"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half
the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
"Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from
1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
"Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me,
I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old
Dec 24, 2009
Sardar ji ... lol
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
Sardar Freedom Fighters
There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a freePunjab . Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll takePunjab from India
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'SALL VERY WELL ...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
They were planning for a free
"Oh...we'll take
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
Funny Sms
1.Teri aankain jhuki jhuki
tera chehra khila khila
jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya
to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
2.Safed rang ho agar mehboob ka ,
toh mohabbat ki detergent khusbudar nazar aati hai,
na koi aur hota kharid-dar SURF-EXCEL KA,
aur na dhulai RIN-SUPREME ki kam nazar aati hai…!!!
3.Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai
4.Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Woh to humhe naa mili…….. ……… .
Magaar hum kutton ke Sardaar ho gaaye!!!
5.Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi
6.Lohe ko Loha kat ta hai …
Sone Ko Sona Kat ta hai…
Jaher ko Jaher kat ta hai…
Isliye apko Kutta katega
7.Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
Tum kya jano gum kisey kehate hai.
Tum kya jano gum kya cheez hoti hai.
Tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai
8.Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
Safar lamba hai, Dost banate rahiye,
Dil mile na mile, Hath badhate rahiye,
Taj na banaye, Costly padega,
Har taraf Mumtaj banate rahiye.
**
Suno!
Mehsoos karo,
Badal ki Garaj,
Bijli ki chamak,
Barish ki ek ek bond,
Tum se
Cheekh cheekh kar
Kah rahi hai,
“Ab to naha lo”
**
Marne par humain janat mile na mile,
Ye hava ye fiza mile na mile,
SmS karne main kasar mut chorna
Maloom nahi opar jaa kar mobile mile na mile
**
Aap k chehre pear ghazub ki smile hai
Suna hai aap k pass b mobile hai
Jis mein “SmS” ki aik moti is file hai
Phir bhi sms nahi karte yeh kon as style hai
**
Gandhiji Ager DON Hote To Kahte
Hamare Sir Per Baal Aane Ka IntZaar to
11 Dukanon k Hajam Kar Rahe Hain
Lekin Takle Per Baal Aana Mushkil he Nahi Namumkin Hain
**
Aapko phone kiya to network bola,
Namaskar, paglo ki duniya me aapka swagat hai,
Aap jis pagal se baat karna chahte hai
Is waqt uska DIMAAG switch off hai plz try later
**
Aap k brain ki x-ray report AA gai hai,
10g mitti, 10g kankar pathar, 25 type k kire makore,
5g makri k jale and 500g bhusa.
Kamal hai! Mujhe lagta tha k khali hoga
**
Chuhe ne sherni ko Propose Kiya.
Sherni : Chal Bay!! Kabhi Shishe Me Apni Shakal Dekhi hai?
Chuha: Are Pagli Shakal Pay Mat Jaa Confidence Dekh
1.Teri aankain jhuki jhuki
tera chehra khila khila
jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya
to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
2.Safed rang ho agar mehboob ka ,
toh mohabbat ki detergent khusbudar nazar aati hai,
na koi aur hota kharid-dar SURF-EXCEL KA,
aur na dhulai RIN-SUPREME ki kam nazar aati hai…!!!
3.Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai
4.Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Woh to humhe naa mili…….. ……… .
Magaar hum kutton ke Sardaar ho gaaye!!!
5.Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi
6.Lohe ko Loha kat ta hai …
Sone Ko Sona Kat ta hai…
Jaher ko Jaher kat ta hai…
Isliye apko Kutta katega
7.Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
Tum kya jano gum kisey kehate hai.
Tum kya jano gum kya cheez hoti hai.
Tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai
8.Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
tera chehra khila khila
jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya
to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
2.Safed rang ho agar mehboob ka ,
toh mohabbat ki detergent khusbudar nazar aati hai,
na koi aur hota kharid-dar SURF-EXCEL KA,
aur na dhulai RIN-SUPREME ki kam nazar aati hai…!!!
3.Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai
4.Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Woh to humhe naa mili…….. ……… .
Magaar hum kutton ke Sardaar ho gaaye!!!
5.Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi
6.Lohe ko Loha kat ta hai …
Sone Ko Sona Kat ta hai…
Jaher ko Jaher kat ta hai…
Isliye apko Kutta katega
7.Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
Tum kya jano gum kisey kehate hai.
Tum kya jano gum kya cheez hoti hai.
Tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai
8.Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
Safar lamba hai, Dost banate rahiye,
Dil mile na mile, Hath badhate rahiye,
Taj na banaye, Costly padega,
Har taraf Mumtaj banate rahiye.
