Feb 24, 2011
Types of Farts
ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink.
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ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
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TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out.
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JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.
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DONKEY FART= Your ass is the only one that can do it.
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GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
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HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
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SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
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TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
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OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
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ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
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NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
Brilliant Doubts Answered
"Every one is the architect of his own fortune"
1. If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)
2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)
3. What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
6. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
7. Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)
8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)
14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
15. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
17. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
18. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
20. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I don't have a change to try)
21. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (very nice)
22. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)
23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law)
1. If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)
2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)
3. What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
6. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
7. Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)
8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)
14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
15. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
17. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
18. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
20. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I don't have a change to try)
21. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (very nice)
22. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)
23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law)
Installing HUSBAND 1.0
A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy,
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support Reply,
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7..0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support Reply,
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7..0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support
Rules between Men & Women
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.
16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5
North indian Girl Vs South Indian Girl
****** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE ******
1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie
theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating
all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she
applies to cover her gray hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or
cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "! walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"
13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.
****** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE ******
1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University.
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with "... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4 . She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract
coconutoil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. He! r first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without lookin! g too uncomfortable
while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation' )
13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it..
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
17. She is more educated than you.
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.
Especially For People Who are soon getting married...
#CASE 1
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
#CASE 2
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
#CASE 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.
#CASE 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.
#CASE 5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm
still paying for it."
#CASE 6
Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad : "That happens in most countries son."
#CASE 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
#CASE 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes
#CASE 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?
#CASE 10
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
#CASE 11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
#CASE 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.
A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire. "
"And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire. "
Why You Should Study Maths
Why You Should Study Maths!! : Mathematicians Have The Best Jobs !Nineteen years ago, Jennifer Courter set out on a career path that has since provided her with a steady stream of lucrative, low-stress jobs. Now, her occupation -- mathematician -- has landed at the top spot on a new study ranking the best and worst jobs in the U.S.
"It's a lot more than just some boring subject that everybody has to take in school," says Ms. Courter, a research mathematician at mental images Inc., a maker of 3D-visualization software in San Francisco. "It's the science of problem-solving. " The study, released Tuesday by a new job site, evaluates 200 professions to determine the best and worst according to five criteria inherent to every job: environment, income, employment outlook, physical demands and stress. (CareerCast. com is published by Adicio Inc., in which Wall Street Journal owner News Corp. holds a minority stake.)
The findings were compiled by Les Krantz, author of "Jobs Rated Almanac," and are based on data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and the Census Bureau, as well as studies from trade associations and Mr. Krantz's own expertise.
According to the study, mathematicians fared best in part because they typically work in favorable conditions -- indoors and in places free of toxic fumes or noise -- unlike those toward the bottom of the list like sewage-plant operator, painter and bricklayer. They also aren't expected to do any heavy lifting, crawling or crouching -- attributes associated with occupations such as firefighter, auto mechanic and plumber.
Other jobs at the top of the study's list include actuary, statistician, biologist, software engineer and computer-systems analyst, historian and sociologist.
The study estimates sociologists earn $63,195, though Mr. Nord, 62, says his income is about double that amount. He says he isn't surprised by the findings because his job generates little stress and he works a steady 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. schedule. "It's all done at the computer at my desk," he says. "The main occupational hazard is carpal tunnel syndrome." On the opposite end of the career spectrum are lumberjacks. The study shows these workers, also known as timber cutters and loggers, as having the worst occupation, because of the dangerous nature of their work, a poor employment outlook and low annual pay -- just $32,124.
Other jobs at the bottom of the study: dairy farmer, taxi driver, seaman, emergency medical technician and roofer.
The study estimates roofers earn annual incomes of $34,164, which Mr. Riegel says is consistent with what he pays new employees. Roofers also ranked poorly because of their hazardous working conditions. "You obviously can't be afraid of heights," says Mr. Riegel, who once fell two stories while working on a rooftop in the rain but luckily landed safely on a pile of soft dirt. "I missed some cement by 10 feet."
Girls Reply When You Propose Them
Here are the 30 top most replies of a girl, when you propose her, bold ones are most tragic and common ones…
1) Nahi…….. ……… ???
2) Chiiiii….. Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare….. ..
3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ….
4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai…. (ab ladki ko kaun samjhaye ki ladke ko pehle se pata hai aur usko koi problem nahi hai)
5) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infactuation hai….
6) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??
7) Magar last year to Maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya. .??
Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo….
9) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??
10) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L…………………………… "
11) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"
12) Phele kyon nahi bataya, ab tum late ho gaye ..
13) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.
14) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)
15) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam
16) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu
17) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…
1 Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
19) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think ABT all this before marriage.
20) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…
21) Kyon, Tina NE "No" bola?
22) Kitne time ke liye -???
23) Worst one– Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..
24) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….
25) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"
26) "I think, I will have better options in future …"
27) I like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever (TAI TAI FISH)
2 "Why me?..Tumne mere mein aisa kya dekha?…"she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. …
29) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS….it is said ..
30) )achha tum bhi maine socha sirf harsh,nikhil, ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai ….. And then walks on………
1) Nahi…….. ……… ???
2) Chiiiii….. Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare….. ..
3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ….
4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai…. (ab ladki ko kaun samjhaye ki ladke ko pehle se pata hai aur usko koi problem nahi hai)
5) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infactuation hai….
6) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??
7) Magar last year to Maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya. .??
Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo….
9) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??
10) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L…………………………… "
11) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"
12) Phele kyon nahi bataya, ab tum late ho gaye ..
13) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.
14) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)
15) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam
16) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu
17) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…
1 Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
19) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think ABT all this before marriage.
20) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…
21) Kyon, Tina NE "No" bola?
22) Kitne time ke liye -???
23) Worst one– Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..
24) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….
25) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"
26) "I think, I will have better options in future …"
27) I like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever (TAI TAI FISH)
2 "Why me?..Tumne mere mein aisa kya dekha?…"she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. …
29) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS….it is said ..
30) )achha tum bhi maine socha sirf harsh,nikhil, ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai ….. And then walks on………
20 Fun Things To Do at Restaraunt
20 FUN THINGS TO DO AT A FAST FOOD RESTARAUNT
1.Go up to the counter and ask for something from a different fast food outlet. E.g. Go up to a mcdonalds counter and ask for a whopper then when they say they dont sell them yell out "****" really loud then say, so everyone can hear you, "I guess ill go to kfc and get a bigmac then".
2.Give confusing orders such as "could i have an orange coke and a small medium fries"
3.For this one you will need a friend with a uniform from one of these fast food places. Go in carrying a sack with "blood" (try using tomato sauce) dripping out of the bottom and say at top pitch. "WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE COW HOOVES" and get your friend to go "yep over hear" and hand you a twenty dollar note.
4.Sit down at a table and try to shoot spitballs into peoples food using a straw.
5. Ask for the kids meal and sit down at a table playing "army" with the toy and making loud sound effects.
6. Keep falling off your chair and laughing histerically about it and then after about 10 times fall off again but this time look sternly at the chair and say "its not funny anymore".
7.If they have music playing quietly through speakers say "I love this song", get on top of the table and start singing along using your drink as a microphone.
8.When theres a really long line take forever to decide what you want then ask the cashier what they think is good and if when they tell you say "yeah like im gonna take advise from a cashier" and leave the restaraunt.
9.When there are plenty of tables, sit down with a family and join in the disscusion as though you know them.
10.Play in the kiddy playground.
11. Dress up as though you would going to work hold a clipboard knock on the employees only door and say "suprise health inspection" and wacth the fun results.
12. Go up to the copunter with a friend. Be wearing all black clothes and make your friend be wearing a ski mask. Then signal him/her to take it off when you get to the counter and pay from a big bag with a dollar sign on it.
13.If they have a T.V. Showing wat the security cameras see then walk past, stop step back and say "OH MY GOD, IM ON TV" and dance around saying "hi mum" for fifteen minuets.
14. Say your the food crittic from the local paper and see if you get free food.
15. Walk up to the counter, jump over to the other side of it, and start taking orders. See if anyone does anything about it.
16. Just sit there eating calmly and then stop and stare out the window in horror and yell "THERE COMING, THERE COMING!!!" and hide under the table.
17. Buy the smallest order you can think of (e.g. 1 small coke) and try to pay with a check.
18. Order the largest thing you can think of (e.g. 6 large bigmac meals) and pay in five cent peices.
19. When theres a really long line, give a large order and when they tell you how much it is say "no your wrong" so that they repeat to you what you bought and ask you if thats what you ordered then you say "yes thats what I ordered but thats not the right price for it" argue for as long as you want then finally pull out a calculator and fuiger it out yourself then frown do it again and say "my mistake", pay and walk off with your food.
20. When they give you your order and its sitting there on the counter, look at it, look at them, and say "im at that table over there" and go and sit down.
1.Go up to the counter and ask for something from a different fast food outlet. E.g. Go up to a mcdonalds counter and ask for a whopper then when they say they dont sell them yell out "****" really loud then say, so everyone can hear you, "I guess ill go to kfc and get a bigmac then".
