My Search is Over

 

I've searched for you
Beyond the stars,
Throughout the years,
And so very far

 

Somehow I knew
That you were out there,
But that's the thing...
I didn't know where.

 

When I couldn't find you
I just kept crying,
But I couldn't give up...
I had to keep trying.

 

He's out there, I'm thinking.
I continued my search
For the love I was seeking.

 

From hour to hour,
And from place to place,
I didn't give up
In this heart-rushing race

 

The days went by,
As well as the years
It had brought me nothing
But painful tears

 

Then all of a sudden,
There you stood...
Like a beautiful angel
Floating in the woods

 

Where have you been?
All of my life
I long for the moment
To call you mine.

 

In love's embrace
We'll be together.
Our love is protected,
And will last forever.

 

Fate has lead me to you,
The one from above...
My search is over,
I've finally found you,
My one true love

Mother of all Naughty SMS Jokes

Mother of all Naughty SMS Jokes

 

* If necessity is the mother of invention, then… Frustration is the father of masturbation!

 

* What is the definition of a healthy virgin?
One who has never been Bed RIDDEN!

 

* While preparing her RESUME a young Lady wrote:
Special qualification: I am Flexible enough to Perform in all Positions.

 

* Define contraceptive pill?
It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

 

* What do politicians & porn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

 

* Importance of UNITY explained at it's best:
One Leg of a woman tells the other: UNITED we are saved, divided we are *ucked.

 

* Same Sex Marriage:
What's the big deal in same sex marriages? I've been married to the same woman for 25 years

 

and had the same old sex all that time.

 

* Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both.

wireless

The Laws of Ultimate Reality

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY & Law of Mechanical Repair  After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. & Law of Gravity  Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. & Law of Probability  The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. & Law of Random Numbers  If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. & Law of the Alibi  If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. & Variation Law  If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). & Law of the Bath  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. & Law of Close Encounters  The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. & Law of the Result  When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. & Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. & Law of the Theater  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. & The Starbucks Law  As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. & Murphy's Law of Lockers  If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. & Law of Physical Surfaces  The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. & Law of Logical Argument  Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. & Brown's Law of Physical Appearance  If the shoe fits, it's ugly. & Oliver's Law of Public Speaking  A closed mouth gathers no feet. & Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy  As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. & Doctors' Law  If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

FOR THOSE WHO REED AND RIGHT

For Those who Reed and Right   We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?   If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?   Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop? AUTHOR UNKNOWN or is it KNOTKNOWN?   "

BLONDE MOMENT

Blonde Moment A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth". I've been thinking about becoming a vegitarian, but I don't want to give up eating pussy. Did you hear about the women who went fishing with a group of men? she came back with a red snapper! Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Medical exams-read last one

Medical exams-read last one            EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS                          1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's  going to have her baby in the cab.'  I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's  dress and began to take off her underwear.        Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -  and I was in the wrong one.  Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco 2... At the beginning of my shift  I placed a stethoscope on an elderly  and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.  'Big breaths,'. . .  I instructed.  'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.   Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,  Se , WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad  news when I told a wife that her husband had  died of a massive myocardial infarct.  Not more than five minutes later, I heard her  reporting to the rest of the family that he had  died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed  me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications..  ' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...  The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'  I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped  I wouldn't see.  Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!  Now, the instructions include removal of  the old  patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,  Norfolk , VA 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'  After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .  ' Why, not for about twenty years - when  my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-   Corvallis , OR 6. I was performing rounds at the  hospital one morning and while checking  up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your  breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good  except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem  to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.  I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,  Detroit , 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room  when a young woman with purple hair styled  into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting  a variety  of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,  entered . . . It  was quickly determined that  the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was  scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating  table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had  been dyed green and above it there was a  tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'  Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,  which said 'Sorry . . . had to  mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name,                                  AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.   I was quite embarrassed when performing female  pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment  I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.  The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing  and further embarrassing me.  I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.  . . ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'  She replied with tears running down  her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .  ' No doctor  but the song you were whistling was . . . ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .' '    Dr. wouldn't submit his name....   1 MORE Baby's First Doctor Visit    This made me laugh out loud.   I hope it will give you a smile!    A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.    The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied..    'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.   She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.   Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'    I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,    But I'm glad I came.

__._,_.___

Classics from 6 year olds

 

A 1^st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.  She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders,6-year-olds, the last one is a classic!

1.   Don't change horses   until they stop running.   2.   Strike while the   bug is close.   3.   It's always darkest before   Daylight Saving Time.   4.   Never underestimate the power of   termites.   5.   You can lead a horse to water but   How?   6.   Don't bite the hand that   looks dirty.   7.   No news is   impossible   8.   A miss is as good as a   Mr.   9.   You can't teach an old dog new   Math   10.   If you lie down with dogs, you'll   stink in the morning.   11.   Love all, trust   Me.   12.   The pen is mightier than the   pigs.   13.   An idle mind is   the best way to relax.   14.   Where there's smoke there's   pollution.   15.   Happy the bride who   gets all the presents.   16.   A penny saved is   not much.   17.   Two's company, three's   the Musketeers..   18.   Don't put off till tomorrow what   you put on to go to bed.   19.   Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and   You have to blow your nose.   20.   There are none so blind as   Stevie Wonder.   21.   Children should be seen and not   spanked or grounded.   22.   If at first you don't succeed   get new batteries.   23.   You get out of something only what you   See in the picture on the box   24.   When the blind lead the blind    get out of the way.   25.   A bird in the hand   is going to poop on you.                          And the WINNER and last one!    = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 26.   Better late than   Pregnant