**
Suno!
Mehsoos karo,
Badal ki Garaj,
Bijli ki chamak,
Barish ki ek ek bond,
Tum se
Cheekh cheekh kar
Kah rahi hai,
“Ab to naha lo”
**
Marne par humain janat mile na mile,
Ye hava ye fiza mile na mile,
SmS karne main kasar mut chorna
Maloom nahi opar jaa kar mobile mile na mile
**
Aap k chehre pear ghazub ki smile hai
Suna hai aap k pass b mobile hai
Jis mein “SmS” ki aik moti is file hai
Phir bhi sms nahi karte yeh kon as style hai
**
Gandhiji Ager DON Hote To Kahte
Hamare Sir Per Baal Aane Ka IntZaar to
11 Dukanon k Hajam Kar Rahe Hain
Lekin Takle Per Baal Aana Mushkil he Nahi Namumkin Hain
**
Aapko phone kiya to network bola,
Namaskar, paglo ki duniya me aapka swagat hai,
Aap jis pagal se baat karna chahte hai
Is waqt uska DIMAAG switch off hai plz try later
**
Aap k brain ki x-ray report AA gai hai,
10g mitti, 10g kankar pathar, 25 type k kire makore,
5g makri k jale and 500g bhusa.
Kamal hai! Mujhe lagta tha k khali hoga
**
Chuhe ne sherni ko Propose Kiya.
Sherni : Chal Bay!! Kabhi Shishe Me Apni Shakal Dekhi hai?
Chuha: Are Pagli Shakal Pay Mat Jaa Confidence Dekh
1.Teri aankain jhuki jhuki
tera chehra khila khila
jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya
to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
2.Safed rang ho agar mehboob ka ,
toh mohabbat ki detergent khusbudar nazar aati hai,
na koi aur hota kharid-dar SURF-EXCEL KA,
aur na dhulai RIN-SUPREME ki kam nazar aati hai…!!!
3.Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai
4.Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Woh to humhe naa mili…….. ……… .
Magaar hum kutton ke Sardaar ho gaaye!!!
5.Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi
6.Lohe ko Loha kat ta hai …
Sone Ko Sona Kat ta hai…
Jaher ko Jaher kat ta hai…
Isliye apko Kutta katega
7.Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
Tum kya jano gum kisey kehate hai.
Tum kya jano gum kya cheez hoti hai.
Tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai
8.Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai
~EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER~
1.The story began when I was a child;
I was born as a son of a poor family.
Even for eating, we often got lack of food.
Whenever the time for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice.
While she was removing her rice into my bowl,
she would say "Eat this rice, son. I'm not hungry".
That was Mother's First Lie
2.When I was getting to grow up,
the persevering mother gave her spare time for fishing in a river near our house,
she hoped that from the fishes she got,
she could gave me a little bit nutritious food for my growth.
After fishing, she would cook the fishes to be a fresh fish soup,
which raised my appetite. While I was eating the soup,
mother would sit beside me and eat the rest meat of fish,
which was still on the bone of the fish I ate.
My heart was touched when I saw it.
I then used my chopstick and gave the other fish to her.
But she immediately refused it and said "Eat this fish, son.
I don't really like fish."
That was Mother's Second Lie.
3.Then, when I was in Junior High School,
to fund my study,
mother went to an economic enterprise to bring some used-matches boxes that would be stuck in.
It gave her some money for covering our needs.
As the winter came,
I woke up from my sleep and looked at my mother who was still awoke,
supported by a little candlelight and within her perseverance she continued
the work of sticking some used-matches box.
I said, "Mother, go to sleep, it's late,
tomorrow morning you still have to go for work.
" Mother smiled and said "Go to sleep,
dear. I'm not tired."
That was Mother's Third Lie.
4.At the time of final term,
mother asked for a leave from her work in order to accompany me.
While the daytime was coming and the heat of the sun was starting to shine,
the strong and persevering mother
waited for me under the heat of the sun's shine for several hours.
As the bell rang, which indicated that the final exam had finished,
mother immediately welcomed me and poured me a glass of tea
that she had prepared before in a cold bottle.
The very thick tea was not as thick as my mother's love,
which was much thicker. Seeing my mother covering with perspiration,
I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too.
Mother said "Drink, son. I'm not thirsty!".
That was Mother's Fourth Lie.
5.After the death of my father because of illness,
my poor mother had to play her role as a single parent.
By held on her former job, she had to fund our needs alone.
Our family's life was more complicated. No days without sufferance.
Seeing our family's condition that was getting worse,
there was a nice uncle who lived near my house came to help us,
either in a big problem and a small problem.
