Cigarette Lighter
A young girl who was a heavy smoker invested in a cigarette lighter
to economize in matches. After a short time it began to give
trouble.
So she spoke to a gentleman who had one, having just seen him light
a cigarette with it and put it in his pocket.
She: Now be a dear and tell me about that thing you have there in
your trousers.
He: (Misunderstanding her and feeling a bit embarrassed) I'm not
used to discussing such things with ladies.
She: Now there is no need to be shy. Tell me, how does yours work?
Do you jerk it up and down?
He: Oh, sometimes...
She: Then it's different from mine, mine just opens and shuts. Do
you rub yours up and down until something comes?
He: Oh yes, especially in cold weather.
She: Have you ever tried pulling your wick and dipping it?
He: No, most certainly not!
She: Oh. You should, it does it good. You never soaked it before
then?
He: Of course I haven't.
She: You should try it then sometime, it takes the stiffness out of
it.
He: Er, well... I'm afraid that you are a naughty girl.
She: (Thinking he referred to smoking) Oh, every girl does it
nowadays anyway. What about your wick, is it a long one?
He: Yes, it is rather on the long side.
She: I think I will have to try a bigger one because the one I use
does not seem to go far enough to do any good. Does yours go red on
the end when it's dry?
He: Yes.
She: So does mine. In the past mine has been giving me much
trouble.
Would you like to have a look at it?
He: No no, not now. We had better wait until it's dark.
She: Don't be ridiculous, you can see much better in the daylight.
It has been leaking these past few days so I have put a rag around
it.
I'll unwind it now (opening her handbag and producing her lighter).
Look, here it is (dashing her lighter). It has run out again,
damn... now I'll have to go back to matches.
The young man collapses.
_________
If a woman is uncomfortable watching me wank, should she:
a) Get to know me better?
b) Stop being such a prude?
or
c) Find another seat on the bus?
_________
What's 10 inches long, 2 inches thick, and starts with a P?
A really good crap.
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
________
A blind man and his guide dog are in a department store. Suddenly in the middle of an aisle, the man picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around.
A startled shop assistant asks the man "Can I help you, sir?
The blind man replies quickly without thought, "No thanks. Just looking around."
