Feb 24, 2011
Complete Sardar Encylopedia
A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He
asks the clerk,
"What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, That is a
thermos flask."
The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk
responds, "It keeps
>hot
things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardar says,
"I'll take
>it!
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His
Sardar boss
>sees
him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He
said, "It's a
thermos
flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies,
"It keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what
do you have
>in
it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a Coke."
*********************
Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home
somewhere in
Punjab,
but two days later disconnected it because he was getting
complaints like
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
********************
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will
compare it
>with
the original for spelling
mistakes !!
*********************
What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white
sheet of paper ?
>he
already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a
photcopy of the white
paper
*******************
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were
planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh..we'll get
>Punjab
from India but how would we develop it?" That was a
difficult question
indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll
attack USA, it
would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and
we'll
automatically get developed." All the surds became happy at
this very
simple
solution but an old surd did not utter a
single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The
surd replied, OH!
THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE
TAKE OVER USA ?????"
***********
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain. I would like
to
buy this small TV, he told the salesman. Sorry, we don't
sell to
>SARDARs,"
he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed
his hair
>style,
and returned to tell the salesman I would like to buy this
TV."
Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. Damn,
he recognized
me,"
he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time,
haircut and new
>hair
color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days
before he again
approached the salesman. I would like to buy this TV.
Sorry, we don't
>sell
to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do
you know I'm a
Sardar?
Because that's a microwave, he replied.
**********************
Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
**********************
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at
you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
**********************
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
**********************
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
*********************
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
**********************
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
**********************
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* **********************
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
**********************
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
**********************
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
**********************
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
**********************
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
**********************
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* **********************
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
*********************
Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
**********************
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
**********************
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
**********************
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a
day for 300
days,
he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji
called the
>doctor
to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the
problem?" asked the doctor. I'm 2400 kms from home."
*******************
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh
>asks
the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" No, answers
the Railway
man.
Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
**********************
A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks
him "Kyon
Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to
hai" Sardarji
replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata "
**********************
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks
and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him
and asks "kyon
bhai
ye sab
kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late
aati hai kahin
bhook se na marjaun"
**********************
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy
so he gave the
guy
sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up
when the
>station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20
Rupees, the
Sardarji
deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
the barber
quietly
shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was woken
>up,
and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face,
and suddenly
screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the
matter?"
Replied
he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken
up someone
else"
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees
and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, Your donkey is
missing; what
are
you thanking God for. The Sardarji replied "I am thanking
Him for seeing
to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would
>have
been missing too."
**********************
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate
>Mother:
Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese. "How come you write
"Chinese" when both
parents are Sikh? Aah, I read a newspaper, it says that
every 4th person
born on the Earth now is a Chinese.
**********************
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the
outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!"Woof!" (it's the
barking sound)
Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti! "Woof!" "Press
the white
button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking,
feed the dogs
>and
don't touch
anything!"
**********************
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a
Clock Tower
when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says
"Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a
ladder." The man took
the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
hours the
>Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to
buy the clock.
Give me a thousand
rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him
the thousand and
says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a
ladder."
**********************
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
managed to get into
>a
double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a
bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when
the rush was
over,
Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta
in a bad
condition clutching the seats in front with both hands,
scared to death.
>He
says, "Arre Banta Singh What the heck's goin' on? Why are
you so scared ?
>I
was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replies.
"Yeah, but you've
got
a driver.
**********************
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him
>what
had happened to his ears and he answered, I was ironing a
shirt and the
phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up
the iron and stuck it to my ear. Oh Dear! " the doctor
exclaimed in
disbelief. But what happened to your other ear?" "The
scoundrel called
back.
**********************
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He
lands there on
time.
He is immediately hauled inside in front of the
interviewing officer.
Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his
certificates and then
starts asking him questions. Following is the transcript :
Mr. Santa
>Singh,
after seeing your
qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you
only some simple
questions.If you can answer those then you are selected.
First we will
start
with some opposites S : Yes Sir. Officer started asking
questions O :
>Above
S : Below O : Front S : Back Left S : Right Male Female
Ugly (means Next
>in
Punjabi) S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi) O :
Ugly...U-G-L-Y(
Officer
spells it) : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also
spells it) O :
U.....G.....L ....... Y.....(Officer shouts) S : P ..... I
..... C ......
>H
........ H ...... ;L Y...... Our Sardar also shouts)
Officer is now
>angry.
O : Get out S : Come in. O : Quiet please. S : Talk please.
O : You are
rejected. S : I am selected and This is how Santa Singh got
his job.
