Pregnancy Dictionary
Afterbirth:
When the hard part begins.
Cravings:
An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
Dilation:
One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's
word for.
Elastiphobia:
Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for
"Most Stretch Marks."
First Trimester:
The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it
too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
Maternity Clothes:
What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason
she's fat.
Miracle:
1. The birth of a baby.
2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.
Obstetrician:
The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think
you're caught in the jaws of death.
Pregnant Pause:
The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman
to get out of a chair.
Prenatal:
When your life was still your own.
Pushing:
The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening
the size of a dime.
Second Trimester:
The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I
eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"
Third Trimester:
The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much
longer can I keep from waddling?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Ching Chong Chinaman
went to milk a cow,
Ching Chong Chinaman
didn't know how,
Ching Chong Chinaman
pulled the wrong tit,
Ching Chong Chinaman
was covered in shit!
