
10.Welcome Tab for Pages	212,525	2,491,241	829,738
11. friend.ly	337,134	4,842,592	796,845
12. Wildfire’s iFrames for Pages	145,252	3,175,766	789,439
13. BOSS	472,932	1,392,275	747,061
14. Yahoo!	7,888,941	14,391,057	670,789
15. Band Profile: Profile Pages for Musicians	477,463	8,928,933	634,438
16. Send Gift	45,423	3,374,056	621,985
17. Quiz Taco!	640,833	12,016,569	593,908
18. 21 questions	691,271	10,336,730	587,727
19. Mystery Manor	302,297	2,145,406	576,324
20. Badges	130,154	1,530,435	560,308

Improve Your Facebook Presence

Static HTML: iframe tabs leads off our list this week. The application skyrocketed in success as it aims to improve welcome tabs; this Static HTML option welcomed a 12,989,844 increase.

ZingTabs 2.0 FBML replacement also makes a first appearance on the fastest growing countdown; the app successfully nabbed the second spot, as it has helped 2,068,325 page administrators design new tabs.

Iwipa is becoming a regular on this list; the application makes moves forward to third with a weekly growth increase of 1,965,243. Welcome Tab for Pages cuts our countdown in half; 829,738 page admins turned to this alternative in the past seven days.

A final option helping these choices become a fastest growing trend is Wildfire’siFrames for Pages; the page finished in 12th this week as it helped design 789,439 pages on the social network.

The Gaming World

Digital Chocolate’s Zombie Lane begins May by moving up to the fourth position; an additional 1,777,538 gamers started playing. Gourmet Ranch holds steady in seventh welcoming 1,166,725 new players.Diamond Dash, developed by Wooga, takes a fall once again; the application lands in eighth this week as it tallies a weekly growth increase of 1,119,097.

Chinese poker application BOSS, developed by Happy Elements, works its way onto the fastest growing countdown for the first time; 747,061 people tried their luck last week helping the application secure the 13th spot.

Just for fun application 21 Questions also makes a first time appearance as it rests in the 18th spot with the help of 587,727 users. Mystery Manor inches forward just behind 21 Questions as the gaming application boasts a 576,324 weekly growth total.

Future Rock Stars

BandPage by RootMusic finds it way back on to our list this week, making a giant leap forward to the fifth spot; 1,611,386 musicians turned to the tool to help ease their social networking needs. A main competitor, Band Profile: Profile Pages for Musicians, creeps up not far behind in ninth; the ReverbNation application helped improve the presence of 634,438 pages.

Search Easier

A battle of search engines is underway this week. Microsoft’s Bing wins the race this time around; the application races its way back on to the countdown into the sixth position with 1,434,818 adds. Landing in 14th this week is Yahoo!; 670,789 social networkers synched their accounts since last Friday.

Birthdays And Gifts

SocialSoft’s Birthday Greeting Cards is newcomer to the list as it ensures you will never forget the special day of those close to you; it makes a first appearance successfully taking ninth place with the help of 984,802 Facebook users.

If a gift is in order for the special day, Send Gift is a popular choice. The application falls this week to the 16th spot; 621,985 sent a cute image to friends using Send Gift last week.

Making The World Even More Social

We close this week with a few recurring themes. Friend.ly moves up a spot to 11th this week; the application allowed 796,845 the opportunity to interact from around the globe.

Friends still aim to share every last detail about each other as Quiz Taco has a tremendous seven days bouncing back on our list planting itself firmly in the 17th place; 593,908 curious minds took to the questions.

Show friends on the social network your interests or particular cause with Badges; the application rounds out our list as 560,308 users added a small icon to their profile pictures.

Readers, do any trends or applications particularly stand out to you this week?