1. She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.
2. She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.
3. You ask her what time it is, and she replies, "What do you mean I look fat?!"
4. She makes you sleep on the couch because all the potato chips and cheese
doodles have taken up your side of the bed.
5. She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing
hysterically while riding a broom.
6. Her jeans grow 2 sizes larger while her canine teeth grow 2 inches longer.
7. She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.
8. She retains more water than Lake Superior.
9. She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic
and "chambers one."
10. She buys you a new T-shirt-----with a bulls-eye on the front.
11. You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,
"All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?"
12. She answers every question with the same answer, "Over my dead body!"
13. She's more paranoid than O.J. Simpson in a Bruno Magli shoe store.
14. She looks at you thru her thumb and index finger and makes the I'll
squish your tiny head" gesture.
15. She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
16. She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.
17. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
18. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
19. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
20. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
21. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
22. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
23. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
24. You're counting down the days until menopause.
25. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
26. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
