Best college jokes for everyone, mostly students are fond of jokes & jokes. In this post you can get some nice selection of college jokes, jokes on college, jokes about college, jokes of college. You will enjoy and share to others.
College Cure
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"
"Two days ago."
"Mines a senior this year, so its almost over. In May, hell be an engineer. Whats your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"
"At the rate hes going, Id say hell be about thirty."
"No, I mean whats he taking in college?"
"Hes taking every penny I make."
"Doesnt he burn the midnight oil enough?"
"He doesnt get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."
"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"
"Sure has! Its totally cured his mother of bragging about him."
LBJs Press Secretary
A student at the University of Texas said they had Liz Carpenter, LBJs press secretary, as a guest lecturer for her media writing class. One of the students asked her if there was someone the 82 year old Carpenter wanted to meet but hadnt yet.
She replied, "Jesus," paused for a moment and then said, "But Im not in any hurry."
Computer Consultants
The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway."
An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasnt working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail.
He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address.
He replied, "The sign advertising the concert said, begins@7:30PM."
Correction
Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog
attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From
Fearsome Dog."
The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School
Mascot."
Mom... Send Money
A college student his mother and asked her for some money.
His mother said that she would send him money and mentioned that he had left his calculus book when when he visited two weeks ago and asked if she should send it too.
"Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." Responded the student.
Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package,kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
When she gets back, Dad asked, "How much did you give the boy this time?
Mom replied, "I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000."
"Thats $1020" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy?"
"Dont worry hon," Mum said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19."
The Girl of His Dreams
A young man in college called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the girl of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why dont you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the girl came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"Whats wrong with that?" asked his mother.
"We hadnt started eating yet."
Collected Comments of College Students
He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.
Help! Ive fallen asleep and I cant wake up!
His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame.
Textbook is confusing ... someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it.
This class was a religious experience for me ... I had to take it all on faith.
The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him.
Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material.
Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing - its a great stress reliever.
Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose - spraying in all directions - no way to stop it.
I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets.
Exam By Chance
A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions.
The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false.
The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out.
Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely.
The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on.
"Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers."
First Job
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But Im a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, Im sorry. I didnt know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - Ill show you how."
Final Exam
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that its been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know youve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a B for the course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those still remaining. "Im glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get As."
