Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"
His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."
So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."
Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
zzzzz
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of
her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead
pussy." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and
said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
What's grosser than gross? When Siamese Twins are connected by the mouth and one pukes.
They say one way you can tell the difference between a young prostitute and
an old prostitute these days is that a young prostitute uses petroleum
jelly and the old prostitute uses denture adhesive.
A man walks into a bar and sits down to a man that is obviously intoxicated. He smells a foul odor and asks the drunk, "Did you crap your pants?" The drunk said "yup." The man then asked the drunk, "Why don't you go to the bathroom?", to which the drunk replied, "Cause I ain't done yet!"