2.Give confusing orders such as "could i have an orange coke and a small medium fries"
3.For this one you will need a friend with a uniform from one of these fast food places. Go in carrying a sack with "blood" (try using tomato sauce) dripping out of the bottom and say at top pitch. "WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE COW HOOVES" and get your friend to go "yep over hear" and hand you a twenty dollar note.
4.Sit down at a table and try to shoot spitballs into peoples food using a straw.
5. Ask for the kids meal and sit down at a table playing "army" with the toy and making loud sound effects.
6. Keep falling off your chair and laughing histerically about it and then after about 10 times fall off again but this time look sternly at the chair and say "its not funny anymore".
7.If they have music playing quietly through speakers say "I love this song", get on top of the table and start singing along using your drink as a microphone.
8.When theres a really long line take forever to decide what you want then ask the cashier what they think is good and if when they tell you say "yeah like im gonna take advise from a cashier" and leave the restaraunt.
9.When there are plenty of tables, sit down with a family and join in the disscusion as though you know them.
10.Play in the kiddy playground.
11. Dress up as though you would going to work hold a clipboard knock on the employees only door and say "suprise health inspection" and wacth the fun results.
12. Go up to the copunter with a friend. Be wearing all black clothes and make your friend be wearing a ski mask. Then signal him/her to take it off when you get to the counter and pay from a big bag with a dollar sign on it.
13.If they have a T.V. Showing wat the security cameras see then walk past, stop step back and say "OH MY GOD, IM ON TV" and dance around saying "hi mum" for fifteen minuets.
14. Say your the food crittic from the local paper and see if you get free food.
15. Walk up to the counter, jump over to the other side of it, and start taking orders. See if anyone does anything about it.
16. Just sit there eating calmly and then stop and stare out the window in horror and yell "THERE COMING, THERE COMING!!!" and hide under the table.
17. Buy the smallest order you can think of (e.g. 1 small coke) and try to pay with a check.
18. Order the largest thing you can think of (e.g. 6 large bigmac meals) and pay in five cent peices.
19. When theres a really long line, give a large order and when they tell you how much it is say "no your wrong" so that they repeat to you what you bought and ask you if thats what you ordered then you say "yes thats what I ordered but thats not the right price for it" argue for as long as you want then finally pull out a calculator and fuiger it out yourself then frown do it again and say "my mistake", pay and walk off with your food.
20. When they give you your order and its sitting there on the counter, look at it, look at them, and say "im at that table over there" and go and sit down.
35 ways to annoy people
Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.
in the memo field of all your checks, write, "for sensual massage."
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking with others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when you back up.
Finish all your sentences with the words, "in accordance with prophecy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute entire streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait -- I messed it up." Then repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Tell your friends that you can't attend their party, five days prior to the event, because you're "not in the mood."
And the final way to annoy people...
Send this email to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.
Heights Of
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to
communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending email to a girl wanting to
become
friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself
HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail,wishing
them
to
win a match
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the
same
email forwarded back to you By some one in the
receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swmming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1
"
instead of shouting "HELP" when u are unable to
swim...
HEIGHT of MY DOSTI:
I always mail u though u didn't
Male - Female Dictionary
MALE/FEMALE DICTIONARY
WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex and beer.
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.
BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two beers, or three stooges.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.
TASTE (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad prior to tossing it out.
One Liners
Advertisement in Pune Shop : Guitar, for
sale.......cheap...........no strings attached.
Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please
pay in
advance."
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the
trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
If god wanted ur nose to be a chimney................. he
would have
turned it upside down..........
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
up...............reading!!
My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He
drinks
straight out of the bottle.
You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to
put on
lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.
I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just
in case
someone wants Black Coffee.
Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep
alone.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the
universe is
the fact that it has never tried to contact us.
Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads
to run our
business.
A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not
old enough or
else they will never be.
sale.......cheap...........no strings attached.
Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please
pay in
advance."
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the
trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
If god wanted ur nose to be a chimney................. he
would have
turned it upside down..........
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
up...............reading!!
My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He
drinks
straight out of the bottle.
You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to
put on
lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.
I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just
in case
someone wants Black Coffee.
Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep
alone.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the
universe is
the fact that it has never tried to contact us.
Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads
to run our
business.
A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not
old enough or
else they will never be.
How To travel Safe With Girls
How to travel Safe With Girls
Seat Belt
The National Highway
Safety Council has done
extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt. Results
show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45%
when the belt is properly
installed. Correct installation
is illustrated below...
