Apr 25, 2010

The Evil Image


A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide...
 
 He lost his job, his home and his car..

Out of nowhere a evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem was.

The man replies he has nothing to live for... everything is gone.
 
The evil image in the cape tells man he is the devil, and he would grant him
three wishes in return for a blow job under the bridge.
 
The man thinks for a minute, and agrees to the terms offered.
 
 First he says he needs a new home, and the evil image tells the man that he now has a 6 bedroom house with 3 baths at 316 Oak View Lane.

Second, he says he needs a new job, and the evil image tells the man he is
now Senior VP at IBM..

Third, he says he needs a new car in order to get back and forth to work, and the evil image tells the man he has 2 Lincoln Town cars in his new 2 car garage.
 
"Well," the evil image says, "it's time to keep your end of the bargain."

They go under the bridge, and the act is performed.
 
They both light up a cigarette and start chatting.
 
 "Well," says the man who performed the deed, "Did you really think I was going to jump???"
 
With that, the evil image tells the man, "Did you really think I was the devil?"
_________________
 
A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice performing oral
sex on his old lady.  The woman at the front desk gave him a key
and told him to go to room 319.  He went in and there he saw his
lady of the evening.

He told her why he was there and she gave him a few pointers and
told him to get down to it.

He began performing oral sex and was, by her reaction, pretty
good at it.  But something strange happened.  About five minutes
into the deed he felt something in his mouth.  He stealthily spit
it into his hand and saw to his amazement that it was a piece of
carrot.

"Oh man, that's fuckin nasty!" he thought, but he said nothing
and continued.

Five minutes later he came up with a pea.

"Christ!  I can't take this much more.  There's something wrong
with this bitch." But again he said nothing and gave it one more
shot.

This time it was a piece of chicken.  He could stand it no
longer.

"Fuck!  I can't do this anymore!  I'm gonna throw up!"

"That's funny," the hooker said, "That's what the last guy did."