Humor From Sneyd

Comixx

. Animation ... Lighting a Fart !

The View From Here !

Series ... Welcome Mats 7-13 of 13

Posters ... Choices, Micro Bikini, Office Flings,

. Funny/Odd/Sexy Stuff

Finkstrom's Funnies !

Erotica From SS Ward !

Cartoons From The Bottom of The Barrel

 

                                      

Funny Video - Wheather Alert

Dirty Mind Checq Video

AN OPOSSUM

An Opossum   Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway And run over an opossum.   Knowing that mother opossums often carry babies in their pouch, They decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was A baby, so they decide to rescue it.   They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little opossum is scared and squirming around like Crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?   He thinks for a minute and says, "Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" It will calm down."   She exclaims, "I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly And nasty!"   The husband replies, "Well why don't you just hold it's Little nose then?"   ...   The young man goes into a bar and picks up a tall woman. After a night of drinking and dancing they go back to his place. She unzips his fly and starts playing with his dick. "Wow," he says, "you handle my penis so well...." "I should," she replies, "I used to have one just like it... only longer."   ...   Nappy haired bitch with eyes like a frog I wanna bend you over and fuck you like a dog.   . This guy is eating this prostitutes cunt and he says, "this tastes like rice pudding?" "That's what all the boys say, but it's really maggots."   . A little girl asks her father, "where do little girls come from?" The father says, "they come from a hard-on." The little girl then asks her father, "where does a hard-on come from?" The father says, "little girls!"

The Extremely Kind Lawyer

The Kind Lawyer

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his Limousine car when he saw two men along roadside eating grass.
 
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

 

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you",the lawyer said.
 
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.

 

They are over there, under that tree". "Bring them along," the  lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
 
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the Limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

 

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 metre high!"

Why aren't you afraid of me?

 

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?' The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.' 'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man. 'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. 'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone. 'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply. 'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan. ' Nope,' said the old man More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'   The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.

MY FaceBook ID

KON GHADI ME ..कौन घड़ी में भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

कौन घड़ी में भैया हम घर में टीवी लाये,
केबल वाले ने भी आकर झटपट तार लगाये,
झटपट तार लगाये , टी वी हो गया चालू,
दोसो रुपये में बिकने लगा दस रूपये का आलू,
दोसौ रूपये का आलू! हमने कान लगाये,
अंकल चिप्स दो लाकर बच्चे चिल्लाये,
कौन घड़ी में भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

देखते ही देखते सज गई सितारों की दूकान,
तेल बेचे बिग बी गंजे हुए किंग खान,
गंजे हुए किंग खान बोले डिश टी वी लगवायें,
टा-टा स्काई को अच्छा आमिर बतलायें,
ऎसा हुआ धमाल कि हमको चक्कर आये,
कौन घड़ी मे भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

बीवी बोली आज हमे नवरतन तेल लगाना है,
बिग बी जैसे ठंडा-ठंडा कूल-कूल हो जाना है,
ठंडा-ठंडा कूल कूल जो सर्दी का अहसास कराये,
दफ़्तर से श्रीमान जी आप तेल बिना न आयें,
तेल बिना क्या पूछ हमारी कोई हमको बतलाये,
कौन घड़ी मे भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

तेल लगा बालो में जब श्रीमती मुस्कुराई,
ऎश्वर्या ने कोका कोला की सी सीटी बजाई,
हम दौड़े घर के भीतर न हो जाये कोई फ़रमाइश,
बेटा बोला कोला रहने दो पापा लादो स्लाइस,
मां ने भी चाहा की बालो पर हेयर डाई लगवाये,
कौन घड़ी मे भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

चुन्नू बोला डेरी मिल्क हमको लगती प्यारी,
सनफ़िस्ट की रट लगाने लगी दुलारी,
टॉमी को भी अब हम पेडीग्री खिलायेंगे
वरना देखो प्यारे पापा हम भूखे ही सो जायेंगे,
बाल हठ के आगे हमको चक्कर आये,
कौन घड़ी मे भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

घर हमारा बन गया फ़रमाइशी दुकान,
विज्ञापनों की दौड़ में ऎसा हुआ नुकसान,
ऎसा हुआ नुकसान प्याज कटे बिन आँसू आये,
बदल दे घर का नक्शा  आप एल सी डी लगवाये,
सुनकर ये फ़रमान हम न रोये न हँस पाये,
कौन घड़ी मे भैया हम घर में टी वी लाये।

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Muff Driver - 18+ Adult Video

Donkey's attitude

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

 

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

 

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

 

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

 

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

 

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

 

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

 

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

 

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

 

4. Give more.

 

5. Expect less from people but   more from God.

 

You have two choices... smile and close this page, 
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson . 
God bless us all!

 

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

   

Operation Video - Very Funny

Backflip On Bed - Funny Blonde Video

Extreme Sports - Unbelievable - Video

Mad Bulldozer - Video

The A to Z of Motivation

Avoid Negative Thoughts, People, Things and Habits.
 
Believe in yourself.
 
Consider things from every angle and others points of view.
 
Dare to Dream and Dream Big
 
Energy, Excitement and Enthusiaism is in your blood.
 
Family and Friends are hidden treasures ; enjoy these riches.
 
Give more than you planned to.
 
Have a good sense of humour.
 
Ignore Critisism, Ridicule and Discouragement from others.
 
Jump on Problems because they are Opportunities in disguise.
 
Keep up the good work however hard it may seem.
 
Love yourself, just as you are.
 
Make Impossibility a Possibility.
 
Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal...
 
Open your eyes and see things as they really are.
 
Prefect Practice makes you perfect.
 
Quitters never Win and Winners never Quit.
 
Reward yourself for every small success and achievement.
 
Stop Wasting your Time and Procrastinating important Goals.
 
Take control of your Life and your Goals.
 
Understand so that you could Understood.
 
Visualize your Goals and Dreams everyday.
 
Win over your own weaknesses and make them as your Strengths.
 
Xccelerate your efforts
 
Yes Yes Yes, Yes you Can and You Will
 
Zap your Stress and Enjoy your Life..

World Cup FEVER

Ek Ladki thi Deewani si, Tendulkar pe wo Marti Thi,

Chori chori, chupke chupke Bhajji ko Chitthiyaan Likha Karti Thi,

Nazren jhuka ke, Sharma ke, Gauti se baatein karti thi,

Kabhi kabhi zulfein bikherke, Viru ki galiyon se Guzarti thi,

Kuchh kehna tha shayad usko Raina se, par Maahi se wo darti thi,

Jab bhi milti thi Yuvi se, bas yehi poochha karti thi ki,

Kameeno, World Cup kab Jeetoge???!!

Bhrasht Aachaar

FUN FACTS ABOUT EACH STATE IN THE USA

FACTS THAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW.  A Fun Fact for Each State         ALABAMA .................. Was the first place to have  9-1-1, started in 1968. ALASKA ..................... One out of every 64 people has a pilot's license. ARIZONA ................... Is the only state in the continental U.S. That doesn't  follow Daylight Savings Time. ARKANSAS ................ Has the only active diamond mine in the U.S. CALIFORNIA .............. Its economy is so large that if it were a country, it would rank seventh in the entire world. COLORADO ................ In 1976 it became the only state to turn down the Olympics.  CONNECTICUT ........... The Frisbee was invented here at Yale University   DELAWARE ............... Has more scientists and engineers than any other state.  FLORIDA ................... At 874.3 square miles, Jacksonville is the U.S. 's largest city.  GEORGIA ................... It was here, in 1886, that pharmacist John Pemberton made the first vat of Coca-Cola.  HAWAII ..................... Hawaiians live, on average, five years longer than residents in any other state. IDAHO ....................... TV was invented in Rigby, Idaho, in 1922.  ILLINOIS ...................Has a Governor in jail. One pending jail & the most corrupt state in the union!  INDIANA ...Home to Santa Claus, Indiana , which get a half million letters to Santa every year.  IOWA.............Winnebago get their name from Winnebago County . Also, it is the only state that begins with two vowels.  KANSAS ..................... Liberal, Kansas, has an exact replica of the house in The Wizard of Oz.  KENTUCKY ................ Has more than $6 billion in gold underneath Fort Knox .  LOUISIANA ................ Has parishes instead of counties because they were originally Spanish church units.  MAINE ....................... It's so big, it covers as many square miles as the other five New England states combined.    MARYLAND ............... The Ouija board was created in Baltimore in 1892.   MASSACHUSETTS ......The Fig Newton is named for Newton , Massachusetts .    MICHIGAN ................. Fremont, home to Gerber, is the baby food capital of the world.    MINNESOTA ............ Bloomington 's Mall of America is so big, if you spent 10 minutes in each store, you'd be there nearly four days.    MISSISSIPPI .............. President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a bear here ... that's how the teddy bear got its name.    MISSOURI ................ Is the birthplace of the ice cream cone.    MONTANA ................. A sapphire from Montana is in the Crown Jewels of England .    NEBRASKA ................ More triplets are born here than in any other state.    NEW HAMPSHIRE ...... Birthplace of Tupperware, invented in 1938 by Earl Tupper.  NEW JERSEY ............. Has the most shopping malls in one area in the world.    NEW MEXICO ............ Smokey the Bear was rescued from a 1950 forest fire here.    NEW YORK ................ Is home to the nation's oldest cattle ranch, started in 1747 in Montauk.    NORTH CAROLINA ..... Home of the first Krispy Kreme doughnut.    NORTH DAKOTA ........ Rigby , North Dakota , is the exact geographic center of North America .    OHIO ......................... The hot dog was invented here in 1900.     OKLAHOMA ............... The grounds of the state capital are covered by operating oil wells.    OREGON .................... Has the most ghost towns in the country.    PENNSYLVANIA ......... The smiley, : ) was first used in 1980 by computer scientists at Carnegie Mellon University .    RHODE ISLAND ......... The nation's oldest bar, the White Horse Tavern, opened here in 1673.    SOUTH CAROLINA ..... Sumter County is home to the world's largest gingko farm.    SOUTH DAKOTA ........ Is the only state that's never had an earthquake.    TENNESSEE ............... Nashville 's Grand Ole Opry is the longest running live radio show in the world.    TEXAS ....................... Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco back in 1885. The Hamburger was invented in Arlington , Texas in 1906.   UTAH ........................ The first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant opened here in 1952.    VERMONT .................. Montpelier is the only state capital without a McDonald's.    VIRGINIA .................. Home of the world's largest office building...| The Pentagon.    WASHINGTON ........... Seattle has twice as many college graduates as any other state.    WASHINGTON D.C. .... Was the first planned capital in the world.    WEST VIRGINIA ......... Had the world's first brick paved street, Summers Street, laid in Charleston in 1870.  WISCONSIN ........The ice cream sundae was invented here in 1881 to get around Blue Laws prohibiting ice cream from being sold on Sundays.    WYOMING .................Was the first state to allow women to vote.

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