Grandpa's Wisdom
This touched me. This once again confirms that the most important
information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library
or the internet, but from a mentor and on a very personal level.
My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it
is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives.
The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could
spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give! Much was wasted
because I was young when he died.
If he were alive today and sharing his gems of wisdom, I'd be a
better man. Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember
most, the jewel in the crown of grand fatherly advice, came when
he paused, looked me in the eye and said,
. . . "Son, Don't marry a woman with big hands.
It makes your pecker look smaller."
Q) What do you do when your Kotex catches on fire?
A) Throw it on the floor and tampon it.
Q) What's the difference between a blonde and a college freshman?
A) The blonde has a higher sperm count.
Q) What is the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
A) A blonde will fuck anyone; a bitch will fuck anyone but you.
Q. "Johnny, can you use "indefinitely" in a sentence?"
A. "Sure! When my balls are slapping up against her ass, I'm in . . . definitely!"
There once was a whore from Dundee,
Who charged an extremely low fee
"I'll give you a fuck
For just half a buck
And throw in my asshole for free.
There was a young fellow named Pell
Who didn't like cunt very well.
He would finger and fuck one,
But never would suck one---
He just couldn't get used to the smell.
