- The IRS position... where you just bend over and take it up the ass
with no lube.
- The Brainsqueeze... otherwise known as performing cunnilingus
correctly.
- The Humidor... (requires a cigar and an intern).
- The Butt Rut... (self explanatory but obligatory reference to ass
screwing).
- The Monday Night Football Colotial... (actually just doggie style done
facing the TV with the game on with her in the football jersey of your
favorite team).
- The Kentucky Derby... (AKA Woman astride) be forewarned if you decide to
use the western variant of this (The Rodeo) her spurs WILL wreak havoc
on the bed linens!
- The "Osama Bin Dover"... (valley vixen)
- The Bin Laden... Shoot your load, then run, duck, and hide.
- Oral Submarine... The guy must Dive...Dive ... Dive.
- The Bugs Bunny... It's when the guy is on top with the women's legs
pinned behind her head.
- The British telecom position... you get FUCKED by them and they never
call you back.
- The Grenade Position... I'll lay down and you blow the hell out of me.
- The Enron Position... no matter what, you're getting it up the ass.
- Totally Screwed... the position you in when your spouse comes in
early from work and catches you in a position you can't get out of...
- The accountant double entry... (cumagain).
- And the #1 New Name for a Sexual Position:
The ever-famous...
"No, you gotta get your leg up higher...
no, not like that, like this...
NO it's got to be HIGHER than that.
No, like this...oh, yeah that'd work...if you were the one with the vagina...
NO, would you listen to me? HIGHER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE
COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? You know what? Never mind...I don't even wanna
do it anymore.
No, I won't give you head.
No, we can't try again...
Yeah, that's right. I am gonna use my vibrator...
Well, I wouldn't have to if you could get your leg up! GOD!"
There were three faggots who wanted to commit suicide. The first one landed on the road and it took two weeks to scrape him off the road. The second one landed on a car and it took two months to peel him off the car. The third one landed on a flagpole and it took two years to get the smile off his face!