Our other neighbors who lived next to us saw that our family's life was so unfortunate,
they often advised my mother to marry again. But mother,
who was stubborn, didn't care to their advice,
she said "I don't need love."
That was Mother's Fifth Lie.
6.After I had finished my study and then got a job,
it was the time for my old mother to retire.
But she didn't want to; she was sincere to go to the marketplace every morning,
just to sell some vegetable for fulfilling her needs.
I, who worked in the other city, often sent her some money to help her in fulfilling her needs,
but she was stubborn for not accepting the money.
She even sent the money back to me.
She said "I have enough money."
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.
7.After graduated from Bachelor Degree,
I then continued my study to Master Degree.
I took the degree, which was funded by a company through a scholarship program,
from a famous University in America .
I finally worked in the company. Within a quite high salary,
I intended to take my mother to enjoy her life in America .
But my lovely mother didn't want to bother her son,
she said to me "I'm not used to."
That was Mother's Seventh Lie.
8.After entering her old age,
mother got a flank cancer and had to be hospitalized.
I, who lived in miles away and across the ocean,
directly went home to visit my dearest mother.
She lied down in weakness on her bed after having an operation.
Mother, who looked so old, was staring at me in deep yearn.
She tried to spread her smile on her face;
even it looked so stiff because of the disease she held out.
It was clear enough to see how the disease broke my mother's body,
thus she looked so weak and thin.
I stared at my mother within tears flowing on my face.
My heart was hurt, so hurt, seeing my mother on that condition.
But mother, with her strength, said "Don't cry, my dear.
I'm not in pain."
That was Mother's Eight Lie.
After saying her eighth lie, She closed her eyes forever!
Newton Committed Sucide
Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide.....
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?
He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.
He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang... the gangster dies...
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!
The 'climax' finally arrives.
Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
( Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton commits suicide...
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?
He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.
He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang... the gangster dies...
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!
The 'climax' finally arrives.
Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
( Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton commits suicide...
Telephone Bill - This is Classic
The phone bill was exceptionally high and
the man of the house called a family meeting...
On a Saturday morning...
after breakfast...
Dad:
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum:
Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son:
Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.
Maid:
So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!
Two medical students
|
SUICIDE..................strictly +18 only
WATCH ONLY IF YOU HAVE A STRONG HEART
Oh God
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No Increment
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No better food
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No entertainment
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Oh God
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GOOD BYE TO ALL
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The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!!
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas...'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas...'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
A Friend is Like ....
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
The Damn Cool Ramayan - The difference Graphics can make!
Lord Rama - check out that BOW!
An Asura - the perfect beast!!!
Lord Hanuman … oozing raw power!!
Sample panel
A Vanara - the agile warriors!
The coolest of em all!! ;) Ravana!!!
What U Know About INDIA ?
Something About INDIA :-
National Name :- Bharat, India ,Hindustan
Current President :- Pratibha Patil
Current Prim Minister :- Manmoham Sing
Land Area:- 1,147,949 sq mi (2,973,190 sq km)
Total Area:- 1,269,338 sq mi (3,287,590 sq km)
Population :- 1,132,446,000
Capital Of India :- New Delhi
Economical Capital Of India :-Mumbai
Currency :- Rupees
National Language :- Hindi
National Official Language:-English
Literacy Rate :- 61%
Ruler Party :- UPA
Religious :- Hindu, Muslim, Shikh, Parsi, Christan.
Ethnicity :- Indo-aryan, dravidion, Mongoloid
Railway Length :- 63,221 km
Highway :- 33,83,344 km
Water way:- 14,500
Airports:- 346
Boarder Country :- Pakistan, china, Nepal, Bhutan, Bangaladesh, burma.
Independent day:- 15 Aug 1947
Republican Day:- 26 Jan 1950
Population Density:- 329 per km2
GDP :- 2.96 trillion
Timezone :- IST UTC +5:30,
Internet TLD :- .in
ISD Call:-+91
National Name :- Bharat, India ,Hindustan
Current President :- Pratibha Patil
Current Prim Minister :- Manmoham Sing
Land Area:- 1,147,949 sq mi (2,973,190 sq km)
Total Area:- 1,269,338 sq mi (3,287,590 sq km)
Population :- 1,132,446,000
Capital Of India :- New Delhi
Economical Capital Of India :-Mumbai
Currency :- Rupees
National Language :- Hindi
National Official Language:-English
Literacy Rate :- 61%
Ruler Party :- UPA
Religious :- Hindu, Muslim, Shikh, Parsi, Christan.
