Daily Humour

Lunar astronomers are optimists. They always look
at the bright side.

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I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn't
click.
(Mike Bull's Pun of the Day)

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A take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy is a
saddle lite dish.
(Stan Kegel)

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Book Title: "How to Make a Robot" by Anne Droyd

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The guy who invented the door knocker won the
No-bell prize.

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A policeman came up to me with a pencil and a
piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you
to trace someone for me."

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The actor who played the one-armed man in "The
Fugitive" also had a role in the film "Jaws".
You probably don't remember him. His was just
a bit part.

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Many years ago, the famous poet was suffering
with a head cold and runny nose. He went to the
doctor's office and explained his problem to the
nurse. She went in and told the doctor, "You have
to do something about Poe's nasal drip."

(Gary Hallock)

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An American pilot crash-landed his plane in the
Australian bush, out in the middle of nowhere.
He woke up in a clinic, very rustic and dirty,
with foul smells. He is bandaged from head to
foot and needless to say feels horrible.

A very large, somewhat gruff-looking nurse
approached his cot. With a deep sense of
resignation and fear he asks her, "Did I come
here to die?"

"Naw," the Aussie nurse replies, "Yew cyme heah
yestadye."

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The new mother ran out to do some errands,
leaving the proud papa home to watch their
infant son. Soon after the mother left, the baby
started to cry. The father did everything he
could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop
crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to
take the baby to the doctor. The doctor listened
as the father related all the things he had done
to get the baby to stop crying. The doctor began
to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down
to the diaper area.

Sure enough, when he opened the diaper, he found
it was quite full. "Here's the problem," the
doctor said. "He just needs to be changed."

The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper
package specifically stated it is good for up
to 10 pounds!"

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A Polish man goes to consult a famous specialist
about his medical problem. "How much do I owe
you?"

"My fee is fifty zloty," replies the physician.

"Fifty zloty? That's impossible."

"In your case, I suppose I could adjust my fee
to thirty zloty."

"Thirty zloty for one visit? Ridiculous!"

"Well, then, could you afford twenty zloty?"

"Who has so much money?"

"Look, just give me five zloty and be gone."

"I can give you two zloty. Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you. Why did you come to
the most expensive doctor in Warsaw?"

"Listen, Doctor, when it comes to my health,
nothing is too expensive."

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Thought for Today:

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said,
'Let there be light!' And there was light. There
was still nothing, but you could see it a whole
lot better."

(Ellen DeGeneres, b. 1958)

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