.The National Highway
Safety Council has done
extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt. Results
show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45%
when the belt is properly
installed. Correct installation
is illustrated below...
8 yr old writes a book on dating
 9 Year Old Writes A Book On Dating Alec Graven, 9, holds his book "How to Talk to Girls," which started as a $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair. It hit the shelves nationwide last week. He's only 9, but this pint-sized pickup artist already knows plenty about pleasing the ladies. So much, in fact, that Alec Greven's dating primer, "How to Talk to Girls" - which began as a handwritten, $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair - hit the shelves nationwide last week. The fourth-grader from Castle Rock, Colo., advises Lothario wannabes to stop showing off, go easy on the compliments to avoid looking desperate - and be wary of "pretty girls." "It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry," he writes in Chapter Three. "Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil." He advises, "The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don't let them get to you." |
 Over a few Shirley Temples yesterday at Langan's on West 47 Street, Alec said that he culled his wisdom by peeking at his peers at play. "I saw a lot of boys that had trouble talking to girls," Alec said. As for his how-to, he concedes, "I never expected people to buy it like a regular book in a bookstore." But with classic plain-spoken advice - like "comb your hair and don't wear sweats" - it's no surprise his 46-page book was a hit with boys and girls of all ages. He believes the best way to approach a girl is to keep it to a simple "hi." "If I say hi and you say hi back, we're probably off to a good start," he said. |
 As for his own love life, he said he is not dating anyone at the moment. "I'm a little too young," he confessed. In his book, published by HarperCollins, he suggests holding off on falling in love until at least middle school. Dating - which he defines as going out to dinner without your parents - is for "kind of old" people, who are 15 or 16. Officials at the Soaring Hawk Elementary School said he wrote the book - which was the runaway bestseller at its book fair - for kids, but believe anyone can find inspiration in it. Alec's mother, Erin Greven, credits her son's beyond-his-years insight to his avid reading. "He reads nonstop. At dinner, I say, 'Put your book down,' " she said. Alec - who just finished a children's book on the Watergate scandal - said he wants to be a full-time writer when he grows up, with a weekend job in archaeology or paleontology. |
Hookah Vs Cigarette - The real truth
Hookah Vs Cigarette - The real truth
There is a myth that hookah smoking is safer than smoking cigarettes because the hookah smoke is filtered through water before it is inhaled. But, recent studies have found that hookah smokers actually inhale more nicotine than do cigarette smokers because of the massive volume of smoke they inhale.
Hookah -also called narghile, sheesha and goza is a device that has been used for centuries in the Middle East and Asia to smoke tobacco. Now, hookah bars and cafes are popping up across the city fueled by the growing popularity of hookah smoking among teens and young adults.
Now-a-days, every cafe keeps hookah stands. It is quite common for us to go to cafe coffee day or mocha and smoke hookah after college. Its something we do when we hang out with friends, says 19-year-old hookah regular, Sagar Deshpande
Although, many believe that the water in the hookah filters throws out all the "bad stuff" that the tobacco smoke contains. However, its just a myth. According to a recent WHO advisory, a typical one-hour session of hookah smoking exposes the user to 100 to 200 times the volume of smoke inhaled from a single cigarette. Even after passing through the water, tobacco smoke still contains high levels of toxic compounds, including carbon monoxide, heavy metals and cancer-causing chemicals (carcinogens) . Hookah smoking also delivers significant levels of nicotine the very addictive substance in tobacco. The WHO has also quoted that, For hookah smokers, the amount of tobacco used in one hagar was calculated as equivalent to about 2.5 cigarettes.
Its all about the amount of particulate matter that enters your delicate respiratory mucosa -the smaller the size, the worse. Hookah smoking is extremely harmful since you are forcibly inhaling such massive amount of particulate smoke. It leads to bronchitis and respiratory irritation which ultimately results into cancer.
Hookah is available in a variety of flavours and hookah smoking has become an act as casual as drinking coffee. In fact, one can obtain their hookah stands without much difficulty. The way hookah is being made available and the casual attitude with which it is being consumed is quite alarming as youngster and other consumers aren being given any warning signs of its harmful effects. On the contrary, rumours are being spread of its safety in order to increase the business and subdued even the slightest bouts of doubt, says Neeta Dhruva, a concerned mother of two teenage boys.
The trend of hookah smoking has drawn the concern of doctors and public health experts because despite the claim of many users smoking from a hookah is just as dangerous as smoking a cigarette.
So, should not there be a warning on hookah stands too reading -
Smoking hookah is injurious to health.
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