Ethnicity :- Indo-aryan, dravidion, Mongoloid
Railway Length :- 63,221 km
Highway :- 33,83,344 km
Water way:- 14,500
Airports:- 346
Boarder Country :- Pakistan, china, Nepal, Bhutan, Bangaladesh, burma.
Independent day:- 15 Aug 1947
Republican Day:- 26 Jan 1950
Population Density:- 329 per km2
GDP :- 2.96 trillion
Timezone :- IST UTC +5:30,
Internet TLD :- .in
ISD Call:-+91
4 THOUGHTS BY " MEN
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
This is the Best !!!
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter .......... all except the poor Groom!!
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
This is the Best !!!
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter .......... all except the poor Groom!!
This Happens Daily
Ayyyo….now itself I feel sleepy. But still 8 more hours left to work
Hmmm…no work today …enjoy madi
I am looking like a hero ….so let me check if any beautiful girl is around...
Ayyaaaa…..My team mate is so beautiful today and she is looking at me..hey hey…hoo hoo…jolly…
I am also looking like a hero…..
Carry on guys !!
am going to sleep
" Manager"
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
If they are counting the
Bricks....
Put them in the accounts
Department.
If they are recounting them...
Put them in auditing..
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks..
Put them in engineering -Design.
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
Congratulate them and put them
In
Top management
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
If they are counting the
Bricks....
Put them in the accounts
Department.
If they are recounting them...
Put them in auditing..
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks..
Put them in engineering -Design.
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
Congratulate them and put them
In
Top management
BANIA JOKES
Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
Baniya on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, IAm here
My sons daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D
Baniya ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Baniya ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:)
Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho Chacha Guzar Gaye.
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay doтАж.. Acha likhoтАжтАж. тАжтАжтАж .
Chacha Guzar Gaye тАУ Maruti for Sale .
Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.
HAPPY COUPLE
Once upon a time a couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret.
Editor: "Sir. It's unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had our honeymoon after marriage. we selected the horse riding, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?".
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!".
Husband: "That's it. I understood her, I accepted her as it is, and hence we are happy ever after. "
One of the Secrets to become Happy is:
"ACCEPT THE PERSON AS IT IS"
12 Facts About PIZZA
Just hearing the word "pizza" brings a smile to the face of just about every American. Whatever style or variety -- from thick, Chicago-style deep-dish pizza stuffed with gobs of cheese, sausage, and pepperoni to a thin-as-a-cracker crust topped with veggies -- pizza invariably makes it to the top of "favorite food" lists.
Here, we've compiled a list of fun and interesting facts about this American food icon. See how many you knew!
Pizza is one of the most popular foods in the United States.
1. Since 1987, October has been officially designated National Pizza Month in the United States.
2. Approximately three billion pizzas are sold in the United States every year, plus an additional one billion frozen pizzas.
3. Pizza is a $30 billion industry in the United States.
4. Pizzerias represent 17 percent of all U.S. restaurants.
5. Ninety-three percent of Americans eat pizza at least once a month.
6. Women are twice as likely as men to order vegetarian toppings on their pizza.
7. About 36 percent of all pizzas contain pepperoni, making it the most popular topping in the United States.
8. The first known pizzeria, Antica Pizzeria, opened in Naples, Italy, in 1738.
9. More pizza is consumed during the week of the Super Bowl than any other time of the year.
10. On average, each person in the United States eats around 23 pounds of pizza every year.
11. The first pizzeria in the United States was opened by Gennaro Lombardi in 1895 in New York City.
12. The record for the world's largest pizza depends on how you slice it. According to Guinness World Records, the record for the world's largest circular pizza was set at Norwood Hypermarket in South Africa in 1990. The gigantic pie measured 122 feet 8 inches across, weighed 26,883 pounds, and contained 9,920 pounds of flour, 3,968 pounds of cheese, and 1,984 pounds of sauce. In 2005, the record for the world's largest rectangular pizza was set in Iowa Falls, Iowa. Pizza restaurant owner Bill Bahr and a team of 200 helpers created the 129 X 98.6-foot pizza from 4,000 pounds of cheese, 700 pounds of sauce, and 9,500 sections of crust. The enormous pie was enough to feed the town's 5,200 residents ten slices of pizza each.
Here, we've compiled a list of fun and interesting facts about this American food icon. See how many you knew!
Pizza is one of the most popular foods in the United States.
1. Since 1987, October has been officially designated National Pizza Month in the United States.
2. Approximately three billion pizzas are sold in the United States every year, plus an additional one billion frozen pizzas.
