I Love You, Sweetheart

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

 

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husbands?"

 

All the women raised their hands.

 

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

 

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember. The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: 'I love you, sweetheart.'

 

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

 

Here are some of the replies:

 

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

 

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

 

3. I don't understand what you mean?

 

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

 

5. ?!?

 

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

 

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

 

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

 

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

 

and the best one...

 

10. Who is this?

My Son and Ice Cream (Story)

Last week I took my children to a restaurant.  My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.

 

As we bowed our heads he said,  "God is good. God is great.  Thank you for the food,  and I would even thank you more if  Mom gets us ice cream for dessert.  And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"
 
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark,  "That's what's wrong with this country.  Kids today don't even know how to pray.  Asking God for ice-cream! Why, I never!"
 
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me,  "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him  that he had done a terrific job and  God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.  He winked at my son and said,
 "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."
 "Really?" my son asked.
 "Cross my heart," the man replied.

 

Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.  A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

 

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal.  My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her,
"Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes;  and my soul is good already."

New Golf Joke

 

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.   One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.   "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing.  Maybe you should sell your golf clubs." Jim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?" "For a minute there, you were sounding like my ex-wife." "Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!" "I wasn't!"

__._,_.___