PERSONAL ADS TRANSLATED
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish (49)
Adventurer (Slept with of your friends)
Athletic (No breasts)
Average looking (Has a face like a basset hound)
Beautiful (Pathological liar)
Contagious Smile (Does a lot of Ecstasy)
Educated (Had sex with her Political Science professor)
Emotionally Secure (Medicated)
Feminist (Fat ball buster)
Free spirit (Junkie)
Friendship first (Trying to live down reputation as a slut)
Fun (Annoying)
Gentle (Comatose)
Good Listener (Borderline Autistic)
New-Age (All body hair, all the time)
Old-fashioned (Lights out, missionary position only, no oral sex)
Open-minded (Desperate)
Outgoing (Loud and Embarrassing)
Passionate (Sloppy drunk)
Poet (Depressive Schizophrenic)
Professional (Certified Bitch)
Redhead (Bad dye-job)
Reubenesque (Grossly Fat)
Romantic (Looks better by candle)
Social (Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray)
Voluptuous (Very Fat)
Weight proportion w/ height (Hugely fat -- as tall as you are wide)
Wants Soul mate (Stalker)
Widow (Drove first husband to shoot himself)
Young at heart (Old bat)
MEN'S ADS
40-ish (52 and looking for 25-yr-old)
Athletic (Watches a lot of NASCAR)
Average looking (Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back)
Educated (Will patronize you to death)
Free Spirit (Having sex with your sister)
Friendship first (As long as friendship involves sex)
Fun (Good with a TV remote and a six pack)
Good looking (Arrogant)
Very good looking (Dumb as a box of rocks)
Honest (Pathological Liar)
Huggable (Overweight, more body hair than a bear)
Likes to cuddle (Insecure mama's boy)
Mature (Older than your father)
Open-minded (Wants to sleep with your roommate, but she's not interested)
Physically fit (Does a lot of 12-ounce curls)
Poet (Once wrote ex-girlfriend's name on a bathroom stall)
Sensitive (Cries at chick flicks)
Very sensitive (Gay)
Spiritual (Had sex in a cemetery once)
Stable (Arrested for stalking, but not convicted)
Thoughtful (Says "excuse me" when he farts)