3. Pizza is a $30 billion industry in the United States.
4. Pizzerias represent 17 percent of all U.S. restaurants.
5. Ninety-three percent of Americans eat pizza at least once a month.
6. Women are twice as likely as men to order vegetarian toppings on their pizza.
7. About 36 percent of all pizzas contain pepperoni, making it the most popular topping in the United States.
8. The first known pizzeria, Antica Pizzeria, opened in Naples, Italy, in 1738.
9. More pizza is consumed during the week of the Super Bowl than any other time of the year.
10. On average, each person in the United States eats around 23 pounds of pizza every year.
11. The first pizzeria in the United States was opened by Gennaro Lombardi in 1895 in New York City.
12. The record for the world's largest pizza depends on how you slice it. According to Guinness World Records, the record for the world's largest circular pizza was set at Norwood Hypermarket in South Africa in 1990. The gigantic pie measured 122 feet 8 inches across, weighed 26,883 pounds, and contained 9,920 pounds of flour, 3,968 pounds of cheese, and 1,984 pounds of sauce. In 2005, the record for the world's largest rectangular pizza was set in Iowa Falls, Iowa. Pizza restaurant owner Bill Bahr and a team of 200 helpers created the 129 X 98.6-foot pizza from 4,000 pounds of cheese, 700 pounds of sauce, and 9,500 sections of crust. The enormous pie was enough to feed the town's 5,200 residents ten slices of pizza each.
fun facts
1. There are no rental cars in Bermuda.
2. A Russian man who has beard during the time of peter the great had to pay a special tax.
3. The first toilet being flushed in a motion picture was in movie called psycho.
4. An earthquake on 16 -12-1811 caused part of Mississippi river to flow backwards.
5. The word set has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
6. Children are more allergic to crock roaches than they are to cats.
7. Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
8. One cubic mile of sea water contains about 50 pounds of gold.
9. Worcestershire sauce is basically anchovy ketchup.
10. In Kentucky it is illegal to carry ice cream in your back pocket.
A young peasant girl
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
3 Idiots Story and Photos
3 Idiots (2010)
Synopsis:Two friends [Madhavan and Sharman Joshi] embark on a quest for a lost buddy. On this journey, they encounter a long forgotten bet, a wedding they must crash, and a funeral that goes impossibly out of control. As they make their way through the perilous landscape, another journey begins: their inner journey through memory lane and the story of their friend--the irrepressible free-thinker Rancho [Aamir Khan], who in his unique way, touched and changed their lives.
It’s a story of their hostel days that swings between Rancho’s romance with the spirited Pia [Kareena Kapoor], and his clash with an oppressive mentor, Viru Sahastrabudhhe [Boman Irani]. And then one day, suddenly, Rancho vanished… Who was he? Where did he come from? Why did he leave?
The friend who influenced and inspired them to think creatively and independently, even as the conformist world called them three idiots. Where is the original idiot now? Finally, in misty mountains of unparalleled beauty, the friends find the key to the secret. Three Idiots is a comedy of ideas that is as provocative as it is funny, as wildly entertaining as it is insightful. A laugh-riot that talks about the most important of human pursuits: self-actualization.
CAST: Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor, R. Madhavan, Sharman Joshi, Boman Irani, Mona Singh, Parikshit Sahni, Javed Jaffrey
NOTE: Please wait for a few seconds. Image may take time to appear depending on your internet connection speed.
Synopsis:Two friends [Madhavan and Sharman Joshi] embark on a quest for a lost buddy. On this journey, they encounter a long forgotten bet, a wedding they must crash, and a funeral that goes impossibly out of control. As they make their way through the perilous landscape, another journey begins: their inner journey through memory lane and the story of their friend--the irrepressible free-thinker Rancho [Aamir Khan], who in his unique way, touched and changed their lives.
It’s a story of their hostel days that swings between Rancho’s romance with the spirited Pia [Kareena Kapoor], and his clash with an oppressive mentor, Viru Sahastrabudhhe [Boman Irani]. And then one day, suddenly, Rancho vanished… Who was he? Where did he come from? Why did he leave?
The friend who influenced and inspired them to think creatively and independently, even as the conformist world called them three idiots. Where is the original idiot now? Finally, in misty mountains of unparalleled beauty, the friends find the key to the secret. Three Idiots is a comedy of ideas that is as provocative as it is funny, as wildly entertaining as it is insightful. A laugh-riot that talks about the most important of human pursuits: self-actualization.
CAST: Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor, R. Madhavan, Sharman Joshi, Boman Irani, Mona Singh, Parikshit Sahni, Javed Jaffrey
NOTE: Please wait for a few seconds. Image may take time to appear depending on your internet connection speed.
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