Dear Wife, Dear Husband
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
An exhibitionist named Joe was preparing to board a flight to Atlanta.
As he approached the open door of the plane at the end of the jet way,
a very attractive flight attendant was collecting boarding passes.
As she reached down toward Joe for his boarding pass, he opened his
raincoat and exposed himself.
"I'm sorry sir" she said politely, "but you have to show your ticket, not
your stub."
~~~
There are two sides to every divorce:
Yours and shithead's.
~~~
When you buy pussy you're not paying for sex, you're paying her to get the fuck out afterward.
~~~
They say..."Love thy neighbor as thy self."
What am I supposed to do? Jerk him off too?
~~~
WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF:
YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES
YOU HAVE NO WORRIES ...
YOU COME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU...
YOUR BATHWATER HAS BEEN RUN...
YOU HAVE THE PERFECT KIDS...
YOUR PARTNER IS AWAITING YOU WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES...
SO WHERE WOULD YOU BE...
IN THE WRONG F**KING HOUSE!!!!!!!!!
